To think that mothers just care more about the kids than fathers do? In most cases?

You’re wrong

Depends entirely on the father.

I don't think care is the right word... Lower standards/expectations? Blissfully unaware of the mental load? Not as... fussed about certain things?

I do see where you're coming from.

Yes I agree in 99% of cases. I suspect you will have loads of people arguing against you but this is the reality for me and the vast majority of my friends/acquaintances.

I’ve been thinking about this recently when chatting to parents whose kids are just starting their new school (either primary or secondary). All the mums I’ve spoken to have been more emotional and the dads aren’t at all. So I don’t know about caring more, but I think women do generally get more emotionally invested.
I suppose it makes sense as we have carried that child inside us for 9 months previous to the birth.

Men take on more of the stress of providing financially for their children than women do. I realise that plenty of women do work to provide financially, but many more are content to let the man or the state provide for their offspring so no, I don’t think they do care more.

I wouldnt say my husband cares less than me, he just seems to hold them in mind a bit less. He is less able to intuite their needs as easily as I am, which I think leads to frustration on both sides.

Not true in my family, but I wouldn't be surprised if we're in the minority. Sadly.

In think you can’t generalise so massively like this. Yes many men work a lot and are not as involved in the day-to-day care of their kids, but I don’t think that means they care about them less.

Many man slog their guts out to make their family financially solid while the mum stays at home. Still caring just a different contribution.

I think you're right. But I don't think that it's because men and women are essentially different, I think that the expectation for women to be the main caregivers means they develop closer and more attached relationships with their dc.

I also think that societal expectations on women to be self-sacrificing for their family, while it's acceptable for men to prioritise themselves to a far greater extent, have a role.

There are plenty of men that do care about their kids as much as their mothers. That said the key word here is most and yes I agree with you OP.

I dont think mumsnet is evidence of anything
Its a predominantly female website for one thing
And posters post about problems they dont tend to post when things are ok
You are never going to get a balanced view.

I don’t agree. I think men and women have been socialised to show caring for their children very differently.

Women are socialised to equate caring with nurturing
Men are socialised to equate caring with providing

I think women worry more about their kids than men, but they care equally.

This happens throughout the mammal kingdom. Males can effectively father unlimited offspring with no effort. Females risk their lives, and put significant physical resources into creating a limited number of offspring.

On a population level social monogamy works for humans to improve the outcomes of said offspring but child rearing is still a massively lower investment for men, we are still animals.

You of course have men that care as much as women, men who DGAF, and men in the middle of those two things. So it's essentially comes out in the middle that men (as a population) stand by and support their families, just slightly less than women (as a population) do.

When you hear of a parent who ends their marriage to start a new romantic relationship and from that point more or less exit their child's life, is that person usually a man or a woman?

Yup.

Theres loads of dads on the parenting forums on Reddit. I dont think Dads tend to doubt themselves as much though so it makes sense that there are fewer forums for them to seek reassurance on their parenting.

It’s basic evolutionary biology. Like all female mammals, women get pregnant, give birth & lactate. Men don’t. Millions of generations of women have evolved to be the primary carers & nurturers of children. Millions of generations of men have evolved to be the primary provider of resources & physical protection for their families. It’s only very, very recently that modern societies in developed countries have moved away from the natural gender roles established over millennia. Some men still haven’t.

I think as women, we have been socialised to "win" arguments by using language that insinuates victimization of some description.

A father will be described as "not caring" when they simply have a different idea about how to approach bedtime.

No such things as a natural gender role unless you think patriarchy is natural too.

I've said this numerous times, the majority of men don't really want children. They just have them to please their partners. So, it's no surprise when some men don't step up.

I think nature has engineered females to be the more caring and protective, yes. Is it 100% of women, absolutely not.

I know some men who are amazing fathers, including my DH.

I think men are very good at compartmentalising things. They leave their DC, put it in a box and store it away in their mind so they don't have to think about it. I'm also amazed at how they don't think things through to the consequences.

If I cheat on my wife, I will lose my house, friends, my DC will be really sad, I'll be 50% worse off financially...is that sh@g with Brenda in accounts worth it? No! OK better not then. They just don't think about the end result, which makes me think they are a bit dim actually.

Isn't that proof of the pudding that he does care less?