To ask DH to continue to work

It doesn't seem very sensible for him to retire in his mid 40s if you've got multiple kids to fund through secondary, university, weddings and house deposits. I think it's tempting to look at a big number off the back of a London house sale and think you're set for life but don't forget, you've gotten used to a particular quality of life and I'm not sure paring back in your 40s will be as much fun as your DH thinks. I think your idea of a bolt hole is a very good one and using that to perhaps reframe life a little, whether that meant DH could reduce his in person comments or reduce his days?

Don’t move out of London. You will not find the same outside of London despite what everybody might say. If you need to get a job to maintain your lifestyle then do that.

Here first words are I don’t!

I don't think we can decree working lifestyles for our partners. They and their feelings matter, as well as their incomes, and what you happen to want. That works both ways , though. You both need to talk properly and maybe find a compromise.

Been told a few times now thank you. I get it.

I think the OP just wrote that post very badly as she later says she does work.

I think the post should read, ‘AIBU to not want to move out of London’

I think the ‘I don’t’ means she doesn’t want to move.

YABU

He has obviously worked very hard and now he wants some time to enjoy his life, instead of just working.

You’re being so selfish.
If it wasn’t for him you wouldn’t have such an amazing lifestyle and you should feel lucky that you’ve had it your way for as long as you have.

There’s nothing stopping you from visiting the area.
You can also spend more time visiting your friends from all around the world.

However, the grass isn’t always greener and it may be that DH thinks he wants that lifestyle, but actually doesn’t.

I do think the idea of a temporary second home in the country is a good idea in theory but actually I think he’d crave this lifestyle more as he’d be going there to relax but still have the London lifestyle.

I would definitely try and compromise and move to a rural area within travelling distance to London and then its win-win.

His plans sound incredibly impractical. Small farms are money pits, so are old country houses. How does he propose to fund all that plus school fees plus ordinary living expenses?

Wow what a dilemma to have. Move your fabulous London lifestyle to an equally fabulous countryside abode. Are we supposed to feel sorry for your dilemma?

It's not his sole responsibility!

If he is earning loads and you still have debts then you are in trouble. He is trying to tell you something that you don’t want to hear but you cannot afford your current lifestyle.

If my partner didn’t want to work in his industry anymore and wanted to take a job with less responsibility and a cut in wages I’d support him. If that meant we moved area I’d support that too.

Only read OP's posts.

This bit stuck out..."DH is just fed up of life."

You can't just disagree with this, OP. You need to work with him to find a solution.

OP this is 2024. You want to live a privileged life off the back of another person's earnings and at the risk of their health. Can you hear yourself?

Yes, you should go for the move, OP, us yokels delight in rich Londerners retiring down here in their 40s, taking over a run down smallholding or two, letting us all know what a great lifestyle they've left behind so they can send their kids to the local private school while they tell us all what we're doing wrong. Come on down!

Ultimately OP, you don't have a choice. Your DH has made it very clear he wants a lifestyle change and given that he funds your current lifestyle entirely, you either go along with it willingly or you will have to.

If he has a heart attack, from the stress, or a mental breakdown from being unhappy at work, or seeks an affair because his current partner doesn't support him in his life wishes, change is coming OP.

Just make sure you're in control of it, would be my advice. You can't stop change, but you can guide it.

Lovely. I do love a "see how wealthy I am" post.

Marvellous.

Oh, YANBU.

Sounds as if a change is needed, but the two of you need to dig down into what you both want, need, and how you can attain that. The proposition from your DH does sound a bit unrealistic fantasy-life, but if he is miserable then your current set-up isn’t sustainable either.

I wondered at that.

Kids in private school but debts to pay off?

Also the people who come to stay in the annexe-why would moving mean that those connections would be missed?

You can't make him just carry on flogging himself to death in a job he hates.

The status quo will have to change as it is not sustainable for the person funding it (unless you can step up and replace some of his earnings which you have said you can't)

Is there a compromise option where he can take a sabbatical or some time out? I guess going part time is probably not possible in this kind of job.

If you do nothing he will burn out, quit and be out of work for ages and that really will change your lifestyle. Happened to some friends of mine. He was deeply depressed and hasn't worked at all for more than 2 years previously earning Mega bucks. They have run out of all their savings and had to downsize and pull the kids out of private school. Now they are getting divorced.

Rather than downsizing to stay in London, could you airb&b your annex? (You’d have to take on the organising/cleaning/booking etc) would that let him reduce his hours as a compromise? But promise to reconsider a move if he still wants to quit in a year or two?
if he’s financing your lifestyle, you have to at least compromise or go with his wishes when he’s had enough.

suppose the other option is divorce & you can both live wherever you can afford to, if that isn’t something you’d want, then find a compromise with him. Simply declaring that he can’t give up work will lead to resentment.

@WittyPanda

you need to get a job that pays more OP @WittyPanda

No one is this selfish. What sort of person would see their DH work themselves to death, despite already providing the means to what sounds like a wonderful future, just to fulfill their own needs, ones they couldn't meet themselve, whilst not give a shit about his? I'd seriously be reconsidering my relationship.