To say open relationships are bullshit

One of my (young adult) DC was recently propositioned by a friend in an ‘open relationship’: DC wasn’t impressed.

I agree. It generally looks pretty grim.

Not for me but each to their own .

It works for some people quite successfully. But it does of course need to be ok with both people in a relationship to work.
monogamy doesn’t work a lot of the time either.

Not my cup of tea at all. Can imagine there's often one person pushing the agenda.

I think it is always without exception more complicated than it sounds, because the ‘side’ person is a real human being, not just a function of the relationship of two other people.

No thank you!

There have always been open relationships, and loads that have worked and loads that havnt.... much like monogamous relationships, in fact, where the failure rate must be higher than the success rate, at a guess!
You just didnt hear about them because we lived in more conservative times so these things weren't talked about as much.
For some people it works very well. The failures are just more interesting so thats what you'll hear, just like tales of an antagonistic breakup are more interesting than an amicable separation.

Just because you can't imagine a world where it's fun or emotionally fulfilling doesn't mean it isn't for other people. There are as many fucked up open relationships with power imbalances and feelings getting hurt as there are supposedly monogamous ones where the exact same happens. Some of them work great, just like monogamous ones.

Completely tone deaf comment. OP's point was precisely that it ISN'T just about "both people in a relationship", but about those on the outside of the relationship the couple needs to cannibalize in order to make it an ooen relationship in the first place

How bloody exhausting. One relationship is hard work.

I try to live and let live but from what I can see, there’s almost always one partner who is more into it than the other, and very often one who feels they’ve had to agree to keep their partner.

I've never met a couple where it worked, unless in one case each were gay and married to keep their parents sweet. They are in their early 60s and married almost 40 years.

Usually it's the bloke who wants to shag around...hence loads of women recently speaking to the BBC about being forced into swinging. Every couple I've met in an open relationship has ended up divorced.

Well, I do agree open relationships are a load of shite and can never work and no way do you love each other, but I don't know any couples who do this. (Not to my knowledge anyway.) Bit odd that 'everyone around you' does it.

I expect at least one of the participants will have extremely low self esteem

This. ^ I couldn't be fucked with another man to be honest. One is enough. But as has been said, it's often the man driving these 'open relationships' and 'swinging...' Doesn't much care for it though, when his wife/girlfriend starts to enjoy it, and finds a man who's a better shag than him. 😆

I have genuinely never been friends with anyone in an open relationship- in fact I don’t think I know anyone who is.

Don't see the point either, if you want to sleep with multiple people do that. Why bother faking a relationship with one or stick to other like minded couples (isn't this what swinging is?).

This is how the Aberdeen polycule gained traction 😂 Should be enough to put anyone off.

They are not bs, they are perverts, that is all. This is not new, perverts have always existed among normal people, but it is only now that all sorts of perversions are being normalised.

but 42% of marriages end in divorce regardless of the openness of it. I know 2 couples who are polyamorous and have been together for around 15-18 years so far.

I didn’t get that from the OP and i didn’t see her second post before i made my reply. I was basing my comment on the idea that the marriage being open was shit. It’s a fair point that the other person also needs to be aware and consensual of the situation, I didn’t mean to imply otherwise.

It’s not for me, but i don’t have a problem with anyone else doing it if it works for them. I know plenty of people in dysfunctional monogamous relationships too.

In terms of being single and people in open relationships approaching you- as long as they’re upfront, what’s the problem? You just say “I’m not into that thanks” and move on, same as if someone perusing you revealed eg they didn’t want kids when you do (or whatever). You don’t have to be in a relationship to be non-monogamous, lots of single people are too, so just because it’s not your cup of tea I think it’s fine for people in open relationships to pursue single people.

YABMASSIVELYU