DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Lose the weight or lose the bikini.

He said it with his eyes so of course she pushed him.

OP, to hell with what he thinks. I’m in my late 40s, weight fluctuates, and often only wear half a bikini.

You are in control of your feelings and reactions so this shows that you arent happy about yourself. It wasnt your DH that made you feel like that. People make insensitive comments all the time without appreciating how they might be taken. I dont think he intentionally meant to hurt you.

Then she shouldn’t have asked. There appears to be an awful lot of reading comprehension difficulty throughout the thread. DH didn’t say anything until OP pushed for his opinion. He could have lied, but what would be the purpose when his words would have belied what was on his face ?

You did push for an answer. Bodies change- some people have different wardrobes to accommodate their fluctuations in shape and size. Why don’t you buy a new bikini and enjoy your holiday?

Said it with his eyes , Jesus that’s a stretch,

He’s given her a look. He’s expressed his thought via body language, of course she’s asked him to clarify. These comments are wild.

I completely disagree.

I want honesty from my husband - if you cant be honest with each other then whats the point? Honesty doesnt have to be cruel or unkind. It can be phrased sensitively and kindly.

Ive asked my husband what clothes look like on me before and he's said that one outfit looks a little tight in one particular area or something else suits me better- all fine. He was right. Equally, he asked me the other day if I thought he was getting a slight gut - I told him it looked like he had put on a little weight yes, but nothing hugely noticeable. He's now rejoined the gym, we go together, and it's been really fun.

I dont want smoke blown up my arse - I think its more cruel to tell someone everything looks great and lie to them when it really doesnt.

Jesus, now a look can say your bikini is too small. Who knew eyes can be so articulate.

No, not lack of reading comprehension. He gave her a funny look so of course she pushed it, as most people would. Normal human reaction from OP.

Humans don’t need language to express emotions.

Wow so many snarky comments about reading his reaction. I never knew so many people could not interpret facial expressions!

Me too, and my husband does this, it’s pure shite. I can’t trust a word that comes out his mouth if everything looks fab. So now I ask my daughter. She tells me honestly, kindly but honestly, if I want to know I ask her.

I do not get the concept of asking then getting upset when told, and wanting your partner to lie to you or not tell you so you can carry on looking bad and kidding yourself you don’t. I think the op deep down knew and that’s why she pushed.

as said, if we were on hols and my husband fronted up in a pair of swim trunks too small, sure as hell I’d tell him. I’d say your trunks are too small, put another pair on. Or let’s go buy you some if he didn’t have more. Thays not commenting on his body it’s simply commenting on the fit of the clothing, as the ops husband did,

If your bikini is a 10 and you are now a 14 then I dare say you could squeeze yourself into it. Would it look the best it could ? No of course it wouldn't. If you want him to lie / say nothing ( saying nothing was clearly his first choice) that's fine but the photos by the pool would have told you the truth . He did you a favour.

Exactly- how can you trust anything someone says when they only tell you what you want to hear all the time?

This reminds me of those parents/family on the X factor who proudly proclaim their kid/family member has the voice of an angel and keep encouraging them to sing in public when it's patently obvious to everyone they sound like a cat being strangled to death. The person then makes a complete fool of themselves on national tv.

Its cruel.

Because what people see in the mirror isn’t always what others see.

She pushed him to tell her, so he did. She asked him twice to say what he was thinking. If you don’t want to know the answer , don’t ask the question.

And if anyone round the pool had given funny looks or muttered something, as people do, she’d have been upset he hadn’t said anything.
She knows she put on a lot of weight, so why be touchy about being told something looks tight? If it fitted well before weight gain, it stands to reason it would look tighter now.

OP, my DH once made thoughtless comments about my weight and it stung. I felt so hurt but it spurred me on and I lost the weight. Shifted about 4 stone and it felt good and I now I drop in the odd 'thoughtless comment' about his protruding belly to get my own back.

Then she shouldn’t have asked. There appears to be an awful lot of reading comprehension difficulty throughout the thread. DH didn’t say anything until OP pushed for his opinion. He could have lied, but what would be the purpose when his words would have belied what was on his face ?

Again, if you have a dh and he gave you funny looks wouldn't you want to know why, especially when they follow up with 'nothing'. Thats as shifty as he'll.

There's nothing wrong with my reading comprehension. I can see she asked him why he looked at her funny. Of course he could have lied and i agree that wouldn't have served a purpose but to give funny looks in the first and not saying something there and then is just odd. Its even odder to say he didn't want her to be uncomfortable, surely she is the judge of that, and for saying he doesnt want her to look silly,again that's on her. Her perspective is fine, after all there are all shapes and sizes around a pool. If op was OK with herself that's fine.

Of course they can. Facial expressions say a lot without words…that’s how we tell people are lying, or happy or sad . Even the way people stand or move speaks. Body language and ‘tells’ . Even just a ‘look’ can speak volumes .
I looked at my kids, they’d stop fighting . I didn’t need to speak. Husband called it ‘your Princess Anne look’

I have a friend who expresses delight and total joy at whatever the thing is. " Oh I love your dress/ hat/ bag , you look lovely". I've known her for 40 years so I know when that's bollocks. I would never ask her opinion about anything to do with clothes because the response , whether I looked genuinely amazing or like sausage meat stuffed in a skin, would be the same. It has no actual value. Being kind means stopping someone you love going out in something that doesn't fit. There are so many people out and about these days who would have benefited from a full length mirror and an honest friend/ spouse. You admit you have put on a lot of weight. It is your choice to embrace the weight , and buy bigger clothes, or decide you hate it ( that seems to be your feeling ) and get rid of it.

It’s a difficult one, OP. You say the bikini is a size 16-18 and you’re now a size 18 so it’s not wildly undersized. But as some other posters have said, i tend to size up because i don’t like clothes to be too tight.

I understand the principle that some posters have mentioned of “I will wear what I damn well like”. But not all clothing suits all body shapes and to me it seems a bit odd to insist on wearing something that doesn’t flatter. Many people are not well adapted for wearing skinny jeans, for example, but would look fabulous in bootcut jeans.

That is not to say that this bikini doesn’t flatter you – perhaps it does - but I think you will feel more confident in something that is a bit looser rather than an article of clothing which is constantly reminding you that you have gained weight. My weight has fluctuated a lot over the years from a size 10 to a size 18 (my current size) and lots of sizes in between, up and down and back since my 20s through to my now late 50s - not rapid changes, gradual ones. I would like to be lighter than i am now and am working on it. I think it is good to work on fitness if you can. But at each phase (including now), i have made sure i am wearing clothes which accommodate my size because i feel so much more comfortable in them and i look better in them.

I say if your happy in your bikini then wear your bikini, love yourself, love your body.

You both felt the exact same way about the bikini being tighter on you than it was when you originally wore it.

It seems you wanted him to pretend it didn’t look tighter and wasn’t digging in when actually, you knew for a fact that it was.
You wanted him to say you looked good in it as that would have boosted your confidence enough to enjoy wearing it.

Personally, I’d prefer the truth over the pretence. I would want to know I can really trust what my partner says. But we all different …and have different sensitivities, I know.

The solution is not to let this little incident get to you any more, don’t let it spoil any more of your precious holiday together.
Instead, treat yourself to some lovely new beach wear OP….bikinis, cover ups, shorts, sarongs etc.