AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

if the other 2 had been to Disney last year then yes. Why do 2 kids get 2 holidays but the others only get 1?

but alas I do not have step kids so I don’t need to deal with this BS from women on mums net screaming every child has to be treated equally.

2 of us were left with a parent or with friends whilst other 2 enjoyed a few days away with parents. It was mostly mini breaks, the only time it was a big holiday was when my parents took older 2 to New York for theatre, museum stuff and the younger 2 enjoyed the same holiday about 4 years later.

My point is not all families work the same and my parents chose to do some separate holidays so I don't perceive it as awful thar other families make that choice blended or not.

She'll need to let her work know she needs to take parental leave because she has to watch her own children.

this is her mess, it's a regular event, and some of it seems designed to mess up OP's husband's plans. Stop engaging on it. She needs to sort it.

A good step mum would expect her husband/partner to treat all his children equally. It's the measure of a good man and a good family.

Well, being 6 & 8, just maybe they have to go to school 20 days a month? Just throwing that out there

Hi op she’s obviously trying to ruin your holiday this is her mistake so let her get on with it. Make sure your dh asks for a refund for the money that was never used as well. She might even learn from this mistake was probably deliberate I don’t see how you can forget childcare after asking for the money for it. Fuck her she can take unpaid leave if necessary she has to let her employer down instead of her kids.

Because two sets of kids have 2 sets of parents with different financial circumstances

Because one of those sets of kids has a place in two families and not unreasonably should expect to join in family activities

Because most parents don't go on holiday snd pick and choose which children to take.

HTH

@MiaKulper Think you replied to the wrong person :-)

And then get ten days off? My school didn't work like that, and my children's schools didn't work like that, and since the ex's problem is that the school holidays have happened at her and she can't cope with them I don't think the 6-year-old's and 8-year-old's school (or schools) can either.

If the husband had them during school holidays, this whole thread wouldn't have happened, would it. And they wouldn't have gone to Spain with the ex and her new partner during the May school break.

And then get ten days off?
Have you heard of the concept of a weekend?

Yeah.... to be fair I never found time to be shagging around with an infant... but then again I was a solo parent so maybe it's different during lock down with a partner and unable to leave the house?

BudgetBuster
Have you heard of the concept of a weekend?

So they spend most of each weekend travelling? How peachy for them.

But as we know, they are with the ex for at least a fortnight at a time: "she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. " Not a five days/two days arrangement, then.

Maybe he's learned his lesson and will do next time. Call me a cynic but I wonder if she ever had any intention of booking it but wanted the money.

@ojhdddhjs76

Just feels very convenient OP is ticking all the saint boxes (even saving up to move next them god bless her) and the ex all the devil ones. Just all a bit predictable if you ask me.

I know this is a site that's supposed to be supportive of mums but it irks me that there are posters who will not acknowledge that some women can be spiteful. The ex wants her DCs on their birthdays so if it's dad's time to have them she doesn't let them go. She's the one who moved hours away, but apparently it's his fault that he doesn't see them more. There are women out there - yes, really - who absolutely block the ex husband from seeing his kids. (a) They want to get maintenance, which they wouldn't if it was 50/50. And (b) they know it hurts their ex which is even better.

Not every first wife is a saint and not every second wife - or her husband - is a sinner.

I just don’t know how anyone can go on holiday without 2 of their children :(. That’s really sad.

Well we clearly don't know the access arrangements. It's obviously not a 5/2 arrangement because the OPs DH has them 10 overnights pm not 8.

Also arrangements often change during non term time. I can only speak for my own DHs order which is a 5/2/2/5 scenario but during the summer each parent gets 14 day blocks in order to facilitate any holidays.

They also regularly swap days if it's in the best interests of the child. For example SS mum wanted to go to a gig with him so she took 2 of my DHs days in June and we will have SS an extra 2 days in August.

Also we don't know how far the travel is.

I agree, no one is a saint and no one is a sinner all the time, people are far more nuanced than that. So when an OP comes on pleading sweetness and light trotting out every trope in the book when they had a child just 2 years after he had a child with his first wife, don’t expect everyone to lap up everything she says. You said yourself women aren’t perfect, of course they’re not, OP definitely isn’t either.

He is.

He took the eldest 2 to Disney last year, and is taking the youngest 2 there this year.

Totally equal.

If he took the oldest 2 again this year, that would be unfair on the youngest 2.

I imagine a benefit of splitting the DC Disney experience across the years is that the older kids got 1 on 1 time with their dad. If all 4 went last year and this year the DSCs might feel they wanted a bit of special time with their dad. I suppose it depends how close all 4 are but I can see why it makes sense to take them in 2 lots of 2 vs the larger group of 4. I actually think it's a nice idea!

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

Wow he moved on pretty quick. WTF is wrong with these men who seem to need to procreate so frequently?

any comment about the mum who can’t seem to look after the two kids she has, or just the dad?

I don’t think you should cut your holiday short, you should advise her she can take unpaid parental leave which is a legal entitlement.
I am interested to know if you separated from your husband and had two more children with someone else would you leave your current children with your now husband whilst you went on holiday with your other two children and your new husband? I can kind of appreciate the Disney situation is special and I know of a few families who have taken older children one year and younger the next and left the others with grandparents but I feel that’s quite specific situation and surely you don’t just mean generally you would go on holiday without your step children?

I think it's awful how much you're against a father spending time with just his older kids. Why do the younger 2 have to be there all the time? It's good that he took the older kids to Disney and he can focus on just them. Why are you so angry?

I'm not angry at all.

She had extra money for childcare AND a holiday club for last week and didn't use it.

So why doesn't she have any money for childcare this week?

I have read the OP's posts but not the full thread, so apologies if this point has been made.

Women expression opinions aren’t ‘screaming’, you’ve let your internalised misogyny slip out there.

I’m a step-parent. The best thing about it is you get to see what kind of parent your partner is before you commit to children with them.

Can only suggest anyone contemplating it thinks long and hard before having a child with anyone who sees their children so little, prefers to holiday without them, and is comfortable with their kids going through so much change over such a very very short period of time with two families so very close in age,