How to talk to friends about sex toys

Talking about sex toys doesn't always make it into our chats with friends. Even though they're pretty common for personal pleasure or adding something extra to intimacy, they’re still a bit of a taboo.

But talking about sex toys with our friends can be really valuable. When we open up chats about sex and pleasure, we’re opening up conversations about sexual health and encouraging each other in our journeys towards a positive, fulfilling sex life.

It's not just about sharing tips or product recommendations (although knowing what the best vibrator is is pretty useful, too!). It's about empowering each other to embrace our needs and desires.

Our sex and relationship experts can back this up. "Oversharing with a person or a group of people who are willing to have those conversations can be a helpful way to reduce your anxiety and get validation about your experiences," says Dr Sheila Addison, a sex and relationships therapist.

She adds: “Even though it feels like sex is everywhere in our culture, it's surprisingly tough to find spaces where we can openly talk about our personal wants, our relationships, or how we feel about our bodies.

“That's why being able to chat freely, listen, and connect with your friends about things like sex toys can be so freeing and empowering.”

Why is talking to friends about sex toys so important?

Chatting about sex toys with friends can break down outdated stigmas, boost sexual wellness, and empower us all.

If we can talk about sex toys, we might feel more comfortable getting one for ourselves or bringing up the topic with a partner. Then, we can all make the most of their benefits, like improved blood flow, stress relief, and great orgasms.

Ultimately, talking with your friends about what makes you feel good is a powerful way to show that pleasure (especially female pleasure) doesn’t need to be a secret.

A woman's hands holding a pink vibrator on a table

Sharing the benefits of using sex toys can open up a wider conversation with friends

Tips for starting the conversation

Starting a conversation about your favourite wand vibrator or clit sucker with your friends might feel daunting, but it doesn’t have to be!

Here are some practical tips to ease into these discussions, making sure everyone feels comfortable and open to the chat.

1. Choose the right moment

Opt for a relaxed setting where you all feel at ease, like a cosy girls’ night in. Many people feel more comfortable opening up to an all-women group or when their partners aren’t around. It’s about finding a space where the conversation can flow naturally without anyone feeling pressured or out of place.

2. Ease into it

If you're not sure how your friends will react, you could start by discussing general health and wellness topics and gradually shift the discussion to sexual wellness.

Try kicking it off by mentioning a podcast you’ve listened to or an article you’ve read. This can naturally lead to a conversation about the benefits of sex toys as part of a healthy lifestyle.

I only got it because a friend of mine started a new relationship. He introduced her to toys and she kept going on about it so much I bought one. I'm so glad I did 🤣

Bedsheets4knickers

3. Share the benefits

Talk about your own positive experiences with your favourite bullet vibrator or wand, focusing on the benefits like enhanced self-awareness, stress relief, or a boost in body confidence. When friends hear about tangible benefits from someone they trust, they could be more open to exploring themselves.

4. Respect boundaries

It’s important to remember that not everyone may be comfortable with this topic. Pay attention to your friends’ reactions, and if you sense any discomfort, be ready to switch gears. Respecting personal boundaries can strengthen trust, and your friends might feel comfortable bringing up sex toys another time.

How to feel comfortable talking about sex toys

1. Start small

It's completely normal if you’re feeling hesitant to talk about sex toys, including with friends. If you're unsure about getting into these chats, just one trusted friend is a good starting place.

“If you are uncomfortable with this topic and are seeking advice, or have some concerns about your relationship, it would be advised to talk to one very close friend to start, then branch out,” suggests Dr Karen Stewart, a Clinical Psychologist specialising in sex therapy.

Not everyone will feel comfortable sharing their experiences with sex toys in a group setting. If that's you, it's okay. Dr. Stewart’s advice is to start small and see how it feels.

2. Framing is everything

Maybe you feel sex toys are just too personal to talk about, or you’re worried about being judged by your friends. Remember that sharing doesn’t mean reading out an orgasm diary. It’s about expressing your interest or talking about general benefits like stress relief and enhanced body confidence. Think of it like chatting about yoga or meditation — it’s just another aspect of personal wellbeing.

Curiosity about sex toys is both natural and healthy. If the topic comes up and you notice eyebrows raising, try saying:

"It's just another way to explore personal pleasure and wellness. Isn't it fascinating?"

This will frame the conversation around health and empowerment, which is hard to dispute!

To combat the embarrassment of them being found by parents/ someone else should anything happen to both of us we have a mutual friend who we have an agreement with, something happens to us she comes in and bins the box they are in. If something happens to her then we get rid of hers.

Yorkieboy

3. Shake off the awkwardness

If you’re worried about awkwardness, it’s totally normal. A bit of awkwardness can be part of any deep conversation.

Sometimes, a little humour can go a long way in making everyone feel more comfortable. If you feel up to it, try sharing a funny anecdote related to sex toys to get the conversation going. It doesn’t have to be something that happened to you — maybe a funny scene from a film or TV show could lend you an icebreaker.

Two female roommates talking in their comfy clothes, one on the floor and one on the bed

Awkwardness is normal - a little humour can help in making sure everyone’s comfortable

Why is it important to talk about sex toys with friends?

Opening up about sex toys with your circle can normalise sexual wellness as an essential part of our overall health. Sharing insights can inspire confidence, dismantle taboos, and even provide a few good laughs. You might even hear a new perspective or toy recommendation that could boost your sex life!

How can I introduce the topic of sex toys in a conversation?

Ease into it with a mix of humour and honesty. Maybe start by sharing a funny story related to sexual wellness. You can also mention an article or podcast on the topic that you found interesting.

Framing it as a personal journey of discovery makes the conversation relatable and less intimidating. It’s all about creating a safe, judgment-free space where curiosity is welcome.

What are the benefits of discussing sex toys openly?

Talking about sex toys openly paves the way for richer, more honest relationships — not just with others, but with ourselves. It encourages a culture of learning and acceptance, allowing us to embrace our desires and needs without shame.

Through these conversations, we can debunk myths, spread knowledge, and celebrate sexual empowerment. Ultimately, it cultivates a more sex-positive environment where everyone can thrive.

How can I overcome discomfort when talking about sex toys?

Start by acknowledging your feelings. Think about saying something like:

“It made me feel uncomfortable at first, but when I was researching, sex toys kept coming up as an amazing way to reduce stress.”

Then, think of it as chatting about any other part of your wellness routine. You might also find that a bit of humour can make you feel more at ease. Sharing a light, funny story, maybe from a film or TV show that had a hilarious take on sex toys, can help everyone relax.

About the experts

Dr Karen Stewart is a Clinical Psychologist specialising in sex therapy.
Dr Sheila Addison is a couples and family therapist.

About the author

With extensive experience in female-focused brands, Chloe’s work aims to make women's lives easier by curating game-changing products and essential hacks for busy people.

At Elvie, she writes about innovative breastfeeding and pelvic health products and reports on crucial conversations about postpartum support. With Bumble, Chloe helps shape the modern dating conversation through immersive dating guides and writing across the app.

Whether she’s demystifying tech innovations or championing love, Chloe’s writing is here to help.