To think that mothers just care more about the kids than fathers do? In most cases?

If women had evolved to be the primary nurturers, we'd see a difference in their brains, but there's no evidence of that. Where men are the main caregiver, they gain exactly the same changes to capacity in multitasking etc that women gain when they parent. When men become the main carer (or an equal carer) they tend towards having as attached and attuned a relationship with their dc.

It's clear, I think, that we're talking about a social pattern, not evolution. Women are the main carer because humans tend to replicate family units they have experienced themselves.

The impact of countries that have policies that encourage fathers to be more equal (generally by having longer paternity leave, and periods of paternity leave where the father will be in solo care if their dc) is profound. Dc have better outcomes in their relationships as adults, fewer relationships break down, pnd is hugely reduced. It's better for everyone if dc have strong attachments to both dc, and it's a choice, rather than biology, if this doesn't happen.

I didn't really feel parented by my dad at all. It was all grand gestures and lovely treats or scary tellings off. I did feel like he loved me but just didn't deeply understand me. Mind you this was the 80s. Everything else was done by my mum. I remember thinking I really hope she doesn't die as I don't think he knows how to care for me day to day.

I disagree. In some cases, perhaps. But when making casual "how are you" small talk with male colleagues, I find it is often their children who are at the front of their minds.

Had long, next to the kettle, chats with several men recently about their kids starting school, leaving home for uni, the state of their kids sports teams, empty nest syndrome, their childcare juggling difficulties, etc.

I can't think of any men I know who are disengaged from their children's lives.

I think it's more that they have different priorities and standards than caring less. I think some mothers could do with worrying less about perfection and do better at living in the moment, myself included.

100% this.

Gosh that's a bleak outlook..

I do think you're onto something OP. But obviously not all.

My next door neighbour palms her kid off to anyone who will take her these days. The kids dad seems to be the stable one out of the two and has the little one most of the time. Next door has had a new boyfriend of 3 weeks and has already introduced the new boyfriend by allowing him to stay over while the child was also there. Just an awful mum, sadly. So next doors case I hope actually the dad has full custody in the end, he seems more in tune with being a dad than she does being a mum.

Disagree, my husband cares deeply and considers them in all ways. Often considering things and ways I haven’t, but he’s not a loser so 🤷🏻‍♀️. Pick your partner wisely.

It could be said fathers care more normally and mothers obsess and dramatise and go over the top and act like they are neurotic and are over emotional and blame hormones for everything

Anything could be said doesnt mean it is true

Actually I think women are more likely to spend their money on their kids. I have gone without things so my kids can get stuff but their dad doesn’t give it a second thought. When I am the one researching things like swimming lessons my husband acts like he is being generous to me rather than seeing it as something for them that I get no benefit from. Furthermore even though a lot of men get paid more a lot more women I know manage the budget. Of course there are many exceptions to this but I think your post is overly simplistic.

I’m not sure about “care” less but I think in general fathers worry less than mothers

There are not more women relying on a man or the state, 3/4 of mothers are working. Not all are working full time but that is often because of the cost of childcare, women pick that up while working part time to save the household money.

In most cases I agree OP. There are definitely mothers out there who abandon their children, or are very selfish or abusive, but in the main I think it's fair to say it's usually men and somehow society seems to find this acceptable which is awful.

Agree. Plus the fact that there are so many ridiculous questions asked here. Men would never ask a forum things like "My phone is ringing, should I answer it?", a thread I have actually seen here. So any similar forum would have a lot less threads!

I think genuinely good fathers - the type who spend a lot of time with their children (weekends, after school), take them to clubs and appointments, prioritise the children over everything else and goes halves on the mental load are rare. Lots of women say their child’s dad is a ‘good dad’ but he prioritises work events and hobbies and friends. My child’s dad is selfish. We aren’t together but even when we were together I sacrificed everything.

Really? There's loads of women excusing their behaviour because of hormones. Look at any thread here where somebody says they got angry. And as for using the peri-menopause excuse these days!

Interesting. I’m 3 days out from giving birth to our first child and my husband 100% cares more about our unborn child at this stage. I’ll be interested to see what happens post-birth.

That's said a lot. The reality is that often they tie up the money earned, so they can walk away with it. Whilst women sacrifice their physical, mental health, their earning capacity and pension, to have more than one child. Many quite happily fuck their children over on maintenance, don't put the effort in and will disinherit their children over their new partner. I've seen posts on here, over the 15 years, I've been on here, were a poster has said they are equal, then a couple of years later, he's gone, without a backward glance and she's blindsided. A lot of these men think because they slog their guts out, they are entitled to leasure time, so in reality they've bought themselves a cheap housekeeper, nanny and surrogate.

Women are left with caring responsibilities, during crisis, because we do it better.
Gender based research from Concentration camps, times of famine show women to want to collaborate and as a group amd are more likely to share resources/feed the children.

Easy to say when he hasn’t done anything yet except contribute to making the foetus.

We don't bond instantly. Newborns are easy, if you aren't recovering from birth, so time will tell. There's the risk adverse side, which women are better at, once your baby gets mobile, as well. Children have more accidents under the care of men and more fatal accidents.

Wrong

The obsession with men financially providing and working so hard is so weird! If they were childless, they'd work full time anyway?! They're not doing anything extra by working. Whereas most women are either working full time or part time and doing the majority of care etc as well. It's an absolute con 🤣

This is all anecdotal it maybe a very small fraction of people you know
But you cant generalise