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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

630 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:50

ShetlandishMum · Today 21:45

Of course you aren't but how do you improve your communication?

by asking extra questions if i get an open ended answer to a question that i asked

OP posts:
ImmortalSnowman · Today 21:50

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:12

yes i now know when a person says order what ever you want i now know to ask does that mean one poatoe two potaoes or does that mean chips , can i have fish or sausage etc

This is ridiculous @Woodfiresareamazing2

OP has been told many times that if she wants to order whatever she wants then she should be paying for herself. Even her own AI told her she was wrong.

If you want to say this is how ND people behave, you will find a lot of offended ND people. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was rude, it is rude to ask someone who is giving you a gift (free food) how much they are spending. She must have been perfectly capable of ordering before to not order two meals, why would this be different? She added extra to the chip shop order too and was pulled up for it. No consideration given that her friend might not have had the money on her to pay for extra. Just entitlement because her friend is wealthy.

Most autistic people are very specific in their food orders and wouldn't randomly change it.

Doesn't look like any other autistic people on this thread agree with OPs relentless insistence it is her friend's fault for not telling her to only order one lunch.

KilkennyCats · Today 21:51

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:12

yes i now know when a person says order what ever you want i now know to ask does that mean one poatoe two potaoes or does that mean chips , can i have fish or sausage etc

Or you could just stop accepting hospitality you never return, like the grown adult you presumably are?
You can order whatever you want when you’re picking up the bill. But you’re going to continue sponging, aren’t you?

ShetlandishMum · Today 21:53

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 21:50

by asking extra questions if i get an open ended answer to a question that i asked

Edited

You won't get that. You have had so many good explanations in the thread which you simply ignore because they don't suit you and your Sheldon story telling.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:00

MademoisellePraline · Today 21:41

How is it greedy to have two small items versus someone else's main meal?

As you can see from the thread, two jacket potatoes are not two small items. If they were meant to be one lunch, the menu item would be "two jacket potatoes". OP was being treated to lunch. She ordered two lunches. And it's not the first time she's been greedy with this friend.

How is it mean when the smaller items cost half of the main meal?

They weren't canapes or starters, stop pretending they weren't two lunches. And it's irrelevant how much the paying person's lunch was. She was paying for her own food.

How is it mean to not pay when the other person insists on paying every time?

Because apparently, the reason OP never pays is because, and incredulously in her own words, if someone insists on paying, there's nothing the other person can do.

Then guess what OP, practice what you preach and insist on paying. Funnily enough she failed to respond to that...

These jacket potatoes are not big. Clearly, as they are only £3.50 each.

It's a bit like ordering a side of chips.

I wouldn't order 2 jacket potatoes, it sounds a bit boring, but thats irrelevant, as I'm not OP.

It's not like she ordered two lots of fish and chips, or two lasagnes, or two meat pies with mash.

It IS relevant what the friend ordered and how much it was.

OP wasn't being cheeky by ordering food that cost more than the friend's, or anywhere near the top of the budget.

She wasn't ordering extra food to take home for another meal.

She ordered what she wanted to eat, AS SHE HAD BEEN TOLD SHE COULD DO, and ate it.

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

Papster · Today 22:01

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 21:29

How is it greedy to have two small items versus someone else's main meal?

How is it mean when the smaller items cost half of the main meal?

How is it mean to not pay when the other person insists on paying every time?

I don't think OP thinks she sounds "clever and justified", and I dont think she's thinking she pulled a "gotcha" on the wording.

She is genuinely puzzled as to why the friend made the comment they did given what they had agreed with OP re what she could order and spend

I think some posts have veered into bullying territory.

Some posts have veered into exasperation at the relentless unwillingness of the OP to accept the advice/guidance she sought.

Perhaps she should claim a split personality to account for the double meals.

Cue torches and pitchforks for lighthearted remark about MH

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:02

ImmortalSnowman · Today 21:50

This is ridiculous @Woodfiresareamazing2

OP has been told many times that if she wants to order whatever she wants then she should be paying for herself. Even her own AI told her she was wrong.

If you want to say this is how ND people behave, you will find a lot of offended ND people. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was rude, it is rude to ask someone who is giving you a gift (free food) how much they are spending. She must have been perfectly capable of ordering before to not order two meals, why would this be different? She added extra to the chip shop order too and was pulled up for it. No consideration given that her friend might not have had the money on her to pay for extra. Just entitlement because her friend is wealthy.

Most autistic people are very specific in their food orders and wouldn't randomly change it.

