DH's comment about my bikini has really knocked my confidence

Sorry about the use of the word 'badger' coming across as negative, OP. I didn't mean to imply you were unreasonable to ask multiple times! I might've too.

If this is still bothering you then I would have another talk with him about it.

From what you've said it doesnt sound like he is deliberately trying to drag you down out of some horrible intention because he is an abusive man.

Lord knows, I am sure all of us have at times put our foot in our mouths and perhaps not phrased things as delicately as we could have at times- it doesnt make us evil or controlling, it makes us human. I know I have, and I doubt the people in this thread implying he is abusive have always had the "perfect" response for every occasion despite what they say.

Dont let one comment ruin your holiday. Unless this is a pattern with him, talk to him and let it go.

Are you pissed off the answers were not what you wished maybe? As you were rhe one who said he was a good husband and wasn’t trying to be mean. Now you’re acting like you want people to tell you he’s way out of line and a right bastard and mean as fuck. The man never once referred ro your body, only your swimwear.

look it’s very clear you’re hugely sensitive about your weight. No one said you shouldn’t feel happy and comfortable whilst you lose it.

But what does feeling happy and comfortable mean , how does it translate, as it clear refers to others behavuour not yours. do you want everyone to tell you you look great, or your weighr should never be mentioned, and if you wear something that doesn’t look good on you you want people to say nothing.do you want to be lied to, by means of omission or deliberately. Articulate your needs.

if you do wish to lose the weight, for both physical and mental health, as it’s clear you’re struggling right now mentally, then I’d recommend weight loss mediation, at an average of 2lbs a week weight loss, in 7 months you can be back to your original weight. Which means next summers holiday will be a lot easier and swimwear less of a sensitive area. And I don’t think you felt shit about yourself as he said your bikini was too small. I think you felt shit about yourself due to the weight. And many of us get that. But it doesn’t mean it’s his fault.

If my partner gave me a look and I asked him to explain it. Whilst I might be upset by the answer I’d still be grateful he told me. We’ve been together since we were teens. We’ve spent two decades growing and changing alongside each other. We do point out things like this to each other, then we decide whether or not we care enough to change it.

You said your DH is a good guy, trust in that and try and enjoy the rest of your time away.

Even if he didn't mean to upset you, he did. I'd expect a good husband to be receptive to that, and learn to phrase things differently.

If you haven't, I'd mention to him that you know he didn't mean it negatively, but you're sensitive about your body even if it seems like a neutral thing to say, for you, it's not.

He was probably trying to avoid saying that the bikini was too tight as you would have probably become upset and so he just said that he was surprised that you were wearing the bikini.
You would have taken umbrage with anything he said because you are uncomfortable with your weight gain

Years ago I put on weight in quite a short time. Eventually I bowed to the inevitable and bought some jeans the next size up, and someone asked me if I had lost weight.

Squeezing into a too-small bikini because you used to look good in it when you were slimmer is not a great strategy, and has just made you unhappy.

But again, you asked him to tell you what he was thinking. So he did, and he wasn't thinking "Thats looks a bit tight", he was thinking "I'm surprised you're wearing that"

DP has over the last 20 years been a wide variety of different weights. If she came out wearing an outfit that didn't fit her, then I likely would do a double take, and probably would be surprised that she was wearing something that didn't fit.

I'd be surprised because DP is usually very good at dressing to her current weight, and consigning certain items to the wardrobe until they fit her again. My double take wouldn't have been because she was wearing something that didn't fit, but that she'd chosen it and that she was happy about it.

You asked your husband what the look was about. Presumably you wanted a truthful answer. "That looks a bit tight" wouldn't have been truthful. "I'm surprised you're wearing that" was.

Take a picture of yourself in the bikini. For some reason I’d look fine (to my eyes) in a mirror but when I saw myself in a photo it was an ‘oh my fucking life’ moment. Mirrors are lying bastards!

