AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

All the more reason to take them on holiday then, surely? Or actually not, since op posted that “they like to do things just their DC”??
As a step child and a step mum, no, I wouldn’t do that.

If his older kids were teenagers I'd agree, however these are 4 very close in age children

That’s her problem . Sorry but no way in hell I would cut my kids holiday short for someone who hobos an adult and needs to sort out her life

But a 2 yr old and an 8yr old won't be doing the same things on a trip like Disney.

I agree that on maybe a normal sun holiday going to the beach and swimming pool etc it'd be unjustifiable not bringing all the kids. But a trip like Disney which is so expensive, I personally think it makes sense to divide and conquer. Perhaps they all could have gone together on year but then the parents would likely be split the entire week going in opposite directions with different child groups.

I think there is a massive difference between even six and two.

Potentially a holiday with an eight year old, six year old and four year old is manageable but not with a two year old in the mix.

So the other children went on holiday with their mum and her partner, so they've had a holiday. God forbid OP wants a holiday with her own children alone. Considering the older kids get to have their's alone. I can't believe a mother would use her children's money given specifically for childcare on some shite for herself. Then get more for other things and again spends on herself. Don't be so bloody rude!

You can switch your phone back in 3x a day (am, lunch, evening) to check so you’re not as worried about emergencies.

Fwiw I think you need to stop telling her what you’re doing re taking the dcs in hols early on.
It’s her time either way the dcs. She needed childcare organised anyway.

So don’t tell her ahead of time. Check how it works out with the older dcs (you don’t want to keep THEM in the dark! So you need a middle ground between not saying anything to anyone and telling everyone way ahead oyswim)

I didn't take it at face value.

There are 2 parents going, it's a perfectly ordinary age gap, I've an 8 yr old my sister has a 2 yr old, we do days out together and there's loads both can enjoy but also they can compromise and split up at points. He has 4 kids, when you have 4 kids that's how holidays work. Even with 2 kids it's how days out and holidays work. Realistically a 2 yr old will be doing minimal Disney activities other than smiling and waving at characters from a buggy, which she could do waiting for a rollercoaster.

Too true. This woman's got some nerve expecting her ex to disrupt his holiday because she can't get her shit together. I bet she hasn't returned the money either. This sounds like the kind of stunt my DSD's mum would have pulled back in the day.

Yeah but maybe as a family they've decided this is best for them... like I said some things can be done with parents separating on the day, some can be done with activities for all or maybe like this scenario it's just 2 different trips.

Has she returned the extra money for childcare that she didn’t book?

People saying the dh should holiday with all 4 kids are making a very big assumption that the children WANT to be blended. In practice usually, especially the first family, do not!!
The ex will have to sort it out.If she was seriously ill, it would be a different matter.

It depends on how close to three she is. But even thinking back to last summer (DD was three last month) I am not sure at all she would have sat quietly and waved and smiled from her buggy

I do sometimes think posters confuse two years with two months! Yes, < 18 months maybe but I don’t think many children older than that would sit happily in a buggy waving!

It’s also very different having one eight year old to one adult and one two year old and one adult to one two year old and three children to the other.

My youngest is 5, she was 2 not that long ago, at Disney there may be 1 or 2 things she could have gone on (she has always loved carousels and teacup type things) at 5 she's really into rollercoasters while my 8 yr old would rather have his hand chopped off) so it's not that I'm super old and didn't very recently have a toddler. We wouldn't have taken ours at 2 and 4 because it would have been lost on eldest who hates rides and youngest would literally have pottered about enjoying seeing the characters but that would have been about it.

Also with a 4 yr old child and 6 year old stepchild I wonder how big the difference is. You've made me think of that with your 'how close to 3' there could be just over a year's difference if stepchild has just turned 6 and eldest child is about to turn 5.

Well yes, I'd assume all children would go to a ride if 3)4 of them wanted to go on it with 1 parent not going on but staying beside the ride with the toddler.

@Velumental I’m not suggesting for a moment you’re super old, but I know myself our memories are not reliable with these things. I have a five year old; it already seems light years since he was two and I know I’ve forgotten exactly what he was like; it merges with the one year old him and the three and four year old.

I can say that I don’t think many children bar babies would just sit in a pushchair while their siblings had fun, but I do accept children are different.

In any case the OP is there now with just two children, and that’s that.

It’s fine to take your own children on holiday, the step kids got a solo holiday with DH last year and no doubt get trips with their mum.

Everyone get some solo time with dad and that’s fine. can’t believe you’d be expected to take everyone everywhere - madness.

This, they’re barely older than yours with him. He didn’t leave much of a gap before he moved onto a new family!

Read the thread and you will have your answer

The answer appears to be 'we didn't want them there and thought that was reasonable' which is definitely nuts.

I wonder how the little ones felt when their daddy took their two older siblings to Disney without them last year…

Would you go onliday to Disneyland with your 2 and 4 yr old leaving your 6 and 8 yr old at home?