To not want to give my DSD the money we would have spent on her holiday

Really?

she can’t ask for time off from her holiday from her part time supermarket/shop job a year from now 🤦‍♀️ what is wrong with the people on this thread

Do you work? A request for a 3 week holiday from a new and junior employee isn't likely to be looked at favourably.

The step parent should stay out of it even though it was her that organised the trip and paid for it with her money? OP has said she is the family breadwinner. You do realise without step parent there wouldn't be a trip? Now she has to cope with awful, abusive behaviour from her SD's mother that has probably been going on for years. I didn't hear a gleefully tone in this thread, I heard someone who has been worn down by years of this abusive nonsense and every action getting twisted to make them appear like the bad guys.

I get the impression the real Disney fan is OP, she has organised this trip with her own money, invited everyone along fairly and now is getting nothing but grief and agro.

All the discussion about uni expenses and trips between Dad and Daughter are irrelevant to OP who is just trying to deal with the hurt of yet another nice gesture being sabotaged by SD's Mum and the constant undermining of her and DH's parenting decisions.

I'd be interested to know how SD feels about the whole charade now she is 18. Is she OK with her Mum being so abusive? or is her number one priority getting money by any means possible.

You can’t take tone from written word in the way you want to…not on a public forum like this. OPs responses are made at varying times of the day and to posters who have at times been rude…so tone will change with that context.

There is no way you can judge this family based on the OP being so annoyed with DSD’s DM that it lead to a thread being started…the thread itself started because of frustration so lots of earlier posts will be written with that still in her mind. Subsequent posts are responses to people who are judging her without reason which again can sway tone.

Look at the words OP has said, nothing about disliking DSD, nothing about not supporting her, she actually said something in a really loving and proud manner when saying ‘she’s a good little worker’ which shows she cares.

We have work ethics, apparently.

This is because of the frenzy whipped up by other posters though. Nothing that OP has actually said paints a picture of a DSD that is not treated like family. People have their own hang ups and have projected it onto this thread.

lol…people are entitled to holidays. They’re part of your contract 🤣😂

Do you work? A request for a 3 week holiday from a new and junior employee isn't likely to be looked at favourably.

Holidays have to be agreed with employers and fit in with work requirements. "Entitled to holidays" doesn't mean automatically 3 weeks off at the time that suits the employee.

In a years time?

I doubt they'd have any fucks to give.

Nothing? Not even “ CM stops next month!!!” or “Uni isnt included as full time education for CMS purposes!!!”?

Asking now for in a years time? Unless it was her wedding or similar very exceptional circumstances I doubt they'd even consider it. She's likely to be told to request it when the holiday year starts.

Correct. 🤷‍♀️

So you agree that an employee can ask their employer for holidays?

Dear god, do you work?
in real life in most places its 2 weeks + 2 weeks split

Correct. 🤷‍♀️

So you agree that an employee can ask their employer for holidays?

YABU

will you say the same to your own children at 18 - come with us or nothing? Get a job if you want a holiday?
I probably wouldn’t have offered the exact equivalent amount (and yes, I would think you were loaded too if you spent £20k on a holiday) but I would certainly given the cost of the flights.
shes 18, not 28

Eh? Not sure what your point is. (or why you think constantly posting emojis help make it)

In theory a very junior new employee can ask for 3 weeks off for no particularly special reason in the next calendar year. She's likely to be told No. Or told to ask when the next calendar year starts.

I mean in theory I could ask my bank to lend me £10 million pounds but they're not going to.

I have holidays booked at work for 2 years from now…

Are you just taking the piss now?

Really?

she can’t ask for time off from her holiday from her part time supermarket/shop job a year from now 🤦‍♀️ what is wrong with the people on this thread

YABU

will you say the same to your own children at 18 - come with us or nothing? Get a job if you want a holiday?
I probably wouldn’t have offered the exact equivalent amount (and yes, I would think you were loaded too if you spent £20k on a holiday) but I would certainly given the cost of the flights.
shes 18, not 28

You are (I assume) a grown up in a career.

The step kid is a teenager doing ..not sure it's been said but part time hours, more likely a casual/zero hours contract, lower wage, lower skilled, and with minimum employment history in a world that seems to have very few opportunities for teenagers to earn. A considerable difference.

And yes, if it's part-time/zero or casual hours, they might not care if she is there, but maybe she wants to be there/be responsible/takes it seriously.

Yeah my DS took a month off from McDonald's to travel to SEasia.