I took two bikinis away with me last week. Same sizes but i have put on a stone in 6 months (Surgery and also peri not helping). One was fine. The other i put on, looked in the mirror, saw iy just looked awful and binned it. Technically it fit on me but by god i did not look good in it.

i also know that if i asked my husband’s opinion he would have said it looked fine. And that is why i do not trust the word of my husband.

Couldn't it be the other way around?

Yeah me too, I could never understand why I looked like I did on the ring door bell or when people took candid shots, I certainly didn’t think I looked as fat as I did.

I’d think how the fuck do I take such bad pics and everyone else looks like them. At one point I also looked at my husband on ring for comparison, and he didn’t look bigger. But my brain was not seeing the reality in the mirror.

its a bloody odd thing. You also see the same whe people lose weight, they can’t see it, it’s like our brains take longer to catch up when we look in the mirror, we see what we expect to see.

Yeah me too, I could never understand why I looked like I did on the ring door bell or when people took candid shots, I certainly didn’t think I looked as fat as I did.

I can relate. I was still wearing my size 12 clothes, albeit uncomfortably. It was only when I saw a big fat woman on our security camera and realised in horror that it was me, that I took action.

He wasn’t . The OP said herself ‘ it was definitely tighter than it used to be’.
And her DH said it looked too tight and things were digging in.

OP would you have preferred he said nothing and then you see a photo of yourself and think goodness what do I look like, what was I thinking?

You'd have preferred him to lie?

Honestly, he saw what you saw. You’re trying to convince yourself you look ok. Maybe just diet. Issue will then go away and you won’t have to try to convince yoursekf you look ok, and he won’t see the issue because you will have solved it.

Think maybe your confidence is lower because of your changed body so more sensitive to comments. I wouldn't be mad if not meant rudely/unkindly as agree honesty is important and I'd tell my husband if his clothes had a mark/tear/didn't fit well etc. You were upset so he could apologise for that as outcome rather than just intention matters too!

Maybe buy yourself a new bikini or tank/short seperates you feel good in to help body confidence

But a lot of clothing manufacturers lump sizes together. For example 12-14. 16-18. So if you go up say, one size, you may still be in the same sized bikini.

Cup sized swimwear works better for me.

I would tell my husband his clothes looked to small if he was wearing something that didn’t fit and I think he’d do the same, I don’t think he meant to make you feel bad.

This - you did ask him … ask yourself if you would have preferred he lied when you asked?

I would ditch the bikini and head for a naturist beach if possible. In our experience people tend to be a lot less judgmental when we’re all different shapes, sizes, ages and colours and everyone is naked. No tight straps, nothing digging in and no tan lines, and much more comfortable not having to sit in a soggy wet costume after swimming.

I also don’t think he did anything wrong, OP. A bikini is one of those outfits that needs to fit properly whatever size you are, and you said yourself that it was tighter on you than last year. He was not saying you shouldn’t wear a bikini because of your weight, but that the bikini you were wearing didn’t fit properly. A partner should be able to tell you things like that.

OK, I have to point something out because you are making out he did something wrong as in your words, you never asked... in your very own post though we see this
[Quote
"Nothing", but I said "No, what is it?"
Eventually he said, "I was just surprised you were wearing that bikini."
I asked him what he meant and he said that he thought it looked too tight and that they were digging in on me. He said he wasn't trying to be horrible, but he was only saying it because he'd rather I knew than walked around the pool feeling uncomfortable or looking silly.
[/Quote]

He initially doesnt tell you, you asked again what it was, "eventually he told you" so how many times did you ask before he though, jesus I just wanna shut you up!!!

You then asked him what that meant, again, you asked the question... he only answered you truthfully... would you have preferred a lie?

Really? You don’t think that the people around you can give an assessment on whether a bikini fits properly? The OP said it was too tight, and her partner confirmed it. What’s wrong with that?

I once told my wife that a particular cut of trouser she was trying on gave her camel toe. Should I have kept quiet and risk her being embarrassed in public?