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Becoming a mother is a wonderful, life-changing experience, but it can also be overwhelming. The period following childbirth can be a time when your body doesn’t feel like your own as you navigate what your baby likes and needs for sleeping and feeding.
Understandably, most - if not all - mothers feel anxious about returning to penetrative sex after childbirth, and while medical advice suggests waiting six weeks, the reality is that it can take longer than that for the majority. However, this doesn’t mean they need to, or should, ignore their own sexual needs.
In fact, according to a recent Mumsnet survey, 75% of new mothers worry about reconnecting with their sexuality after giving birth, and 80% can’t find relevant information on the topic.
Recognising this, Mumsnet and Smile Makers collaborated to launch The Whisperer - the first lipstick vibrator designed specifically for new mothers. Its aim is to help new mothers reconnect with their bodies and sexuality after the experience of childbirth.
Designed with mums, for mums
Price: £34.95 | The Whisperer, buy now from smilemakerscollection.com
During the initial design phase, Smile Makers consulted with Mumsnet users about body image and sexuality post-birth to shape The Whisperer's design. Out of this focus group, most Mumsnetters had experienced conflict between pride for their new bodies and negative feelings about their appearance, impacting their confidence as new mothers. Some embraced their new bodies, while others disliked their appearance and felt embarrassed, leading to a sense of identity loss and feeling "touched out."
This sentiment was further reinforced during a survey run last year by Mumsnet and Smile Makers, which revealed that while 84% of new mothers are proud of what their bodies have done, more than 60% struggle with body image. Other main factors holding back mothers from resuming and enjoying their sex lives are: feeling self-conscious and reluctant to re-start sexual activity, a lack of time and tiredness and the experience of scar tissue causing general nervousness about internal penetration. The survey also showed that 75% of mothers worry about reconnecting with their sexuality after giving birth, but 80% were unable to find relevant information about doing so.
Based on the knowledge that new mothers can feel anxious about penetrative sex and that external stimulation is most efficient to reach orgasm, Smile Makers and Mumsnet designed The Whisperer to help them reconnect with pleasure when ready to do so and to do away with the belief that sex should be centered around penetration.
Crowdsourcing both the name and colour by the Smile Makers and Mumsnet communities, The Whisperer is an item specifically designed for new mothers to enjoy, allowing them to prioritise their own sexual pleasure and reconnect with their bodies.
For example, scar tissue and heightened sensitivity following childbirth can negatively impact sensations and pleasure. To cater for this, The Whisperer's patented design is made with super soft and flexible silicone, which creates a gentle touch on the clitoris. Its curved tip follows the anatomy of the clitoral glans, which is highly innervated, to deliver satisfying stimulation.
What Mumsnet testers say
To put it to the test, we had 20 Mumsnetters try out The Whisperer for themselves. 85% of them were satisfied with it, and 79% of them would recommend it to others to try.
One Mumsnet tester said, “The sensations were gentle, so much so that at the start I struggled to find the right spot, but when I did, it was definitely obvious! Definitely a nice way to build up these sensations again following a difficult childbirth.” Another appreciated the different options and intensities, saying, “they were strong and stimulating without being overpoweringly uncomfortable.”
“I thought that the soft feel of it was good. Much more pleasant than some other sex toys I’ve used, which are a lot harder.”
Keeping in mind that new mothers may have scar tissue on their vulvas following childbirth, The Whisperer is designed to be soft, and flexible, which one Mumsnet tester appreciated: "It’s been a very long time since I’ve used any toys and when I did previously they were fat, clunky, hard and noisy and required loads of batteries and weren’t waterproof. This is sleek, perfectly contoured and lightweight and discreet. It feels natural and not like a hunk of plastic and feels gentle and not intimidating."
During the research phase of this project, Mumsnet users shared that rekindling intimacy after childbirth can feel daunting and is made complicated by lack of time and exhaustion. 8 out of 10 said that it's the connection and intimacy that they wanted even more than sex itself. It was thus important that this toy enabled partner play as well. One tester said, “it’s a simple small toy that’s easy to use and perfect for my partner to use on me too.” While another added, “toys are something we use often and he was happy to try it with me. He liked how easy it was to use.
Naturally, during a time when time is scarce as you navigate parenthood with a baby, introducing a vibrator like The Whisperer can help foster a conversation about pleasure and intimacy with your partner at a time when you wouldn’t necessarily prioritise it. As one tester shared: “it made us realise that whilst our lives are tiring and busy with two young children (including a seven month old), we need to make the time to reconnect with each other in all ways.”
Overall, The Whisperer is a great addition to any new mother’s sex life, whether solo or with a partner. It’s easy to use, small but powerful, rechargeable, and suitable for couples who are trying to get back to being intimate. As one Mumsnet tester said, “since child #3, our sex life was on the back burner, but testing The Whisperer enabled us to talk about it and be intimate.”
Exclusive offer for Mumsnetters
Spend £50 or above and get your hands on a free Erotic Kneads Slow massage oil and free delivery at Smile Makers. Simply use the code SMILEMAKERS when checking out. Offer valid on the Smile Makers website only.
The Whisperer is available to buy now on the Smile Makers website for £34.95.
About Smile Makers
Smile Makers is a taboo-breaking female pleasure brand. Their products include lubricants, sensual bundles, and most importantly, vibrators. The brand caters to individuals who want to empower themselves and embrace their sexuality in a healthy, positive way.
About the author
Rebecca Roberts is a writer, editor, and content marketing expert hailing from Leeds. Here at Mumsnet, she commissions, writes, and edits to bring parents content designed to make life easier. After birthing and breastfeeding two babies in two years, Rebecca knows first-hand how hard it can be to reignite intimacy. From condoms, to lubricants, to sex toys - she’s on a quest to find the best ones, with the help of Mumsnet user recommendations.
Beyond her role as an editor here at Mumsnet, Rebecca can be found balancing life as a working mum of two toddlers and when she’s not at her desk, you’ll likely find her at a local playgroup, in a nearby coffee shop, walking the dog, or hiding from her neighbour as she attempts to buy condoms during her weekly “Big Food Shop”.