AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

And my bingo card is complete with the ‘package deal’ comment.

OP has clearly explained why the dc got separate Disney trips. DSC went last year with dad and they’ll get a holiday this year with dad as well so they haven’t missed out.

He paid for additional childcare that mum opted not to book, they’re hardly in the lurch with their mum. If anything she’s left herself in the lurch and expecting her ex to deal with her lack of organisation.

It not always practical to take all the kids on every holiday when they’re at different ages/stages.

Well on the one hand yes

on the other hand that leaves them vulnerable to being badly affected by his ex - he had paid for childcare for his kids already , why is is then expected to cut short his holiday to look after them? That sounds like it’s deliberate and vindictive and manipulative and unless the kids are in trouble she can take unpaid leave from work

What? You know nothing about OP and her husband's life. She has asked a specific question about whether they should leave their holiday early to look after husbands older children after their mother failed to organise it herself. The rest is irrelevant and none of our business. It's so easy to identify bitter first wives on these threads.

This. And when there are several children with an age spread, not uncommon for parents to do things with some of them and not others. It's about practicality.

Not much of a gap between your eldest and his youngest with ex. He is a quick worker!

I'd let him work this one out quickly, he will find some solution up his sleeve.

Have you asked her to buy the new plane / train tickets for you all ?

Her husband hasn't put the kids in the lurch, his ex wife did. The husband provided money for school club, ex wife didn't book it (and presumably didn't return the money). Ex wife has new husband. I'm sure between the both they could take parental leave until dad gets home from his holiday

I can’t get past you going to Disney without the 6 and 8 year old! She’s unreasonable to expect you to go back now you are there but not half as unreasonable as you were to go without them regardless of if they went before. They are 6 and 8!

She’s also doing it because you’re on holiday, we had years of this.

Switch your phones off. She can’t make you come home anyway.

1/ read my first reply, I said to turn off her phone because first wife is trying to spoil holiday as she probably sees op as a home wrecker. OP responded to me by saying that they took the kids last year.
2/ as the one and only wife and child bearer to my current and only DH, you are correct, I am a first wife! Though by your logic you must be a second or third wife?
3/ I have friends who are second families, who include all the children going on holidays.
4/ If he DH is happy not to take his older two on holiday every time, that says a lot about him, and I hope he never gets a third wife, because he may feel the same about OPs kids!

Two kids of 6 and 8 would be doing totally different rides or activities than kids of 2 and 4. So there’s either a lot of waiting around while each set has their turn, or the parents split up and take two kids each. Which means of course that the dad would have (his) the older kids and therefore the younger ones wouldn’t get much time with him

so it seems reasonable to me that , having had Disney with their dad last year without the little ones around, the little ones get dad this year without the older two around

Your DH had your DC1 (his DC3) when his DC2 was 2 years old?
Wow!

they took them to Disney earlier, just the older two. If you read the thread.

The wife cheated and moved away- she’d have some nerve thinking of the op as a home wrecker?

Well done @UnhealthierWhy . You shouldn't have had to explain but the sneaky barbs towards you from some of those replying needed answering. They should apologise but of course they won't.
You switch your phones off. Let her sort her childcare out. It is clear her children are not her top priority as this is clearly not her first rodeo at neglecting their needs. She should be grateful to have you and their Dad there to bail her out. Time she had to learn some responsibility. Time too for you to set very clear boundaries. The children deserve better.

Well if you read my post you’d see I said regardless if they’d been before so …. Less of the sarky of you read the thread maybe.

Well this is a mess. How did he find himself in a situation where he was having a baby with someone a year after his youngest was born? They also should have come on the holiday with you. If they were teens then perhaps I could see why they wouldn’t get as much out of it but they’re prime age.

She cheated on him when she had a newborn? That seems unusual

I agree it’s annoying but they’re his children.
If it were your kids, for some reason, would you come back for them?
I bet you would.

They are missing out on this holiday though. If their dad is on holiday, then they should be with him imo. Saying that they want time just their own kids and them is so sad. I was an older stepchild too. It fucking sucks. Poor kids.

1/ not relevant to my point
2/ I wasn't referring just to you. There are loads insane similar comments. I'm not married and our only kids are with each other.
3/ Good for them but what's it got to do with this thread? Perhaps they can afford to take 4 kids abroad more easily or are better with coping with 4 young kids all at once.

4/ Who says DH 'isn't happy' about taking all his kids at the same time? It could just be for practical reasons (see point 3).

In any case, none of this relevant to OP's query. You clearly just wanted to pass judgement on OP and her DH.

Not only did she cheat on him when her baby was under a year old, but also during lockdown...!