To ask DH to continue to work

What's your compromise position OP?

Would you be happy with downsizing to somewhere else in London, taking the children out of private schools and DH getting a less pressured job (and maybe an allotment)?

Are you prepared to work more/change jobs and take on more of the financial burden?

You can't just expect DH to keep working at a job he hates and burn out, just because you like the lifestyle.

Well, he won't be pottering around if he buys a farm, even a small one, and you most certainly wouldn't be happy with that extreme change of lifestyle. Sounds like he's having a burnout crisis. It's one thing wanting to release capital but quite another wanting to become Tom and Barbara Goode. Has he any experience of working with the land or animals? On the other hand, if his health and happiness fail your life will be miserable anyway. Surely there's some kind of middle ground?

YANBU to want to stay in That London @WittyPanda and your lifestyle sounds wonderful, (as does where you live.) But if your DH is funding it all, I'm sorry but I am team husband! All you can do is beg him to stay, for another 5 years maybe...? (Instead of 10.) Find a compromise. How old are your children?

You do know there are good schools outside of London @WittyPanda

If the DC are nearly at secondary school age, you need to go back to work full time and kick-start your own career.

What would happen if DH had a nervous breakdown and was off sick with no income for a year?
What would happen if he just gave up his job tomorrow and refused to get another?
What would happen if he said he had put the house on the market and put in an offer on a place in the country?
What if he said you had to move with him or it was divorce?

You are very exposed. Getting yourself a proper income will give you protection, be a good role-model for your DC, and hopefully give you a new interest in life in this next chapter, however it turns out.
Because it does seem like a page is going to turn soon and you and DH will be in a new chapter. Nothing stays the same forever.

He sounds terribly unhappy op but there has to be a middle ground surely?

Mark Twain does NOT approve of this post.

You may have no choice but to change your lifestyle it your DH becomes very burnt out. It seems to make sense to start making some sensible decisions.

If you want the expensive lifestyle you will need to find a way to earn it yourself

Are you prepared to work more/change jobs and take on more of the financial burden?
You can't just expect DH to keep working at a job he hates and burn out, just because you like the lifestyle.

This. Lots of people would like your lifestyle but they can't afford it. If you can't earn the money for it you can't either.

He's struggling OP. Up at 5am both weekend days for 3 hours of aimless walking? Hating his life? Struggling at work and a desire to run away to the country? A big loud alarm bell should be ringing there. You need to get him to talk (him, not you talking about what you want) because it's possible something is going to break soon.

I bet he’s got a high stress job. There’s got to be a compromise somewhere. A green town or a commute to a city with lots going on

Listen to what he is telling you, he sounds month away from a breakdown. Selling up to run a zoo or small holding is not realistic but he sounds like his life does need a shift in gear.

As people have said plently of people live a cheaper life in London. Work out what income you do need to cover the essentials (NB private schooling and a guest annex are not essentials) and work out if he can take a career break or drop back to something less stressful.

You can't afford the lifestyle you want. You shouldn't expect somebody else to fund your lifestyle, especially if it's making them unhappy.

If you want to stay in London would it be possible to downsize and use the state education system to remove the pressure off your DH.

Yep this!!

You keep pottering around to your art galleries and museums whilst your husband is working himself straight to a breakdown funding your lifestyle.

It's evident here that job / home satisfaction only matters to you, and about you.

Get off your arse.

So his working funds your lavish lifestyle, he's expressed a want to do a reset, involving probably reducing his stress level, but you want him to continue 🤔 because your lifestyle.

Sounds like you need a career change to start earning more so you can continue the lavish lifestyle. If that's impossible, then you need to accept that you can't make someone else work to fund your requirements from a lifestyle when they don't enjoy their own working life.

Are your children in school in London? If so I think you can argue that you should not move until they finished school. I don't think children should be moved unless absolutely necessary.

After that stage I think you have a problem as you can't compel someone you love to an exhausting miserable existence can you?

That would be my compromise- stay until children leave school and then move. Although if they are very little that might not work.

Totally. Why should DH have to feel that deeply unhappy for another decade? None of us are guaranteed a long life. It sounds like he's done his bit to provide for the family

She meant she doesn't want to retire and leave London. I guess she changed the title!

Well then, you need to live a lifestyle that reflects what you can earn, or accept he calls the shots.

Your DH needs don't sound unreasonable given he is fed up of his job or burnt out or needs a change.
Why not support him and move to the countryside on the edge of London? There's amazing secondary schools in the outskirts, they're not all in London, and you can still get to central London in 20-30 mins on the fast trains.

Completely agree with this.

Your priorities are way off OP. You want to be seen as a rich family living in London with kids in private schools. Without a single thought or consideration to your poor husband or children. It's all about image, isn't it.

Newsflash - no one cares nearly as much as you do.

It seems like he can’t sustain it either, so you need a plan. If not the countryside (and I understand your reasons for that), then what? Can you downsize or move within London?