AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

Its hard being a young adult finding your way in the world

But why is it (apparently) so much harder for young adults (or rather their parents) these days than it was in the past?

I didn't like to do them when my eldest was 17 as I had a 5 year old in bed.

Bit presumptuous of you suggesting it's just because people are drinking

Worrying about a near 18 year old visiting a cinema in the evening, in one of the safest countries in the planet, is absolutely ridiculous. Anyone with any common sense can appreciate that.

It's natural to worry, OP, but yes she'll be fine. She's 17 and very much needs to spread her wings now. It is very kind of you to collect her, I would do the same for my children.

I'm an 'old' gen-z (born 1998) and even when I was 17 it was unthinkable for a 17 year old to not be 'let' out late - understandable if a parent didn't want to collect late at night and if that meant the person couldn't go (we lived rurally so no night buses and taxis were v unreliable outside of the bigger towns). When I was 15/16 it was very normal for me and a friend to take the last train (11.30pm) home from the closest city to our closest town with a station after seeing a play or going to a gig and then a parent or kind older cousin would collect us and drop us home.

I assumed you were about to say she would have to catch a rare late night country bus. But you are collecting her. What’s the issue? Just get to the cinema before it closes so she isn’t hanging round if that is what is worrying you.How is her friend getting home btw?

Midnight isn't late for a 17-year-old to be out with a friend. I was 17 when I started university and believe me, I was often out much later than that. Your DD isn't a young child. She'll be a legal adult in less than a year. Let go and let her enjoy herself.

There's worrying and there's being ridiculous. What exactly is going to happen inside a cinema to a 17 year old whose mum is waiting outside to pick her up? Nothing different to if it was a 6:30pm viewing. The time is irrelevant here as she's being picked up by her mum! I'd actually understand if she was worrying about her daughter getting an Uber home on her own at that time of night as that's a normal thing to worry about (not enough to consider stopping her going, but the worry itself would be considered normal). She's going to be waiting outside for her daughter though, so it really doesn't matter what time of day it is. I'm genuinely curious what on Earth there is to worry about?

And anyone with common sense worries about their kids.

Because normal people worry about their kids.

God! My 17yo is often out until 2am, no one picks him up. He either walks with friends or gets an Uber.
He'll be off to uni in 8 weeks and I will have no idea what he is up to so he needs to learn now how to look after himself.
They have been going to the cinema in the evening since they were 15!

Within reason, yes. But OP intended to take it a lot further than that:

“I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...”

OP, she’s 17! In a year she could be living away at uni doing whatever she wants! I was out clubbing from the age of 16! It’s your duty as a parent to put your anxiety aside to let your child build some responsibility and resilience in the world! Let her enjoy the film!

My issue is having to work early the next morning, a late night drive tends to get me buzzing rather than winding down.

It doesn't sound great for you though, if you need a few drinks to get you to sleep.

It’s only hard because parents like this are doing nothing in the child’s preteen and teen years to teach any sort of independence. It’s no harder than any other generation. If anything it’s easier as information is at the touch of a screen and everyone is contactable at all times. Parents have always worried and always will, that’s no excuse for not teaching your child the life skills to become an independent adult. 17 is literally the cusp of being an adult and this person has to have permission to go to the cinema!! It’s crazy!

If you don’t mind going to get her, then what’s the problem?

That’s the bit that would bother me if I was working the next day.

If you don’t like her being out late and that’s your reason for not wanted to let her, what will you do when she turns 18?! Will it suddenly be fine?

Yes I think you’re being extreme. I would be more annoyed at having to stay up though than I would be worried she’s going to be in a cinema, they’re not notorious for bad behaviour

Where on Earth have I said it's not normal to worry about your kids? But worrying about sending them to the cinema, when you're providing a lift home is an unhealthy level of worry.

People worry about their kids being out at night, of course they do, but the cinema is not 'out'. Her kid will literally just be sat watching a film. She does have to make her own way there or home afterwards. Prey tell me, what is there to worry about in these circumstances?

No she really shouldn't be worrying about this. It's a completely disproportionate worry and suggests a clinical level of anxiety not normal parental concerns.

It’s really hard to take you seriously when you write “parents like this have done nothing yadayadayada”

How do you know? You don’t.

Wtf 🤣

Normal people don't worry about extremely safe and normal things that their young adult children do. Spending your life in a state of constant worry isn't normal and it's not healthy.

I'd left home when I was 17, if that helps! She'll be fine.