To think that mothers just care more about the kids than fathers do? In most cases?

I think a lot of women are naive and have children with the wrong man.

They then blame the man for any issues when in fact the origin of the issue was their poor choice at the outset.

i unfortunately agree the majority of my friendship group it’s certainly true I can count on one hand where it doesn’t apply

judge it in a few months once the novelty has wore up , you are both sleep deprived and are back to work etc

Why would you be worried that kids know you are there for them?

Then why do most men abandon their children, hide earnings from the csa or dont pay a penny for their children. Its the women left to work and pay for everything while the man runs off forgetting his responsibilities. The only reason women need state help is because they have been left as single parents.

People don't always know until they have children. He may have been a great partner. But pretty soon after the child comes things can change. Or it could be a gradual change thats not always noticed at first.

There are some men who are genuinely good parents & who emotionally bond with their children.
But for the main part men want children because it makes them look good in the eyes of other men and society as a whole; it's allows them to advertise the fact that they have the ability to capture and impregnate a woman, and then make her work for them to raise their children.

Yes "different type of love" ? Wishful thinking on your part.

I do think it's important to note though, that mothers caring more, on a demographic level, doesn't mean fathers don't care, and can't be amazing, loving dads. I just think that generally speaking, mothers have a connection beyond that which fathers do (aside from outliers of course).

We went through fertility treatment for years, we discussed, at great length, our parenting expectations of each other before we’d even fallen pregnant. I still ended up doing 90% of it while we both worked the same hours. He can’t name a single one of their teachers, has never been to parents evening, couldn’t tell which day they need their PE kit, nor the names of their mates. At the end of the day it comes down to priority differences, despite the fact that he’d been the one wanting children, far more than I did at that time.

I also think a lot of men are on board with being a parent because in our society being a dad is a pretty good deal, and much easier than being a mother. A man's life changes a bit with parenthood, a woman's life changes completely.

Just because men don’t ask for the opinions of stranger on the internet, doesn’t mean they don’t care.

I know many couples who are more equal in level of care than our own parents were. I'm a typical "type b" mum and laid back, married to an ADHD over prepared worrier husband. I wouldn't say I care for our kids more than he does. I would struggle without him. Personality has a good bit to do with it.

This is simply not true. Most families cannot survive without the women working. We are not just working to pay for coffees and avocado toast you know.

Interesting.

I would say they worry less and are less attuned to the needs of children.

I also think the care of very young children comes less naturally to men than women and they’re less willing to sacrifice themselves to it. I remember a friend saying her DH didn’t bring their toddler to soft play because he found it ‘tedious’. I thought ‘well it’s tedious for all of us’!

Certainly more men will move away, start new relationships, jobs, etc. that suit them and not their children. Far more than women do.

I genuinely don't know one sahm. Every woman I know who's a mother also works.

I think mums are more in tune with their children, anticipatory, sensitive to their emotional state and needs. This is an important and innate instinct we have as females. We notice the details that I do believe fathers in general do not. Doesn’t mean they don’t deeply love their children but a mother has the capacity to nurture on a deeper level.

As a generalisation, sadly I think you are right.

My XH is very out of sight, out of mind with our DC. He could tell you ten times as much about his adult step children’s lives than about his own, despite never having lived with DSC.

I think this is cultural. I do know several sahd who are amazing fathers, but most fathers I know are a bit useless.

I agree. Unfortunately that's also part of what makes it easy for men to dominate and exploit us.

No, I disagree. My husband loves our girls and cares about them just as much as I do, my own father loves and cares about me just as much as my mum.

The difference is that whoever spends the most time with the kids knows them better and therefore responds to their needs more intuitively. When I was working long hours in a demanding job, my husband was more up to speed with school requirements and routines than I was.

Also I will say that while for me eating healthily is an absolute priority, my husband is more likely to serve up breaded chicken. However as at our primary school gates we would see numerous extremely overweight women with fat kids who clearly didn’t eat healthily or care to limit their kids’ consumption of junk, this is not a male/female thing.

I also think often men and women have different jobs? I have an office job, which allows me to respond to emails etc sent during school time. My other half has a site job and can’t use his phone during work hours. Naturally, lots of the form filling etc then comes down to me, not because he cares less but because I have more access to do it.

I’ve always thought this OP. How can a man ( generally) be as attached to another human being that a woman has conceived and carried in her body and then given birth too? When I gave birth the feelings I had for that child were almost indescribable. I would have literally killed for them. I don’t think a man can ever experience that

Agree as well. I don't think that it's necessarily prioritising themselves to the exclusion of having anything left to give to their children but they do prioritise themselves in most cases.