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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

664 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
troothfairy · Today 22:49

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe you should definitely go for lunch with a Sheldon - please send us the transcript.

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:50

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:48

People being ND can learn to do thing in a different way. If they want to. OP doesn't seem to be very keen to adapt new ways of lunch habits though.

She'd have to pay if she admitted it was glaringly obvious what she did wrong.

Best keep on at being "baffled". Free meals every week continue that way.

ShetlandishMum · Today 22:52

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:50

She'd have to pay if she admitted it was glaringly obvious what she did wrong.

Best keep on at being "baffled". Free meals every week continue that way.

In a week or two we have a thread
"My friend doesn't take my calls after our last lunch - what did I wrong?".

ImmortalSnowman · Today 22:56

Why is the only thing @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe 's friend said not being questioned is "insisting" she will pay?

A regular weekly catch up that is their (friend's) treat is how OP put it, how does that translate into friend insisting every week on paying.

Do you offer to pay every single week @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe ? Are you not ashamed to take advantage of someone's good will every week?

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:58

KilkennyCats · Today 22:30

The unreasonable part isn’t eating one or two (or ten) meals. It’s eating multiple meals on someone else’s tab.
You’re so determined to fight op’s corner you seem unconcerned whether you’re actually making any sense. Why?

I am making sense.

Logic can be applied here, as ND people, and many others, like to do.

'You can order whatever you want to eat, to a maximum of £20.'

OP ordered food that cost £7, and ate it.

Logically, that checks out.
Where is the problem?

Now, as regards the question should OP always let the friend pay?

OP offers to pay, but the friend insists on paying. So PP let's them. Again, logical.

Obviously that's not how it usually works.

But there might be various reasons why the friend always pays: they are wealthy, or at least have quite a lot more money than OP; they enjoy treating OP; they enjoy having that 'power' over OP:?; they actually care for OP in some way; etc etc

If I was OP I would insist on paying for every other meal, or paying for my own food, and maybe she will going forward.

The reason I'm "fighting OP's corner" as you say, is because I spent over 20 years working with ND students. I understand the difficulties they can have in navigating their way in the world.
I think OP is being very harshly treated by many PPs.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:00

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 22:58

I am making sense.

Logic can be applied here, as ND people, and many others, like to do.

'You can order whatever you want to eat, to a maximum of £20.'

OP ordered food that cost £7, and ate it.

Logically, that checks out.
Where is the problem?

Now, as regards the question should OP always let the friend pay?

OP offers to pay, but the friend insists on paying. So PP let's them. Again, logical.

Obviously that's not how it usually works.

But there might be various reasons why the friend always pays: they are wealthy, or at least have quite a lot more money than OP; they enjoy treating OP; they enjoy having that 'power' over OP:?; they actually care for OP in some way; etc etc

If I was OP I would insist on paying for every other meal, or paying for my own food, and maybe she will going forward.

The reason I'm "fighting OP's corner" as you say, is because I spent over 20 years working with ND students. I understand the difficulties they can have in navigating their way in the world.
I think OP is being very harshly treated by many PPs.

Edited

basically they are wealthy and apricate the conversations and time, its they are also picky with money yet they still want to play host

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Today 23:01

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:00

basically they are wealthy and apricate the conversations and time, its they are also picky with money yet they still want to play host

Play adult and pay.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:05

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:00

basically they are wealthy and apricate the conversations and time, its they are also picky with money yet they still want to play host

Have they specifically said all of these things?

"I am picky (whatever that means) with money"

"I want to play host"

"I am wealthy"

"I appreciate the time and conversation"

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:07

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:05

Have they specifically said all of these things?

"I am picky (whatever that means) with money"

"I want to play host"

"I am wealthy"

"I appreciate the time and conversation"

not the direct quotes but enough comments to support those quotes

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:09

MademoisellePraline · Today 22:08

And again, she's not ND.

And the ND people on the thread are agreeing, this isn't an excuse anyway.

You are very similar to OP, you only cherry pick little details to try and make fit your narrative, despite the overbearing facts.

How do you know she's not ND?

Do you have qualifications in recognising, diagnosing and working with ND people?

I do.

And I haven't "cherry picked" details.

But you do you.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:09

@Woodfiresareamazing2 I applied logic. You told me I was wrong because you have worked with ND students. My lived experience of being an autistic person with autistic friends and family is wrong because my logic is not the same as OPs who is NOT diagnosed as ND.

Other autistic people are also disagreeing with both of you.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:11

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:07

not the direct quotes but enough comments to support those quotes

So you can infer meaning that is different to the actual words your friend says.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:12

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:11

So you can infer meaning that is different to the actual words your friend says.

no its just that they have said words with specific meanings but they dont match the quotes you wrote

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Today 23:12

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:09

How do you know she's not ND?

Do you have qualifications in recognising, diagnosing and working with ND people?

I do.

And I haven't "cherry picked" details.

But you do you.

OP said that OP doesn't have a diagnosis but OP is having an idea of being ND.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:14

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:12

no its just that they have said words with specific meanings but they dont match the quotes you wrote

I quoted the words you used.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:14

ShetlandishMum · Today 23:12

OP said that OP doesn't have a diagnosis but OP is having an idea of being ND.

Edited

But she thinks she's on the spectrum...

MademoisellePraline · Today 23:16

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:09

How do you know she's not ND?

Do you have qualifications in recognising, diagnosing and working with ND people?

I do.

And I haven't "cherry picked" details.

But you do you.

Because she's said she's not.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:16

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:14

I quoted the words you used.

i dont have a perfect memory

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Today 23:17

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:14

But she thinks she's on the spectrum...

If so time for an appointment at GP.
And time see a therapist to sort lunch deals.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:18

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:09

@Woodfiresareamazing2 I applied logic. You told me I was wrong because you have worked with ND students. My lived experience of being an autistic person with autistic friends and family is wrong because my logic is not the same as OPs who is NOT diagnosed as ND.

Other autistic people are also disagreeing with both of you.

I did not tell you you were wrong.

I told you my experience and opinion, based on professional training and years of working with 100s of ND people.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:19

MademoisellePraline · Today 23:16

Because she's said she's not.

She said she hasn't been diagnosed, but thinks she's on the spectrum.

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:24

ShetlandishMum · Today 23:17

If so time for an appointment at GP.
And time see a therapist to sort lunch deals.

Edited

I would be very surprised if @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe's GP was at all interested in organising an assessment for her for ND. It's hard enough to get it done for children who desperately need support in school.

ImmortalSnowman · Today 23:25

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:19

She said she hasn't been diagnosed, but thinks she's on the spectrum.

She thinks she is so she must be?

You could cut down the waiting lists for assessment massively, we have 5 children we "think" are on the spectrum.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Today 23:26

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:24

I would be very surprised if @MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe's GP was at all interested in organising an assessment for her for ND. It's hard enough to get it done for children who desperately need support in school.

thats the thing, the waiting times etc and even then then what etc personally i prefer to fly low but i do end up with mixed signals etc at times

OP posts:
MademoisellePraline · Today 23:28

Woodfiresareamazing2 · Today 23:19

She said she hasn't been diagnosed, but thinks she's on the spectrum.

So she's not. But self diagnosed for the purpose of this thread, because she thinks it's a way to mitigate her greediness and lack of manners. Lack of ability to read too, it would seem, given she alleges she is still "puzzled" after the many simplified explanations regarding her behaviour.

Sometimes grabby and greedy behaviour is just that. And it's incredibly offensive, as you've been told repeatedly by the ND posters to try and label OP as ND to excuse her ill manners.