Doesn't look like any other autistic people on this thread agree with OPs relentless insistence it is her friend's fault for not telling her to only order one lunch.

Amen. Ridiculous is the right word.

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:08

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:00

These jacket potatoes are not big. Clearly, as they are only £3.50 each.

It's a bit like ordering a side of chips.

I wouldn't order 2 jacket potatoes, it sounds a bit boring, but thats irrelevant, as I'm not OP.

It's not like she ordered two lots of fish and chips, or two lasagnes, or two meat pies with mash.

It IS relevant what the friend ordered and how much it was.

OP wasn't being cheeky by ordering food that cost more than the friend's, or anywhere near the top of the budget.

She wasn't ordering extra food to take home for another meal.

She ordered what she wanted to eat, AS SHE HAD BEEN TOLD SHE COULD DO, and ate it.

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

Edited

And again, she's not ND.

And the ND people on the thread are agreeing, this isn't an excuse anyway.

You are very similar to OP, you only cherry pick little details to try and make fit your narrative, despite the overbearing facts.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:09

ImmortalSnowman · Today 21:50

This is ridiculous @Woodfiresareamazing2

OP has been told many times that if she wants to order whatever she wants then she should be paying for herself. Even her own AI told her she was wrong.

If you want to say this is how ND people behave, you will find a lot of offended ND people. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was rude, it is rude to ask someone who is giving you a gift (free food) how much they are spending. She must have been perfectly capable of ordering before to not order two meals, why would this be different? She added extra to the chip shop order too and was pulled up for it. No consideration given that her friend might not have had the money on her to pay for extra. Just entitlement because her friend is wealthy.

Most autistic people are very specific in their food orders and wouldn't randomly change it.

Doesn't look like any other autistic people on this thread agree with OPs relentless insistence it is her friend's fault for not telling her to only order one lunch.

It's not ridiculous.

Fgs, OP asked re the budget due to a previous comment made by the friend. So in that context, it's not rude.

She didn't order two meals, she ordered two items from the menu. Two small jacket potatoes. That cost half what the friend ordered, and less than half the budget.

Not two fish and chips, or lasagnes, or pies and mash.

She was told she could order whatever she wanted.
To a maximum budget of £20.
Her food cost £7.

You could argue that OP should insist on paying, or split the bill, or pay for herself. But that's a different debate

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:12

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:09

It's not ridiculous.

Fgs, OP asked re the budget due to a previous comment made by the friend. So in that context, it's not rude.

She didn't order two meals, she ordered two items from the menu. Two small jacket potatoes. That cost half what the friend ordered, and less than half the budget.

Not two fish and chips, or lasagnes, or pies and mash.

She was told she could order whatever she wanted.
To a maximum budget of £20.
Her food cost £7.

You could argue that OP should insist on paying, or split the bill, or pay for herself. But that's a different debate

Edited

They were two meals. Not small. The size of an adult fist.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:15

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:12

They were two meals. Not small. The size of an adult fist.

Your opinion.

You wouldn't eat that . I wouldn't (too much carb).

OP wanted and ate two of them.

Not unreasonable.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:20

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Or you could look at it that @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was being passive aggressive by asking how much of her friend's money she could spend because she unexpectedly added extra to a previous order and her friend was surprised by the rudeness.

Assuming you may be autistic too, jacket potatoes are listed under main meals, two different jacket potatoes is two main meals. Logically.

If OP had wanted two because they were small, why did she not say that to the person footing the bill before ordering? Would you have ordered multiple meals when someone else was paying?

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:23

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:20

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Or you could look at it that @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was being passive aggressive by asking how much of her friend's money she could spend because she unexpectedly added extra to a previous order and her friend was surprised by the rudeness.

Assuming you may be autistic too, jacket potatoes are listed under main meals, two different jacket potatoes is two main meals. Logically.

If OP had wanted two because they were small, why did she not say that to the person footing the bill before ordering? Would you have ordered multiple meals when someone else was paying?

Or simply pay the meal. It's not rocket science.

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:24

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:15

Your opinion.

You wouldn't eat that . I wouldn't (too much carb).

OP wanted and ate two of them.

Not unreasonable.

Oops, that's not my opinion. They were that big. It's fact. Even OP refers to them as two meals.

Or haven't you read the thread?

It's just you that's made up they were "small". Because that suits the narrative you want to push.

They weren't.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:29

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

No @Woodfiresareamazing2 not true. A large number of my family and friends are all autistic or AuDHD, every one of us is rigid on paying our way. If somebody pays one week and insists on paying again the next they would be told no, it was not their turn. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe is happy to never offer to pay.

