If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

It’s basically the best thing you can do and also the worst. So hard to explain!

I don't know. Not because I'd want a different life, but just because the world is such a shit show atm. But then the urge to have a baby is hard to ignore.

I’d have them all again 100%.
I had my third son the week after I turned 44. I had all my partying & fun in my 20s and 30s prior to becoming a mother.
sure it’s hard and total chaos but it’s my life now 🤣

I haven't read the full thread but no I wouldn't.

I had kids coz thats what women did. I didn't question it.
It is so stressful. I do love them and they are good bants now but its not been easy. You are only as happy as your unhappiest child and one of mine has been very unhappy at times.

I think our culture is slowly recognising that its ok not to have kids, it doesnt mean you are a lesbian or frigid. Life is actually pretty amazing and fulfiling without kids.

I would defo not have kids nowadays as the world is fucked. They could just about hold their own now if an apocalypse happened but that no world to bring a child into...

Wow that is quite eye opening

Generally the studies have shown better attainment and healthier children with older parents. However that’s statistically, and I think there are benefits to both, and it comes down to personal preference. And you’re completely right, some young parents are very financially stable. And some young parents are more mature.

I know for me, living in house shares in London, dating inappropriate men, partying too much etc I’d have been an awful parent in my 20s despite a professional well paid job. But I see people who are great parents in their 20s, including some of my family, and living in houses they’ve bought etc in their 20s.

I think you must investigate very carefully what you are suggesting. In addition to being a single parent, which must be so so incredibly hard, you are likely taking on a child with extreme trauma and it will affect them for the rest of their lives in ways you can't even begin to imagine at this point.

Even a baby will have had dreadful experiences in utero (drugs etc) to have been removed at a young age.

I have found parenting the most terrifying thing I have ever done and the responsibility weighs heavily on me even now my son is an adult. I am never not worried about something to do with him and I have had to accept this will be the case for the rest of my life. I guess it depends how you handle that kind of thing. Along with severe sleep deprivation and relentless need.

If I had my time over again, with the knowledge I have now, I would definitely do things differently. I wouldn't have failed my A levels first time, for a start, so I wouldn't have met my first husband. I would have been much more prepared about contraception so I wouldn't have got pregnant at 18.

I would have got my degree at 21 instead of 36, so by the time I was ready to have children (if ever) I would have been in a much better financial position. And I would have realised I was autistic earlier so that would have made things much easier.

Having said all that - I adore my children and I would never have met my current, very much loved, husband, if my life had been different.

Why are you worrying about your adult son?

He has additional needs and is vulnerable.

Maybe not a fair comparison to those who don't and are not, but the phrase you're only as happy as your unhappiest child (whether over 18 or not) rings true for me.

I love all my children and while I wouldn’t change them, it’s a huge regret that my first children weren’t with my second husband. My ex-husband is a despicable person and targeted me. Huge history of violence/abuse etc, then parental alienation and legal abuse to punish me for divorcing him. It’s a sad thing i must accept happened in my life. It matters who you have them with and knowing you’ll always be connected to them can be vile.

No

It’s the one thing I would do again in a heartbeat. Probably for selfish reasons , it’s absolutely fascinating watching them try to work out the world and they have brought me so much more joy than anything else

This is a lovely post. Well done to you 👏 and Im so glad you enjoyed your motherhood journey despite it not been how you ever imagined it.

This post sums up life really! ❣️

yes and I honestly don't believe all the people saying no

you're more likely to regret not having them than habit them IMO but I also think you'd know if you wanted children

I would still definitely want them, but I do feel that I've brought them into a miserable world. I suppose every generation has thought the same and with social media it all feels a bit more bleak, but I can't help feeling like I've set the most important people in my life up to fail.

If I knew what I know now then no chance whatsoever. I’m emotionally exhausted every minute of every day and my husbands mental health is destroyed, I can see how much he struggles if he misses even one day of medication. 3 children one (at least, not sure about other 2 atm) with SEN and just feel we fail in every respect, everything is a struggle even getting them to eat not with hands, pick up anything they’ve just put on the floor, lift the toilet seat for a wee, brush teeth, stay in their beds, walk not crawl round the house, every single interaction is a battle. But the biological urge to have them was so strong I know I would never have stopped until I got one. It breaks my heart when I think of the life I thought I’d be getting vs the one I actually have

My DD is my best achievement of my life, hands down. DD is 4 and is the best part of everyday. I would not want life without her.

There is a harsh reality to parenting. DH and mine relationship has changed forever. Time changed in a way I never expected. But I would not change having DD - never ever!

Why 4 years earlier??

If I had my time again I would make massively different choices so I could have them.

Yes. They are the best thing I’ve ever done.

But - they are healthy, we have plenty of money, my DH is an equal partner. I’m sure that makes a big difference.

Yes 100% I was the single parent and had my son early 30s If anything I wish I'd started sooner and had more.

Yes but I wouldn’t entertain the idea of of doing it alone. It’s hard enough in a couple. I couldn’t adopt though and really admire those who can. So many children are so damaged and they aren’t with their parents because they cannot look after them. That’s a whole lot of baggage I know I couldn't or a wouldn’t want to deal with.

That PP seemed very hostile. FWIW my mother was 18 when she had me and I really love having a younger mother.

No. And I have excellent now adult children who haven’t been much trouble. But no. There is no peace when you have kids. I have been on alert mode since the first pregnancy test.