To ask for advice re private school dispute

I really would move onto a court approved parenting app. I would use it to communicate things such as “DD is stating that she needs to go to private school. As you know I can’t afford to contribute so unless you are going to set up a trust to cover future fees plus the additional £3k per year by 1st January please stop feeding the fantasy that it’s an option for her”

I would go to the open days but keep repeating yes it would lovely if Daddy set up a trust fund so you could go. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

They really can. It's a bread and butter decision by a family court and is a regular occurrence dependent upon affordability.

The Family Law Act.

I would just register them in a regular school, i am inclined to think not to attend the private school open days as that looks like your open to the idea and considering it, however i also think would he be bad mouthing you to child. "Oh look what a good opportunity this is and your mum wont let you". Tell them you dont get enough income and child maintenance to cover fees

https://www.sharpfamilylaw.com/who-pays-private-school-fees-after-separation/

Poor kid 🥲

Most private schools are charging around 10k per term now and the fees are rising faster than inflation. Even if it were 5k per term( if the dick ex sticks to his promise), that is a huge amount to have to commit to over the next five or seven years. An outstanding state secondary will be fine, a grammar even better. OP can use all the money she saves on extracurricular enrichment-and possibly saving for university where she won't get the choice to pay or not. Additionally, good universities are now looking much more favourably on state school applicants, if that's the path you're thinking.

OP, I teach at private school. The offerings can be incredible but my child won't be going there as we simply can't afford it without bankrupting ourselves. Don't feel bad, it is what it is. Don't go to the open days as that makes it seem as if you're considering it, just keep repeating 'I'm so sorry sweetheart but we just can't afford it. But we will make sure you have all the support you need outside school and facilitate any sport/drama/musical activity you want to do'

Your ex sounds like a real cunt!

My interpretation of this law is if he wants his daughter to attend a private school, he will solely have to pay the fees

This point about needing to fork out for private school trips comes up a lot on MN as a reason not to send your dc to private schools. The op needs to make up her mind on a whole lot of aspects of schools, but the thing about expensive trips that dc "feel left out of" it they don't go is honestly not an issue. As someone who went right through private schooling, whose siblings did, whose DH did and whose dc are currently in the system, I can honestly say none of us ever did a trip to Iceland or the US or anything like it.

The most we have done is choir or sports trips to Europe, and there is very little pressure.

To be honest, far from being seen as de rigueur, they are often seen as trips for the children whose parents can't/don't take them in the holidays, ( and this is particularly true of the infamous private school ski trips) or as holiday childcare for working parents, and not that many go, so there is no pressure whatsoever to be involved.

That won't be a deciding factor for OP I am sure, but it is just something that comes up on MN a lot and I am sure it is peddled by people who have heard about these trips but are not part of the system. Several posters with dc in the system normally pipe up and say the pressure really isn't there to go - and in my experience with some very expensive private schools, it really isn't. It's a non-issue.