To ask DH to continue to work

Yeah, we're all very happy swanning around enjoying the good life. What was that DH. You want to change things. Well tough shit you can't. Men are so selfish

OP clearly a change of some kind is needed. You both need to agree to that. It's a question of what kind of change.

Your priority is staying in London. I'm not sure what his is. Is the country life dream just because he wants to escape his job? If so, then surely the best thing to do is for him to change jobs and for you to stay in London but change your lifestyle (either move or change the DC's schools to public or both) to accommodate that. This is what I would be suggesting.

Unless he has ever lived in the country, does he really have a clear idea of what he is suggesting? Will he be bored after 6 months? It will also be hard on your kids. Moving out of London to a large town or city where he can find a less stressful job is also an option. Is a sabbatical an option for him?

I would sit down, go through the finances to see what options you have and work together to come up with a plan that you can both be happy with.

Her first post wasn’t very clear and can be taken either. And my reply you’re quoting is before she clarified. Perhaps I’m not the only one who needs a comprehension test or perhaps we should just both be more polite.

He didn't say he hated his job, just that he doesn't like it and wants to spend his time roaming the countryside.

Hating your job and not liking your job are very different things.

OP didn't say tough, she just doesn't want to move to the countryside and roam about.

I don't think either of them are wrong for wanting different things, I just don't think earning more means you get to decide.

They'll either have to find a compromise, one agrees to do something they don't like or go their separate ways.

Where is the OP? Has she sloped off to one of those galleries?

Op, you can't expect the level of lifestyle will sustain if you can't support it by yourself. It is not sustainable period. I also love London and 'swanning' art galleries but I work my butt off to be able to afford it. I retrained, moved jobs, set up my own company to be able to do that. If your lifestyle is only achievable by your DH, who wants to make change happen for his own happiness, you can't make him stop for reasons you outlined here.

Invest in the life you can afford to make everyone happy.

Possibly didn't like the direction this was taking!

And the three hour walks at 5am every Saturday and Sunday? We can split hairs about the difference between not liking and hating, but taking all his behaviour into account I think it would be self serving and remiss of the OP to try and minimise this as a vague preference not to go to work. And unfortunately whether you think it's right or not, the person who earns the money to pay for the lifestyle will always have the power to decide whether it continues or not. The lower earner can't drag them to the office each day, and so if they decide to quit, they remove the lifestyle and the lower earner is powerless. The only power the OP has here (unless she is able to successfully use coercion or manipulation) is to refuse to move to the country. But then she'd have to find a way to maintain her lifestyle, which on her earnings isn't possible.

Well we can only take OPs at face value. I doesn't sound like her DH has said it's because he's on the verge of a breakdown or hates his job.

In either case, I certainly don't think I could just down tools and make massive changes to my whole family's lives without discussing it with DH.

We're a team and I don't use my higher earnings to get vetos for any decisions, let alone massive, life-changing ones.

Rent your house for a year and try the new lifestyle.
I’d say his health sounds at risk with the pressure he’s under.

Has @WittyPanda come back? Or is she flat out swanning around galleries?

And pressing her DH's nose to the grindstone

D.I.V.O.R.C.E. !!!!

I get it. I’m the higher earner too and do not let that dictate what we do in our life. However if one day I felt I could not do it anymore I would hope my partner would want to support me in that rather than taking the ‘but we depend on your income to have the life I enjoy’ line. I’d want to feel my well being was more important than a lifestyle. If it were the other way around I’m not sure I would be able to continue to love that lifestyle knowing the price my partner was paying to achieve it.

I do agree. If it was pushing me over the edge, my DH would definitely support me to find a way forwards.

If I just couldn't be arsed to work and wanted to swan about the countryside, I'd expect him to have a different opinion.

Hopefully OP is having a discussion with him to find out what is really going on.