To Have Never Orgasmed!

[Lady08]

How common is this?
I’ve been married for over 10 years and I’m in my 30’s and it’s never happened for me.
I couldn’t post on the sex forum because I need to be a member for at least 3 months.

Sorry Lady08 I totally missed your update 👌🎉

@ravenmum - It’s definitely dominated my evenings now ☺️

@ChangingIt Thanks for the response. I was just curious. The most important thing is that you enjoy it with your partner, so that's great for you.

@ChangingIt, I fully understand your reluctance to not initially go to your GP. It makes sense when you have obviously some research to do yourself firstly. But after that, you should be considering a GP discussion if needed. You have a totally valid question, and with a female GP they'd have some experience and understanding.

If you had sisters, and were very close, you could also have a discussion. There can be a genetic component in anorgasmia.

Good luck!

To my big surprise in my 50s, I found out that I could orgasm through penetration. Just took me time to find the right position for me (and the right man to find it with)! Wasn’t until my 40s that I could even make myself orgasm with my fingers, before that it had been up to chance that my partner could get me there. So keep exploring your sexuality, you never know where it will take you

It's been interesting thread to read! On my side, I just don't/can't ever get there if I've been drinking (more than a glass of wine). I still enjoy it with DP of course, but there it ends.

It's been an eye opener for me to see so many people that never had one. I wonder when did you notice you were missing something or become concerned?

Since an orgasm is so personal, and difficult to describe, I wonder if many other women think they've had them, but really haven't?

I guess in the men, from a practical perspective, there is more direct evidence from ejaculation.

@akitamiss - I wonder this too, in my case I could feel a tightening sensation and there was a small release of fluid, which is female ejaculate (sorry if tmi!)

With orgasm you just know...makes you feel really good and gives you a buzz instantly. I agree though, it is unique for everyone.

Definitely with men there's no mistaking when they orgasm, really.

I read about ‘The Orgasm Gap’ some time ago and it was notable that males orgasm much more frequently than females. It’s explained a little in this video. If a female doesn’t climax during foreplay, then she’s less likely to during sex, as the percentage of females that can orgasm during sex is much lower. So basically if a man wants to make his partner climax, then a sure way to guarantee this is through foreplay.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=g-VeBQDrFCE&feature=youtu.be

I’ve never had one.

Reading this post....and learning lots. You ladies are the best tribe a woman could have!

@godeeva - I think these places are great for these things, no awkward conversations with friends/family, you can say and tell people how it really is, whilst helping each other along the way

I’d be interested to know if anyone has successfully increased their “hit rate” for orgasms through PIV?

I can climax easily enough on my own or with a toy but have only done it once or twice during PIV unless using a bullet at the same time.

@ChangingIt, if you are enjoying the time with you partner, I guess that is the most important thing.

I think it is something that many (most?) women just discover through masturbation in teen years. It's certainly not something my friends ever spoke about growing up. In my case, while it is OK for own my own, it was a problem to get there with different partners in the past.

I also read some on MN in the past about a genetic component. If you has a close relationship with a sister then it's something I think I'd ask to discuss (it is something I feel I could ask my dsis, but that totally depends on the relationship).

Hey OP, I'm the same.. I'm 35 and never orgasmed, but I love sex.
I really get in the mindset, feel dirty, love the sensations, relax..
I love anal sex too.
I've touched myself since I was about 5!
Watched porn since being a teen.

It's just never happened

I never ever have with a guy, only doing it myself.

Achieving an orgasm has more to do with knowing where your clitoris is and how to stimulate it than with having vaginal sex.

OP, have you ever looked at yourself down there? Have you ever touched it?

I orgasmed for the first time in my life when I was a teenager and was playing in bed with a pillow!! It was all by pure chance. It was years and years before I had sex with someone but I knew I could orgasm. I always felt really bad that I could orgasm but it took me years to actually have sex while other girls I knew were having lots of sex but never orgasmed! I thought it was such a waste of a skill!!

My advice would be to first, learn where your bits are. The clitoris is like a little penis and it's kind of hidden in some cases. I can touch and feel mine so I'm sure everybody can find it and feel it too. Some women might need to do more searching than others.

Once you know where it is, you can stimulate it with something soft. I have never tried vibrators myself as I know how to reach it, but that's me. Not everybody is the same.

By the time I actually had sex, it was easy for me to orgasm. It can also have to do with everybody's individual anatomy and they say that the closer the distance between the opening of your vagina and where your clitoris is, the easier it is to orgasm through vaginal sex.

And yes, you can definitely tell when you orgasm. It is a super intense feeling that takes over your whole body, not just a tingle, a huge release of pleasure that makes every every fibre of your body shake. It's really nice and you feel really relaxed afterwards.

It's not an end in itself as I believe you can have really good sex without an orgasm, and the other way round. But it is one the most pleasurable and most physical satisfying experiences your body can have, in my opinion.

If you are unsure, believe me, you haven't really had one.

Same as yourself Malwithoutbec, it happened for me purely by chance. I ended up doing it again and again. Must have been 11/12 at the time and was completely in shock at what had happened. Certainly easier to enjoy sex with a partner if you are confident with your own body first, what works etc. I had to wait several years before finding out about orgasm with a partner for PIV. Exploring your body first is fundamental to enjoying a fulfilling sex life.

blowinahoolie I was in shock too. I might been just thirteen and couldn't believe what I was feeling.

I would have loved to experience something like that with someone at the time, but during all my teenage years I was too scared of abandonment to have sex. I lost my virginity in my early twenties. Had to wait such a long time!

It's all in the head too. I have to say that the best times for me are when I think of someone I really wanted to have sex with but couldn't because things never happened that way. Thinking about a man that you really fancy but cannot have and doing in your mind all the things you dream of doing, the passion, the love, the sex, the connection, emotional bonding too.... In my mind I can have all of those things at once and it's really fantastic.

It's kind of sad in a way, because it's always a fantasy, it's never been that good in real life, although I used to have a fulfilling sex life with my husband. Now he's put a lot of weight, things have changed so much...

It does feel like living in a parallel universe to read on many forums women who have never personally explored their own bodies first before being in a relationship. Surely it is logical to be familiar with what you enjoy and sharing this with a partner by discussing it together? How else would he know?! Men are not mind readers, you have to be clear about what you enjoy. It needs to be about your enjoyment too, not just his.