DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

So we don’t know him at all but you’re perfectly happy to label him “an insecure little man using digs to slyly keep a woman in check”.

Whereas when my bloke tells me something I’m wearing doesn’t look great I totally appreciate it. I’m very happy that he’s saved me from the humiliation of other people thinking derogatory things about me.

Really? You don’t think that the people around you can give an assessment on whether a bikini fits properly? The OP said it was too tight, and her partner confirmed it. What’s wrong with that?

I once told my wife that a particular cut of trouser she was trying on gave her camel toe. Should I have kept quiet and risk her being embarrassed in public?

I guess the world is split into two types of people.

1/ those who feel if their partner is wearing something ill advised, it should be pointed out, and wish to have the same back as if you can’t rely on your partner who can you rely on, as long as it’s done kindly as in the op

2/ and those who think they should never say, or even lie, and just let you look as you do,and would never tell their partners either as they deem the truth too hard to bear.

im in the first group. As said, im dismayed as my husband will never tell me, its shit, I’m a confident dresser, but if I do ask his opinion as unsure I’d prefer he tells me, rather than just say everything is great.

so I need to rely on my daughter, if I’m unsure of an outfit I text her an image. And ask her opinion, as I value her judgement, and she’s my best interests at heart, where as my husband will go yup looks lovely,😂

and I do tell my husband if he puts something on that either doesn’t go together, isn’t suitable for the occasion or doesn’t fit right, for the simple reason I love him and I don’t want him to look like a bit of a twat.

As i've already said above, there's a big difference between 'I think that looks a little bit tight', and (what he said) 'I'm surprised you're wearing that', which implies that it's ridiculous for me to wear it. That's what upset me. Its not like I was squeezing myself into something that was multiple sizes too small.

Also for people saying i 'badgered' him...are you seriously saying that if your partner gave you a very odd look and you asked them what was wrong and they said 'nothing', you'd just go 'oh, ok, it's nothing then'? Yes I asked him what was up, but there's tactful ways of saying things to someone. That's my point,

I'm aware I need to lose weight and i'm working on it, so I don't need people to tell me and advise me about that. Regardless of that, i'm still entitled to try and feel happy and comfortable while I do.

Even if he didn't mean to upset you, he did. I'd expect a good husband to be receptive to that, and learn to phrase things differently.

If you haven't, I'd mention to him that you know he didn't mean it negatively, but you're sensitive about your body even if it seems like a neutral thing to say, for you, it's not.

Hypocrisy includes pointing out flaws in others that you possess yourself. Eg a less than ‘perfect’ body.

As i've already said above, there's a big difference between 'I think that looks a little bit tight', and (what he said) 'I'm surprised you're wearing that', which implies that it's ridiculous for me to wear it. That's what upset me. Its not like I was squeezing myself into something that was multiple sizes too small.

Also for people saying i 'badgered' him...are you seriously saying that if your partner gave you a very odd look and you asked them what was wrong and they said 'nothing', you'd just go 'oh, ok, it's nothing then'? Yes I asked him what was up, but there's tactful ways of saying things to someone. That's my point,

I'm aware I need to lose weight and i'm working on it, so I don't need people to tell me and advise me about that. Regardless of that, i'm still entitled to try and feel happy and comfortable while I do.

He didn’t say it was too tight he said he was surprised she was wearing it.

it’s a holiday for godsake not a fashion show, people get hot, you should be able to wear whatever you want. I don’t need people around me on holiday to look any particular way because I’m focusing on my own stuff. I always assumed other people were also just doing there own thing.

Mumsnet now got me thinking people are sitting around assessing other peoples swimwear. The vast majority of people around Op wouldn’t care what she’s wearing by the pool so I don’t understand why it’s become such a thing about her weight etc. I have awful cellulity thighs (fairly sure I have a condition, it’s that bad ). Nothing which involves showing my legs is going to look good, literally nothing will make them appear nicer, should I have to keep them hidden my entire holiday?

The voice of reason. That is what most couples do, and it is not 'nasty' to be honest, and stop your spouse from making a fool of themselves, looking silly in much too tight clothes.

So much bluster and projection on here. Husband tells wife her bikini is a bit too tight for her, after she admits she has gained a lot of weight - A LOT not a bit, she said so herself ... And she did ask for his opinion too, as he gave her a 'funny look' when she appeared in said bikini...

But somehow he is the monster. 🤔

What an odd response.

He said it was digging in and riding up, if that’s not too tight what is,

she raised her weight, not the posters or her husband,

and no one is sitting assessing other people’s swimwear. But let’s be honest, we all notice someone who looks very good or very bad, too small trunks or bikini, or a gorgeous costume or great figure,

no one said she’d to cover up. Inc her husband.

I feel very mixed on this. Of course he shouldn’t have made that comment, could have put it more kindly and also if you’re happy wearing it OP and felt good that is all that matters.

However, it’s really really rare for anyone to genuinely look good in a bikini (rather then another type of one piece/set) over a size 10. If you’re very tall it is maybe different, but as a fellow shorter woman who changes shape/size with every 2lb gained I know that’s true for me.

i have gone from a 6/8 to a size 12 in the 18 years me and DH have been together. Middle age has hit my shape hard. I genuinely feel really good about myself in a swim set or a well fitted one piece. A bikini just makes me hyper aware of all the bits that have changed and I lose my self confidence immediately. Is that possibly what’s happened here, a bit?

Really? You don’t think that the people around you can give an assessment on whether a bikini fits properly? The OP said it was too tight, and her partner confirmed it. What’s wrong with that?

I once told my wife that a particular cut of trouser she was trying on gave her camel toe. Should I have kept quiet and risk her being embarrassed in public?

Fancy a woman appearing like the shape of a woman!

But it's OK for men to have a visible package in that area!

Fancy a woman appearing like the shape of a woman!

But it's OK for men to have a visible package in that area!

No, it’s absolutely not okay for men to wear trousers so tight that it gives a full outline of their genitalia either. Why would it be? And what sort of men are you hanging out with if you are making that comparison?

But the shape of women’s (think leggings, think bums, think boobs) and men’s bodies can be seen through clothes (including a lot of men’s trousers); there’s nothing wrong in that. We are the shape we are.

But the shape of women’s (think leggings, think bums, think boobs) and men’s bodies can be seen through clothes (including a lot of men’s trousers); there’s nothing wrong in that. We are the shape we are.

But the shape of women’s (think leggings, think bums, think boobs) and men’s bodies can be seen through clothes (including a lot of men’s trousers); there’s nothing wrong in that. We are the shape we are.

eh no, it is never ok to show the outline of your genitalia, I’m stunned you think it is, man or woman, it’s a no, and if you’ve a bit of that going on, then you need to stop

as the age old saying goes, just say no to camel toe.

Yeah that’s something I never thought I’d need to say but MN is a constant surprise!