The ideal sex duration differs from couple to couple, as does what ‘ideal sex’ actually is
Factors that influence the duration of sex
As explained, the average sexual intercourse time differs from person to person and there are a number of factors affecting sex duration, such as physical health, age, substance use, and more.
“The general health of a person - such as their fitness levels and whether they have any medical conditions - can impact everything from their energy levels to stamina during sex,” says Knight, citing examples like vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction. Age is also a factor to consider when debating normal sexual intercourse time, the expert notes. “As we get older, we experience changes to our energy and hormone levels which can impact how long sex lasts. Those who are younger - and have higher libido and stronger physical endurance - may last longer in bed,” she says.
Beyond the physical factors, what’s going on upstairs plays a big role in sexual satisfaction time, too. “Sex is as much a mental task as it is physical, and so factors like stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions can impact a person’s performance,” Knight tells us, adding that “this could include relationship concerns.”
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Speaking of which, “the emotional bond and strength/quality of communication between partners may make one or both parties feel more comfortable and relaxed, which could lead to longer-lasting, and more fulfilling, sex.”
Other factors that impact the duration of sex include substance use (as Knight notes “drugs and alcohol can actually have an impact on sexual performance, such as reduced sensitivity, stamina problems, or arousal difficulties”) as well as foreplay, which is often overlooked.
“Due to traditional definitions of sex, many people or couples rush to achieve ‘penis-in-vagina’ and to cross that finish line of male ejaculation, but that’s certainly not what sex is all about,” she says. “By extending foreplay and switching how you have sex, you can focus on mutual pleasure and make your sexual encounters last longer.”
Quality vs quantity in sex
We’ve all heard, and probably said countless times, that quality is better than quantity. And, when it comes to bedroom activities, Knight stresses this is key. “Despite what the media tells you, duration does not automatically lead to better and more satisfying sex,” she says. “There’s plenty of factors that can make sex better for both parties, factors that don’t have anything to do with duration!”
Rather than focussing solely on how long should sex last on average, Knight advises us to work on emotional connection, mutual pleasure, and communication. These, she says, are more likely to result in increased sexual satisfaction.
“If you and your partner share a strong emotional bond, you’ll probably feel more secure and connected to one another, which can lead to more feelings of trust and intimacy, leading to a more enjoyable and fulfilling experience,” the expert tells us, adding that “sex should be about shared pleasure, and the acts that provide that pleasure. Rather than focusing on crossing that finish line, turn your attention to satisfying one another’s desires.”
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On the topic of ‘crossing the finish line’, Knight adds that shouldn’t be the only goal. “Longer sex may sound good in theory, but it isn’t necessarily the best thing for our bodies, especially if one (or both) of you are in pain, or feel uncomfortable, or tired,” she says. “Sex that is shorter but more intense and focused on pleasure will be much more rewarding than a drawn out encounter that feels mechanical and passionless.”
Ultimately, if you’re concerned about how long your sex sessions last, communication with your partner is a must. “Although you may feel awkward bringing up something you want in the bedroom, I can guarantee that your partner would rather know what they can do to give you pleasure,” she says. “Prioritising open and honest communication about what feels good, along with what doesn’t, is a key part of a satisfying and healthy sex life.”