To say open relationships are bullshit

I’ve known a fair few open relationships because of the community I used to live in. There were exceptions where everyone was happy, but I have to say they really were exceptions. It was mostly a cake-eating exercise by the men and the women were often gritting their teeth in the name of being a ‘free spirit’.

Of the few people I have known who have had "open relationships" and/or are into polyamory, my experience has generally been that one of the two is unhappy with the arrangement, but puts up with it to be with the person they love. Of course, there are exceptions, usually with younger people.

I think if both people are both equally wanting this from the start it can work (I know a few it works for)

but rarely is it equal one is going along to keep the other happy

many people get bored with sex with one person it’s not unusual or wrong and it’s not about love but they have to know this about themselves and be honest

it's just a free pass/new words to sleep around - no wonder the numbers of STDs is on the rise!

Far too complicated and confusing - just get a cat and a bottle of wine!😃

My grandparents had an open relationship back in 1940. My dad talks about it from time to time. He was one of 5 children and think one brother didn’t belong biologically to his dad but was never treated differently and his dad certainly claimed him as his own. They were married for over 60 years and adored one another. It worked for them. My dad also had a wonderful childhood in a very happy home.

i cannot take credit for that, it was sheldon cooper in the big bang theory

Dance with no pants? 🤣 brill!

This! Live and let live. I’m absolutely sure it does work for some people. ENM and polyamory is about open and honest communication, not lying by omission.
I tried it and learned I don’t like sharing, but I would never judge anyone or assume they’re unhappy because they’re in that kind of relationship.

Up to others - many unhappy relationships are monogamous.

I quickly shut down being approached by someone in one, but better then lying/cheating in a “monogamous” relationship.

I don’t view it as much different to “dating” (non exclusive) or serial monogamy really, changing partners every few months, what’s the difference?

yes they may not be upfront but then you dont begin a relationship or potential one by saying how much dance with no pants do you prefer either so in some ways its a ticky situation all round

Me too. Id be for too jeslous, I couldnt bear it.

I always think the couple is just exploiting the person that is single; the couple has the emotional comforts of their relationship, and let’s face its usually women being invited in rather than another man . It’s also centred on sex and in a 1:1 relationship sex is just one element , what about loving and deeply caring for another human being

It depends on the relationship. My best friend and I just don't bother defining our relationship. We're not in love, we're not dating, we are very tactile and we do have sex. Neither minds if the other goes off and has sex with someone else. It's the easiest, least stressful relationship I've ever had. He never pressures me into sex, never criticises my appearance. If you suggested we started dating, we'd be horrified.

I'd love to see some proper research on it. I've only heard of it working well with gay friends. An acquaintance was in a hetero 4-way thing with another couple. All in their 30s, both couples have 2 kids. They had grand plans to all live together. 6 months later, one couple is getting divorced.

Swinging is a popular thing here in Germany, I can rather see that working that the dating part.

My husband and I agreed some years ago that while we loved each other and are good friends we had different sexual requirements. It works for me, and yes, I am more sexually demanding than he is
So far I believe both of us remain content.

No worries. Maybe you should step away for a bit. Go for a nice walk or something.

That's not how I read it but thanks anyway.

Ah. I think that was because of the swearing and level of anger you're expressing. Over things which don't need to concern you.

Unsuitable for interactions with you that's for sure.

Yes. Being told that I'm unsuitable for human interactions because I've expressed the view that I believe that men and women are different.

I know quite a few open-relationship types, poly, with nesting partners etc into kink, LGBT, they all seem to think it works etc but from where I’m standing and what I’m listening to 🤯😵‍💫 All of them are neurodivergent so yeah to be fair a lot of thinking outside the box and rules for them to follow so I think it suits them in theory. But the drama that follows them …

Personally, I’m sick of getting approached by couples or solo-poly on dating sites. I specifically say on my profile not interested.

@QuintadosMalvados

Can you say specifically what has you this upset?

I'd rather someone asked to be in an open relationship than went shagging people/pursuing people behind their partners back.

It's lying that bothers me. And deceit by omission

But that applies to people they are pursuing as their "bits on the side" too. They should be honest with everyone about their intentions.

Perfectly aligned with someone unsuitable for human interactions