AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

They were 1 and 3, I imagine they weren't that aware. If he did it again leaving them home I imagine they'd be pretty upset too. It seems like such a harsh plan on his part

Do you think it’s unreasonable and mean that he took the eldest two last year without the youngest?

Have you read the thread @GodDamnitDonut ? It was the Ex WIFE that left this man. She had an affair before she was pregnant with Baby #2 and continued it during. The man in this situation didn’t even know if baby #2 was his and the EX then decided to move a long distance away to be with her new man (presumably the one she had a affair with) and took the kids with her.

It sounds like you have some issues that’s tainted your view on men….

Whys it shit?!

I have things I do with only one of my kids that the others aren't involved in.. It's called life 🙄

Agreed. I know of a case of a woman who had an affair with her best friend's husband. She had a very young child when it started. She then had a second child. Not long after the birth she and the BF's H were discovered in flagrante and both couples split up. The ex-husband insisted on a DNA test and it emerged that the second child had been fathered by the BF's H, not the ex-husband, who was on the birth certificate and presumably had to get it re-issued. Remarkably, they are all on good terms now, but it took a long time to reach that point.

this is actually relevant to the thread, but since you’ve bought it up. Why are you presuming the DH in this situation doesn’t want the kids more often than 10 days? I work with one lady and have a friend from a different circle who purposely withhold their children’s time with their dads so they can get more maintenance to live off. They don’t want 50/50 because it means no cash for them.

OP sadly this thread was never going to go well as the pure hatred for stepmothers on mumsnet is absolutely insane. You could say you have your step kids 29/30 days a month and pay the mum £30k a month and you’d still be told you’re unfair.

of course the mum needs to arrange this herself - either she takes the time off work or she finds alternative childcare. There is no issue at all with you taking your kids to Disney without the older two, especially as they’ve already been.

Bloody hell, why do some people have this compulsion to jam 'you knew' into each and every thread that has anything whatsoever to do with stepparenting? 🙄OP isn't complaining about being a stepparent, she's complaining because the ex is taking the piss. Divorced women aren't all saints, you know.

Just saying my mum and dad had 4 kids and they regularly split us up for holidays to make it easie/more fun. None of us have any lasting resentment towards each other or our parents.

Restlessdreams1994
It must be pretty horrible for the older two to only see their dad ten days a month when the two younger half-siblings are with him all the time.

(provided that they actually like him, which hasn't been said.)

This is actually something I find confusing.

OK, the ex moved a long way off, so the two older children have to travel a long way for the two contacts, with each parent, to be maintained.

But I don't quite see why this would mean they have to spend twice as much time in one place as in the other: if it were 50/50 they'd be making the same journey the same number of times.

So one or other parent must have wanted their mother to have them twice as much as their father does, and it sounds very much as if it was the decision of the mother: she seems to be calling the shots somewhat.

Going by other divorced mums here, isn't that something she would have wanted? She's not a single parent; she has a partner for whom she left the children's father, so she isn't struggling to look after them on her own. Or is she? Her partner is the missing person in this account of what goes on, and I would like to know what part he plays.

No, he took the older two on their own last year while the younger two who would have have been 3 and 1 at the time stayed at home. This year he has taken the younger two. The younger children are entitled to have a holiday with their biological parents just as much as the older kids are.

I would if they’d been old enough to know and understand what was going on. But they weren’t.

The projections on this thread are insane!

Have a lovely holiday, OP.

So 2 of you would have been left home in childcare while the other 2 went to Disneyland and you'd have been quite happy at home in childcare while your 2 siblings had a week in Disney?

She's gone to Disneyland leaving 2 if her husbands 4 children at home in childcare. That's what it's to do with being a step parent.

Hope she returned the money? Her problem. Enjoy your holiday.

Maybe you could take 2 of your children to Disneyland and leave the other 2 out, I definitely couldn't. It's horrible on the part of the dh that he could, happily apparently

Because it’s true. OP did know and she made a decision to continue in the relationship knowing that. The ex wife is being a douche, but it doesn’t mean that the op and her DH aren’t utter twats excluding 2 kids, whether they went the year before or not!

You can’t get people home from holiday for this! Trip of a lifetime

are you sure she isn’t acting out because you didn’t take the other children?

😂Double standards at its finest! Either all the kids are treated equally and included everytime or they aren’t. That seems to be the narrative on here, but only when it applies to the children being looked after by a biological mother as you’ve just proved!

i would not be cutting the holiday short. Separately your partner has little self restraint, he has 4 children under age 8 by two women, knowing that his first set is left in an environment of unorganised chaos.

Is her current partner the one she cheated with to end the marriage? What are she and new man doing for her children, she has the money she conned out of the OP's husband to put towards it.

It’s not a double standard at all. A 1 year old isn’t going to know or care that his/her siblings are at Disney without him/her. An 8 year old absolutely will.

It’s not a simplistic either/or as narrated in your post. There is absolutely nuance. But leaving behind a 6 and 8 year old is not nuance. It’s just crap.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate
That's why she keeps doing it - stop accomodating her! I assure you'll soon stop pulling these stunts when there's no one there to bail her out. If you got plans, you got plans. You're on holiday, she needs to book a babysitter or something.

Like a trip to Disney or a lunch date?
As the children get older they should all be brought on the family holiday.