Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

Absolute fanny-rot.

This is one of the reasons I love the toilets at our nearest shopping centre. They have family toilets - it’s got two baby changing stations and two toilet cubicles that each have an adult size toilet and small toilet in them. Makes life easier for everyone.

they also have two disabled toilets and two unisex toilets (they have handrails, but are too small for a wheelchair so can’t be disabled toilets) along with the usual women’s and men’s toilets.

The only males in women's toilets should be young children and cleaners. A very small girl who can't manage in the ladies by herself is not going to be harmed by going into the gents with her father.

Cool. But I want to teach my daughter to look for situations that might show risk or danger. So we have very clear rules because it is difficult for a young child to understand nuance. So things like if you ever get lost you approach a policeman, a woman shop worker or a lady with children. Men in women’s loos is wrong. That kind of thing. That way when she’s 6 or 7 and wants to go in by herself she’ll know what doesn’t look right. I don’t want her thinking that’s not right but if a strange man tells me it’s actually ok then it is.

How many women take young sons into the mens?

I do care alot. I don’t want to do my business in a cubicle with gaps top and bottom with a man next door, even if he is assisting his daughter. I want privacy as a female, not to be subjected to this.

Op, YANBU to feel uneasy. I was at an event recently and went in to the ladies loo (there was also a separate men’s) and there was a man in there with his daughter at the sinks washing her hands. My immediate reaction was to say out loud “oh!”. I wish I’d said something now and I don’t know why I didn’t in hindsight.

A man on his own is clearly not supposed to be there, but a man with a young female child?

She sure as hell doesn’t need to go to the gents!!!

It wouldn’t bother me at all. As a disabled person it would bother me more if they used the disabled toilet because potentially someone disabled couldn’t wait and could be made to have an accident they wouldn’t otherwise have had because of someone able bodied using the toilet when they didn’t need to.

I am absolutely with you. I go into a toilet. Into a cubicle. Lock the door. Finish using the toilet. Leave cubicle and wash hands. There is nothing about this which gives me any concern about what anyone else is doing in the same environment especially not a man with a little girl. The world has gone mad.

So much of this would be solved in about two hours if venues would just design men's bathrooms like a sensible person - either put the cubicles first so you have to walk past them to get to the out-of-sight urinals, or put saloon doors around the urinals. I have never understood this tbh!

If there is an available disabled/non-gender toilet available, this would be most people's first choice. However, disabled toilets are higher and can feel a bit daunting with the extra bars, cords and equipment. Men's toilets also smell and this could be off-putting. A very young girl, who is just getting used to using a real toilet, should be in the most comfortable environment possible, and that is usually the women's toilets.

I have no idea how this is even a debate. Men don't belong in female spaces. Young children can go with their parent into the toilets of the parent's gender.

I've never heard of a mum accompanying their son into the men's, why men feel able to free infringe on women's privacy I have no idea.

I honestly think any man looking for an excuse to pop into the ladies is someone to be concerned about.

Funny story, I went into a public bathroom a few weeks ago with my three year old son - obviously I used the women's - and a little girl of about 6 was waiting for us as we exited the cubicle, arms folded. She had obviously heard me talking to DS and saying good boy etc, and she pointedly told us "the boys' toilets are that way" 🤣 I just smiled and said thank you, but honestly what a girl. She will take no shit from anyone! 🙌

A child young enough to need help in the toilet is a valid use case for the accessible. I also don’t see an issue with a little girl in the mens, so what if sees a chap using a urinal from behind, you can’t really see anything and if she has brothers she’ll be more than familiar with the concept. A man shouldn’t be in the ladies.

I don't understand why people seem to think a girl shouldn't go into the gents with her father. My daughter is now early 20s but when she was small her father always took her into the men's when he was alone with her and it was never an issue. At that time it was unheard of for a man to go into the ladies with a child.

I very much do care about men in the ladies facilities and I can't use them if a man is in there. I don't think men should be able to push me out of the women's facilities.

And should a very young boy be afforded the same comfort when out with his Dad??

The new EHRC guidance is going to help end this kind of issue by requiring gender neutral additional facilities to be created. Which is actually going to help with inclusion generally for many people, such as parents with opposite sex children and opposite sex carers.

No, a man should not enter the women's single sex space because he's with his daughter. A man should not enter the women's single sex space at all.

I was going to say YABU as sometimes the men’s isn’t practical for a little girl. However then I saw there’s a designated disabled toilet which would have been the appropriate option in this scenario. I can’t imagine why he wouldn’t have used that. There’s often a changing table and it’s fine to use for this purpose.

I bet if there was a massive queue, as there often is for the ladies facilities, a man with his daughter would decide she is ok going in the gents after all. Or maybe not, maybe he'd decide he is entitled to push to the front of the queue?

Why not? She's with her dad, she's perfectly safe.

My dad took me into the gents and DH took DD. My brother took my nieces.

They are accessible toilets. A young child is not able to use the potty by themselves.

Therefore the disabled toilet is exactly where they should be.

I think this is absolute nonsense.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a father taking his little girl into the female toliets and it's a far better option given the urinals in most men's toilets.

People give out about absent fathers yet critise the men looking after their kids in situations like this.

What's the risk? What's the threat?
There is none.

Disabled toilets exit for a reason and should not be used instead.

Men can't do anything right according to MN!.

I don’t mind this at all when it’s absolutely necessary. Child really needing to go and two young to go by herself or hold it. Not ideal but I think it’s fine for them to pop into a cubicle and be as swift as they can about it.

My DH will take our daughter into the men’s if absolutely necessary but he hate doing it. It's his choice though, and he would not go into the women’s.

It seems to be a social media trend for fathers to do this. Most use the disabled toilet. I have had to occasionally take my disabled adult son into the ladies when the disabled toilet was out of order or there was no disabled toilet. He isn’t physically disabled just but he’s non verbal and very vulnerable. Some older pubs don’t have a disabled toilet.

It seems such a double standard to take such offence to a man with his young daughter being in a woman's toilet but finding it totally acceptable to expect a young girl to feel comfortable being in a men's toilet. Fathers are so often berated for not pulling their weight with their kids. I see this as an example of how we don't make things easier for them. If you feel that strongly about it then maybe actively campaign for family toilets, not make a poor bloke taking his daughter to the toilet feel like he's encroaching on some sacred womens space.