To say open relationships are bullshit

@QuintadosMalvados

Question.

A woman with 2 male partners in a polyamorous relationship takes a test that tells her definitively whether she really loves them or not. The test comes out that she does really love them, does that mean she was born in the wrong body and should transition to her true male identity?

What people? All people? Can you answer these scenarios individually so we can see your theory of how someone always gets hurt?

I find the desire to be liked by everyone has caused women a lot of issues.
So as misogynistic as I allegedly am, I think I will pass on that.

The OP says she sees it all the time, so it must be true. And she must know a hell of a lot more non-monogamous people than most folk - including The Community™ - do, if she's seeing them all the time

I think being able to have basic respect for women's autonomy and intelligence is a desirable character trait. Especially when you're female yourself.

There's been a recent thread (within the last 6 months) where the husband was keen to try an open marriage and his wife wasn't so sure. But they gave it a go, and the woman got a LOT more action than the man, he was quite miffed about it (that wasn't supposed to happen, was it ....... ) and requested they go back to normal. However for the woman, the genie was out of the bottle.

I think they were both doctors. I can't remember how it all panned out, but it certainly didn't help their marriage!

Of course not.
I would, however, think that she was a highly, highly unusual woman and that she was the exception to a very usual rule.

Disagreeing with somebody is not denying their autonomy nor failing to give them respect. It's just disagreeing with them.
I'm not telling her she can't feel or do what she does, I just disagree with her claim that she loves them both.

Most of the open relationships I've known have been healthy and non-dramatic, including all 5 that I know about in my social circle (where I know the people involved well). I've known of a couple in the past that didn't work out well at all, and I know several people who experimented with polyamory and open relationships when they were younger (not married) and ultimately decided it wasn't for them.

I've read about tons of open relationship shitshows on the internet but then that's the internet for you.

I also don't think I know about every open relationship in my social circle. One of the 5 I mentioned I was very surprised to discover!

I should add that I also know very few dysfunctional monogamous relationships as well.

As an adult I've specifically built a social circle that doesn't contain selfish twats. Anyone who seems like they might be a selfish twat, I don't get close to. As a result I like all my friends, I think they're terrific people who treat others well, and as such they have healthy and functional relationships (monogamous or otherwise).

I think this idea that the sexes follow rules is one step away from "so if you don't follow said rule, you are likely the opposite sex". That works for things like sperm production, not at all for thoughts and feelings and desires.

Yes if I say I feel X and you "disagree", that's you dismissing my autonomy and intelligence.

Well I don't.

I do. If you believe that men and women are incapable of even some of the thoughts, feelings and desires of the opposite sex, then you'd also believe that someone who truly doesn't align with the feelings and desires of their sex must have the wrong anatomy and "inside", they are the opposite sex.

Or you must believe that men or women who don't align with your beliefs on how each sex thinks and feels are really messed up.

Either way, it shows you in a poor light.

OK. Whatever.
Intelligence and autonomy dismissed I guess if that's the way you look at it.

Though of course I'm not actually stopping you feeling and doing you want but there you go. Just expressing my opinion on it.

I'm not sure a person who gets as emotional and picky about this very minor distinction as you are is cut out for the cut and thrust (no pun intended) of open relationships, anyway.

No of course not, but I'd know that you dont think I am genuine and/or intelligent because I love 2 men.

I'm not in an open relationship. I'm just not a misogynist either. I don't think someone who believes women all think one way and men all think another is suitable for human interactions at all. Let alone a romantic relationship

Not messed up necessarily but not typical of the general behaviour of their sex.

I don't care if this shows me in a poor light. Really water off a duck's back.

Why do you think I care what others think of me?
Maybe you care. In which case, forget this open relationship lark, you are too sensitive for it.

I don't give a fuck what you think.

Maybe your ideas about sex based stereotypes are outdated and problematic.

Perfectly aligned with someone unsuitable for human interactions

I'd rather someone asked to be in an open relationship than went shagging people/pursuing people behind their partners back.

It's lying that bothers me. And deceit by omission

But that applies to people they are pursuing as their "bits on the side" too. They should be honest with everyone about their intentions.

@QuintadosMalvados

Can you say specifically what has you this upset?

I know quite a few open-relationship types, poly, with nesting partners etc into kink, LGBT, they all seem to think it works etc but from where I’m standing and what I’m listening to 🤯😵‍💫 All of them are neurodivergent so yeah to be fair a lot of thinking outside the box and rules for them to follow so I think it suits them in theory. But the drama that follows them …

Personally, I’m sick of getting approached by couples or solo-poly on dating sites. I specifically say on my profile not interested.

Yes. Being told that I'm unsuitable for human interactions because I've expressed the view that I believe that men and women are different.