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To Have Never Orgasmed!

(115 Posts)
Lady08 Sat 20-Feb-21 09:57:23

How common is this?
I’ve been married for over 10 years and I’m in my 30’s and it’s never happened for me.
I couldn’t post on the sex forum because I need to be a member for at least 3 months.

OP’s posts: |
dementedpixie Sat 20-Feb-21 09:59:34

Have you practised on yourself?

katiegoestoaldi Sat 20-Feb-21 09:59:44

At all or just from vaginal sex? I think it's very common not to orgasm from penetration only

dementedpixie Sat 20-Feb-21 10:02:32

I don't orgasm from PIV sex. I need hand stimulation to get there. I think that's fairly common

Somethingkindaoooo Sat 20-Feb-21 10:08:35

Dude, it's your body. You can't expect someone else to know if you don't yourself.
Unless your hands don't reach in which case, pardon me.

Lady08 Sat 20-Feb-21 10:11:55

Sorry just to clarify, I’ve never orgasmed at all, not through PIV, oral or fingers. It’s never happened for me.

OP’s posts: |
TheWaif Sat 20-Feb-21 10:14:08

Have you tried on yourself though? Or with a vibrator?

I never have with a guy I don't think :/

dementedpixie Sat 20-Feb-21 10:23:03

Have you managed to do it yourself without a partner involved? You need to find the right areas before expecting someone else to be able to

AccidentallyOnPurpose Sat 20-Feb-21 10:25:08

Do you want to?
Do you enjoy sex otherwise?

AlexaStop Sat 20-Feb-21 10:28:43

Lock yourself away for an afternoon, maybe pamper yourself, shave shower wash hair etc whatever you do to make yourself feel nice. Then spend some time getting to know your body or invest in the love honey wand? It's very effective

crystalcherry87 Sat 20-Feb-21 10:35:39

Have you tried a vibrator? Sometimes it can take time trying different ones before you find the one that works best for you. My friend has never had an orgasm either. I recommended a vibrator that I found amazing and she said it did nothing for her. But she did say that she is rarely ever in the mood and has a low sex drive. Do you fantasise about things that turn you on or watch porn if you're into that? I always think an orgasm begins when the brain and clitoris connect as weird as that sounds. If you're not turned on, no amount of stimulation will make you orgasm.

Missdotty Sat 20-Feb-21 10:40:05

I think try a vibrator, lots of lube, and focus on the clitoris exclusively and you will get there with patience, and just relax into it. Fwiw I thought I was ancient when I had my first big O. I had thought I wasn't capable of it. I was. I just had absolutely no idea about how to get there

Lady08 Sat 20-Feb-21 13:13:06

@AccidentallyOnPurpose - Yes I do want to orgasm and I do enjoy sex, it always feels like somethings missing though!

@crystalcherry87 - I have tried a bullet but it didn’t do much for me, it was too intense but I will try another, yes I think you’re right about the brain and clitoris being connected.

@Missdotty - I think I have a mental block, it’s not happening and it’s become a vicious circle. I will however keep trying.

OP’s posts: |
FeminismIsForALLWomen Sat 20-Feb-21 13:22:18

If a bullet is too intense a wand vibrator would probably work better for you. Use it when you're relaxed but don't put pressure on yourself to orgasm, just enjoy it. You'll get a bit further each time and you'll get there eventually.

SoulofanAggron Sat 20-Feb-21 13:29:46

A Magic Wand toy is very reliable. You can alter the intensity. If it's still too intense, you can use it through underwear/clothes.

If it works for you on your own, then your husband can also use it on you at some point during sex.
Quite a lot of women find it difficult to orgasm. A friend of mine never has, but she had a lot of childhood abuse. That isn't necessary for women to find it difficult though.

Trinacham Sat 20-Feb-21 13:36:36

Bullets are very intense. There is a toy called the Womanizer. Horrible name but very good! Expensive but worth the money.

Yankeescot Sat 20-Feb-21 15:02:31

Oh wow, OP. How awful for you. I'm one of the rare women who orgasm intensely through penetration. I prefer it to oral.

Do you do regular lower ab exercises that focus on the strengthening of the pelvic floor? Or try tipping your pelvis in the upwards position?

Try to work on strengthening the pelvic floor(Pilates is amazing for this) and keep practicing on yourself. I really hope you can find a solution!

Keep trying, you'll get there eventually.

SoulofanAggron Sat 20-Feb-21 16:29:00

I'm one of the rare women who orgasm intensely through penetration. I prefer it to oral.

@Yankeescot Yes me too, I actually don't like receiving oral at all, and quite like penetration (am bi so can be from a woman with equipment.) I suppose everyone's angles and position of their bits and pieces is slightly different.

sunnyzweibrucken Sat 20-Feb-21 16:46:16

I have never orgasmed either in my 40s. Then I bought a rabbit vibe and after much practice and finding what will take me over the edge I finally orgasmed at 44 yrs old.

I still am sad that I can’t orgasm via sex or oral but now I’m 50 and I don’t really care too much anymore.

agreyersky Sat 20-Feb-21 16:58:44

Look up OMG Yes! Lots of tips there.
I second that you need to practice on yourself. Especially with fingers. I personally wouldn't totally rely on vibrators and I have more intense orgasms if I use my fingers alone (though it takes longer).

You can find courses online on masturbation for women too. might be worth investing.

There are lots of different types of vibrators for women, and different companies have different types of 'vibrations' in their vibrators. I like Mantric.

And different types of sex toys suit different women. I tried the Womaniser but find it a bit crap. My clit is quite set back though, so maybe that is why.

Don't give up on yourself.

Lady08 Sat 20-Feb-21 16:59:18

@sunnyzweibrucken - I am torn between a rabbit and a wand, I could buy both I guess but also like the look of the womaniser, as suggested by another poster.

OP’s posts: |
Lady08 Sat 20-Feb-21 17:02:07

@agreyersky - My clit is also set back (tucked in) quite a bit too, I did consider maybe that’s why I can’t orgasm. I will have a look online too.

Thanks for all the replies so far smile

OP’s posts: |
Onelifeonly Sat 20-Feb-21 17:35:46

I definitely need a fantasy to think about- not a "story" as then I think about that and not what's happening with me physically. But I have to focus on one aspect of the fantasy in my head, imagine the physical sensations I have are from what I am thinking about, and that pretty much works everytime. It only doesn't when I feel less turned on and can't sustain concentration on my fantasy.

I use a bullet - if it's too intense, I try different areas or use it through my underwear.

FlowersOfAldershot Sat 20-Feb-21 17:38:58

OP my best female friend had the same issue. I talked to her at length about some unpleasant things that had happened in previous failed relationships. We both were thinking it was a mental block.
She went out one night with the girls, got drunk, met a guy, had a one night stand and hit the big O! A combo of being relaxed through alcohol and the guy knowing what he was doing. For her it was oral coupled with the good old come hither finger motion inside. And the lights off 🤷‍♂️

Sexboardsafename Sat 20-Feb-21 17:42:01

Womaniser! Great toy 😃

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