KilkennyCats · Today 22:30

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:15

Your opinion.

You wouldn't eat that . I wouldn't (too much carb).

OP wanted and ate two of them.

Not unreasonable.

The unreasonable part isn’t eating one or two (or ten) meals. It’s eating multiple meals on someone else’s tab.
You’re so determined to fight op’s corner you seem unconcerned whether you’re actually making any sense. Why?

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 22:36

KilkennyCats · Today 22:30

The unreasonable part isn’t eating one or two (or ten) meals. It’s eating multiple meals on someone else’s tab.
You’re so determined to fight op’s corner you seem unconcerned whether you’re actually making any sense. Why?

because they do make sense and they understand why im puzzled

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · Today 22:38

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 22:36

because they do make sense and they understand why im puzzled

They don’t and what in the name of God are you still puzzled about? Haven’t you taken on board any of the responses at all?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:38

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:20

@Woodfiresareamazing2 Or you could look at it that @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe was being passive aggressive by asking how much of her friend's money she could spend because she unexpectedly added extra to a previous order and her friend was surprised by the rudeness.

Assuming you may be autistic too, jacket potatoes are listed under main meals, two different jacket potatoes is two main meals. Logically.

If OP had wanted two because they were small, why did she not say that to the person footing the bill before ordering? Would you have ordered multiple meals when someone else was paying?

Have you seen the menu for the restaurant/cafe OP and her friend ate at to know what a jacket potato was listed as? Please do share if you have.

But it really doesn't matter if they're listed as a main or a side.
OP wasn't told she could order 1 main meal, she was told she could "order whatever she wanted" up to a maximum of £20.

If I was OP and I wanted two jacket potatoes for £7, having been told I could "order whatever I wanted" up to £20, then yes, I would have ordered them.

She didn't say she wanted two to her friend in advance of ordering because they cost £7 for two, way under the budget the friend had set.

She had previously ordered a small extra to a meal, something like adding mushy peas to an order of fish and chips (i can't remember exactly, it's listed upthread), which caused the friend to comment.

OP asked about the budget because she didn't want to upset her friend.

She asked for clarity as to what she could order.

If the friend was really unhappy she has the option of not paying for OP any more. OP is not MAKING her do it.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 22:40

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:38

Have you seen the menu for the restaurant/cafe OP and her friend ate at to know what a jacket potato was listed as? Please do share if you have.

But it really doesn't matter if they're listed as a main or a side.
OP wasn't told she could order 1 main meal, she was told she could "order whatever she wanted" up to a maximum of £20.

If I was OP and I wanted two jacket potatoes for £7, having been told I could "order whatever I wanted" up to £20, then yes, I would have ordered them.

She didn't say she wanted two to her friend in advance of ordering because they cost £7 for two, way under the budget the friend had set.

She had previously ordered a small extra to a meal, something like adding mushy peas to an order of fish and chips (i can't remember exactly, it's listed upthread), which caused the friend to comment.

OP asked about the budget because she didn't want to upset her friend.

She asked for clarity as to what she could order.

If the friend was really unhappy she has the option of not paying for OP any more. OP is not MAKING her do it.

thank you x

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:44

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:29

Again, for an ND person, if they offer to pay and the other person says I insist, they will think they should let that person pay.

No @Woodfiresareamazing2 not true. A large number of my family and friends are all autistic or AuDHD, every one of us is rigid on paying our way. If somebody pays one week and insists on paying again the next they would be told no, it was not their turn. @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe is happy to never offer to pay.

In my experience (22 years working with probably 100s of ND students), if someone insists on paying, that is what they would think.

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe does offer to pay, but her friend insists on paying.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:44

A plain baked potato served with steak is a side, a baked potato served with cheese and beans is a main.

Hopefully OPs friend will have learned her lesson now and will stop paying for @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe meals since she has no intention of paying for them both herself.

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:46

KilkennyCats · Today 22:38

They don’t and what in the name of God are you still puzzled about? Haven’t you taken on board any of the responses at all?

OP won't get it or show any ability to reflect over own role in a friendship nor the responsibility of paying for meals.
If so it would have happened by now.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:48

Children @Woodfiresareamazing2 ? Or at least people under 25.

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe is probably closer to your age.

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:48

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:44

In my experience (22 years working with probably 100s of ND students), if someone insists on paying, that is what they would think.

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe does offer to pay, but her friend insists on paying.

People being ND can learn to do thing in a different way. If they want to. OP doesn't seem to be very keen to adapt new ways of lunch habits though.

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