To ask for advice re private school dispute

@BlumeUndTisch, you don't sound like you have any experience of the family court.

The dad could make an application. They could be told to go to mediation first, but if they don't reach a resolution in mediation, they would absolutely be heard in court.

I have professional experience to say that it would absolutely be heard in court. Someone has already posted an example. Dad had to pay the full costs, but it was absolutely considered and private school prevailed.

Could you find me a court case like this please? Happily one in which a parent has been ordered to pay 50% of private fees before the child has started school.

But not a case like OPs.

I'd go to the open days so you can say if useful that you were not closed-minded. I would also tell ex-DH in writing that if he is insistent DD goes to private school, he will have to pay as you have no money for this and have prioritised DD's education through your house purchase.

If the majority of DD's friends go to the Ofsted Outstanding state school, DD is likely to want to go too. I would bide my time and let ex-DHvrun with his PR campaign.

But you were giving her information that wasn't relevant to her circumstances.

You need to stay calm and book on to the state school open days and talk to her about those. Talk clearly to her about the risks of going for private school - you can’t afford it, and if her dad stops paying she risks having to leave her school fiends and start somewhere else. I would say you don’t understand why her dad is pushing for private school when you have made it clear that you can’t afford to contribute and he can’t pay it all. Tell her that it doesn’t make any sense. What you want for her is a good school in your area where she will have lots of friends.

She might work it out for herself that he is just doing this to cause trouble.

If you go you open a door. You shouldn't do that if you can't or won't pay the fees.

Dont engage, dont go to open dats, soeak with yoyr son and maje it clear you can not afford to pay half and he will therefore not be able to attend private school ... unless somebody else thinks it is so important they want and will pay.

Could you find me a court case like this please? Happily one in which a parent has been ordered to pay 50% of private fees before the child has started school
Read my post again! I never said that OP would absolutely be ordered to pay. YOU said it wouldn't even make it to court, or that the child wishes wouldn't be heard. Both incorrect statements.

Yes, it’s still all about control. Appeasing abusers never works. If you haven’t done the Freedom Programme do it, if you have do it again. It’s a life changer.

Aside from this, think carefully about your DD going forward. He’s already been violent. He’s likely to continue to be abusive as she matures. Whilst I get your frustration re contact and the court system you can help support her. She can do the Freedom Programme too. Some Domestic Abuse organisations have support in person or online for young women. Of course she loves her Dad, but you’re not interfering in her relationship helping her recognise how male patterned violence and abuse can present. You’ll be helping her going forward in her life.

You are absolutely right.

You could also explain to your DC that you think the money could be spent in better ways in the future - to help with university costs, helping them buy a home, spend time at a language school.

They might not appreciate it now but it underscores the point that you're not being "mean".

Could you find me court cases based on OPs info?

If courts take on a case based on OPs info I get a better understanding why this country is f*cked.

You sound like you just want to win against your ex.

what about your child - what if you actually become curious and open to the idea of a private school and attend the open day to see whether there is an incredible opportunity for her? Only having to pay half the fees to get her there most people (even if not publicly admitted) would jump at the chance.

take a deeper look at your emotions around this issue and think about the benefits this could be bringing to your daughter.

and if you’re worried about bringing your current husband just plan to go with him but on a different date - separately to her (or are you wanting to be there to pour water over any of excitement she may experience when she sees the sports / drama / music / design / engineering etc offerings?

It wouldn't be that much faff and it would mean her DC wouldn't be on the school's books. Ie no room for doubt.

Your ex is being ridiculous!
What the Good Lod left out, no private school can put in, so if your DC isn't clever enough to pass the Grammar school entrance exams, there is no point in paying for private education and if she is, there is definitely no.point in paying for something you can get free.

She can’t afford it.

Don't make assumptions on private Vs state school. Don't do what your ex is doing. Just have an open age appropriate discussion with your DD and listen to her. Let her go to the open day and ask her plenty of questions. Help her do a for and against evaluation.

Then discuss with her your concerns about the finances. She is going to be 12, it's a good age to start discussion about finances and how we can just pay for everything we want.

But she said she could afford it but would have to adjust (maybe I’ve misread that part):

if she can’t afford it then she could ask for a bursary.

I doesn't have to be like that. DS went to a cathedral school because of the music education - it was great.
The children weren't different from what we met in state. We took that decision as parents. Didn't force it on the other one to pay fees.

Sorry, probably did not express myself properly. Nothing wrong with state school, I was state-schooled, very happy. It is to do with the money - for example, if she were going private on an 100% bursary and he was against it - I have no suspicion. However, if there is money involved - see what I mean?

people make applications to court to try to force the other parent to pay for all/part of private school fees all the time. If the kid is not already there and at a key part of their education (ie year before GCSE), they don't succeed. It is just a waste of money stress and effort. Which sometimes I think is what the applying parent wants, frankly.
Just tell him that if he wants to commit to private school fees for the duration, you won't oppose it but you won't be paying. If he complains any more then tell him to make an application. Meanwhile, get in your state school applications in good time.

Sorry, you are right - he is only a stepdad, dd is a rando to him, but I was dreaming a dream.