To ask DH to continue to work

Cut your cloth accordingly, sounds like your Husband is burnt out already

It’s not unreasonable to not want the lifestyle he wants, OP, but nor can you expect him to keep living a life that makes him unhappy to continue to fund yours. Private school is not a necessity, your children will be fine in state education. You should both find a compromise on what the future looks like, and that may mean it not being your ideal.

So the lifestyle Needs to change.

The person who is finding it unsustainable is funding it so you need to come up with a lifestyle and home together that works and doesnt need one person to work their arse off in a job they hate to pay for it

I think we could compromise and buy a small cottage we could stay in during the weekends

This part is HILAIRE. You need to down size your lifestyle since the person most responsible for paying the piper has burned out, not up size it.

Sorry OP I totally get your husband.
He is not the one to enjoy the galleries and London vibe in a job that allows you to do so, he is in a very stressful job working all the crazy hours and he wants to live, fair enough. The same as you, he wants to have some work life balance. It's very unreasonable to ask someone to continue to provide for a very expensive lifestyle that takes a huge toll.

i couldn’t be “happy and content with my life” if i knew my husband wasn’t

How old are your children? Could you downsize and remain in London, with you changing jobs to maximise your earning power, and your H still working but taking a step back into something less pressured until the children have left school?

In her first sentence.

Good idea!

Quite a short sentence, admittedly. Probably easy to miss. 😀

Does he want to move because he wants to downsize and have less stress or does he just want to move out of London?

If you want to remain in London and maintain this lifestyle I think you are going to have to make some compromise and work more. It’s not really fair to expect him to bear all this if your financial contribution is minimal.

If he just wants to move out of London I think he can probably wait until your kids finish school?

You're a bit young to retire. Husband was 56 but we did have serious investments which brought in a good return. Mostly commercial

You are talking about living off the capital from your 40s

No, this time, since the OP has just stated she does work.

So if you can’t go out and earn more how is it fair you expect your DH to keep going to fund your lifestyle when he wants to retire and a different lifestyle

Another woman who wants the lifestyle but can’t afford it herself, wants a man to pay for it and thinks he is unreasonable for wanting an easier life.

Who says MN is a feminist forum.

You mention that you have debts to clear, so it depends on what type of debt you have.

You could move the children to state schools, reduce your outgoings in that way and perhaps DH would be able to find a less stressful job that would ease the pressure, particularly if you found a job that pays better too OP.

If he’s set on living the lifestyle of a country squire though, that’s not going to happen where you are now.

Is there a compromise move to the outskirts of London?

If you are in your 40s and he is talking about selling the London house to fund early retirment the London house must be worth A LOT and the downsize planned must be drastic.

Say it is mortgage free, you have got to fund buying a new house out of that plus at least 20 years living expenses AND a pension for the remainder of your lives. You also mention paying off debts.

Be honest - is it enough?

If you own a prety high value house in London, there are plenty of ways to downsize pretty heavily and stay in London. But it will involve you adjusting your lifestyle expectations.

Then why do you feel entitled to a lifestyle you cannot afford?

erm, all of the other posters on this thread pointing out that her expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic....

Do you work full time?

Probably the many, many posters replying to her to tell she's being unreasonable.

I personally could not and would not move to the country to live like that; I would be miserable and hate it. And that would likely end our marriage if that's all my husband wanted to do.

You two sound like you have very different ideas about what you want the second half of your lives to look like. You need to talk.

At the same time, you can't expect him to burn out funding what you want in London. You may need to get a better job. You may need to downsize your home and move further out but on a train line. You may need to put your children in state schools if they're currently in private schools to free up some money for your husband to cut back on his working hours.

You need to talk to your husband about both your expectations going forward, not just yours.

That's not going to work when the DCs want to be meeting up with their friends and you're imposing a move to the weekend cottage on them either.

Your husband wants to live his life too and he wants time to spend with his family and for himself. He doesn’t get to enjoy the lifestyle you enjoy as he is too busy working to pay it all. You need to find a compromise, not a second property and more bills added to the man’s stress! Do you not think your kids would benefit from more time with their father rather than a private education?

I think there is a middle ground needed here, it’s not realistic to give up work in mid 40s and expect to get a job in a zoo or run a small farm. There’s a lot to learn, has he experience in this field? Also your kids are used to being city kids, I presume they are coming up to teens, he needs to think carefully before just plonking them in the middle of nowhere, it will be massive for them too. You would to be near a town
where there’s things for them to do. Or they will get bored. Though on the other hand your husband is telling u he is on burn out. You have to help protect his mental health. Can he talk to his boss in the first instance on how he’s feeling? Start there, is there a compromise in his job. Can u move to the country when dc have completed secondary education?