AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

Because it's the mothers time with the kids.. she's the one needing said childcare.

You obviously haven’t read the full thread.

Imagine not reading the full thread

That is ridiculous. YANBU. Part of being and adult is organising children and she messed up.

Presumably she offer to pay for abd organise your Dh's flight home.

She can't possibly expect you to comply with this.
I hope that she returned the money your dh gave her for the club when you looked after them.

And even if you were, it doesn't excuse any of her shenanigans!

This thread has annoyed and frustrated me possibly more than any I have ever read on MN. The OP asked a basic question - should she and her family abandon part of their holiday to rescue (again) her DH’s XW from the consequences of her own flakiness and lack of organisation? Fair enough. But the vipers are out.
1 Very very few have made reference to the fact that XW and her new DP took her children to Spain in the May half-term. And that their father took them to Disney last year. And that OP and her DH are taking all 4 children away for a beach holiday later in the summer.
2 One PP surmises that OP’s DH only moved in with her because she was a home-owner. WTF does that come from?
3 Another sweetie PP has concluded that the XW refunded the childcare costs her Ex had given her - but returned it to OP, who has pocketed it. Again I ask…….WTF?
3 All the speculation about the short time gap between DH leaving XW and OP conceiving is nobody’s business but theirs. If XW had to have a DNA test for her youngest child - and we don’t know the result of that - who could blame the DH for leaving? And say ( for example) OP’s biological clock was ticking (or for many other possible reasons) they decided to conceive sooner rather than later? I don’t know. But neither do PPs either.
4 Finally - and I’m losing the will to live here - OP has said that she and DH are saving to move closer to XW and her DC so that he can see more of them. It was XW who moved away - not him. But OP appears to be OK with moving house etc with all the disruption that entails, to facilitate her DH’s relationship with his children. That doesn’t make her a homewrecker or all the other unpleasant labels that MNers have put on her. It makes her a totally decent and caring human being who I would be very happy to have as a friend.

No I wouldn’t cut an expensive holiday short because of that. She can make other arrangements (there are holiday clubs out there and there are childminders/nannies through korukids etc and she can take time off herself if all else fails).

This is very sad.

Surely his older children will grow up feeling inferior to the younger 2.

I hope your husband also takes his older 2 on holiday with just him and enjoys it.

@Gooseling , you'd think the OP should have the decency to let her children grow up feeling inferior instead wouldn't you.

But Dad doesn’t have them 50:50, so to help his children, when he knows their mother struggles to do it - why can’t he do some of the arranging of holiday child care? He can use the phone / internet.

🙄 Yes he does. OP has explained this.

How fortunate you are to have had your hope fulfilled already! Because that is what he has done in the past.

Do bear in mind that the two elder children spend two-thirds of their time with his ex-wife, so getting her permission to take them on holiday, let alone on holiday abroad, may not be a walk in the park.... And yet he has managed this.

Of course, a lot of how the two older children feel about their father's relationships with all four of his children will probably depend on how much poison, or otherwise, is dripped into their ears by the ex-wife. She may not be entirely impartial in what she tells them about him.

Habe you missed the first sentence of the comment you're quoting? "They went last year"

OPs DH did bring the older 2 just him and them so they could get maximum benefit of Disney for their age and preferences than having to wait around for the toddlers.

She specifically said that her husband took only his 2 DC on Disney holiday last year, with just them. What’s sad about it???

I can only speak from my experience (my DH doesn't have 50:50) but we wouldn't have a clue when my SS's mother needs childcare... I'm sure if the OPs SDs mum asked their father to help with childcare on her access time then he would. But by the time she communicates to him the requirements... she'd have it booked anyway. It takes 2 minutes to ring up.

In this particular instance, the OPs DH had no way of foreseeing his exes mother would get ill?

A year is a long time when you are 5.
The older children are not much older than the OPs children so I don't think they argument holds really. They are stil too small for the big rides. The 4 year old and 6 year old in particular are very likely to want to do the same things.

Good point - thank you.

So she got extra money from your DH but didn't book the children into the holiday club, did she refund the money, if not l hope that he will deduct it from the amount due, she's a cf.

Because this was the mother’s time with her children, not the father’s.

I’m assuming the mother always has to source childcare as the dad only has them 10 days a month

Would you do this if these were your children?? On silent in the bottom of your bag is not the same as being available for an emergency, even in an emergency you might not feel it buzzing.

I just think it is awful to encourage a father to not be there for his children. You’d be appalled if he behaved this way if you needed his help with your two.

Two things here.

One, if she wants to stay married to this man so that she does get his support even if she makes utterly unreasonable demands of him, maybe her best course would be not to screw with someone else while she is with him and then move far away.

Two, why is the ex-wife's partner, for whom it seems she left OP's husband and with whom ex went on holiday in Spain in May, apparently doing nothing about childcare for children his partner is in charge of two-thirds of the time?

This exactly. He was already a dad before he had kids with you, surely his kids should be part of the family holidays, they’re his family. They’re still so young and it will feel like they’re being left out, which they are. I find this so sad.

Jesus Christ try reading the thread, or at least all the OP's contributions before commenting.