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Original poster

To Have Never Orgasmed!

146 replies

Lady08 · 20/02/2021 09:57

How common is this?
I’ve been married for over 10 years and I’m in my 30’s and it’s never happened for me.
I couldn’t post on the sex forum because I need to be a member for at least 3 months.

OP posts:
FlowersOfAldershot · 20/02/2021 18:03

OP, sorry to hear that about DH. Even if you do find yourself, so to speak, you'd still need a considerate partner who will listen to guidance and have the confidence not to take offence, if you were to got the heights with him. Good luck in your quest!

Raspberrysins · 20/02/2021 18:15

This was me (42) until a couple of years ago! The only way I can is with a bullet vibrator and it needs to be a pretty intense one! I’ve never had one through sex and I also dislike oral for some reason. What I do is use it during sex near the end when I’m already turned on. It’s tricky as it sort of gets in the way so better to go on top. I am also rarely ‘in the mood’ and have a low libido but this thing will ALWAYs work now. I’d second practising on your own. Have you ever considered porn? I only ever watch it on my own 🙈 for some reason I love the lesbian ones although I’ve never ever wanted to do it with a woman in real life 🤷‍♀️ I think it’s the mysterious nature of it. Also most other porn is terrible!

ThreeTwoOneBlastOff · 20/02/2021 18:34

My husband isn’t big on foreplay

So sex is all about his orgasm?

Londontown12 · 20/02/2021 18:34

Yes womaniser very good 😃

dementedpixie · 20/02/2021 18:38

Has your dh attempted to bring you to orgasm? Dh doesn't get sex until I've had mine first; it's only fair!

Skyla2005 · 20/02/2021 18:46

Try Googling clitoral atrophy. A friend of mine had this because she wasn't using her clit enough it goes inside so it's much harder to have an orgasm. There is various things you can do to encourage it to come back out but it takes time and patience I think there may be a hormone cream as well that you can get from the gp to break down the layer that's covering it If you don't use it you can loose it ! Good luck

crystalcherry87 · 20/02/2021 19:17

Rabbit are the best I think. I still have my model from around 6 years ago and it needs replacing but all the newer versions seem to have changed the material and are now the soft silicone type which I don't find form enough. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Original poster
Lady08 · 20/02/2021 20:06

@FlowersOfAldershot - Yes you’re right, thanks, I’m more determined now to reach the big O!

@Raspberrysins - I do occasionally watch the porn made for females yes, I did try a bullet but found it too intense, I think I’d prefer something like the rabbit, or possibly the wand, in fact there’s a lot i’d like to try, so if one doesn’t work after some time, I’ll try another Smile

OP posts:
heyday · 20/02/2021 22:46

Use lots of lube and explore your own body....discover what feels good and go from there.

EarthSight · 20/02/2021 22:54

Try this - go to the toilet and make sure you're not holding on to any urine. Breathe, and try to let go and relax those muscles as much as possible. Really try to be totally lose and not clench. This clenching might feel good in other ways, but it can inhibit circulation and pleasure, as can the frustration of not getting there.

Original poster
Lady08 · 20/02/2021 23:01

@Yankeescot - No I don’t do lower abdominal exercises, are the pelvic floor ones where you repeatedly lift your bottom up and off the floor?

OP posts:
Member589500 · 21/02/2021 01:24

Womaniser. Much better than vibrator. :)

Mrsmummy90 · 21/02/2021 02:12

I have the womaniser and honestly just find it uncomfortable. I've tried it a few times and just don't get on with it.
Disappointing as I'd really got my hopes up after seeing all the reviews!

Honeybobbin · 21/02/2021 02:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gutful · 21/02/2021 04:27

Your husband sounds selfish. His laziness with lack of foreplay does not trump your right to be pleasures during the process.

It may though have gotten to the point where he doesn’t know how to please you & has stopped trying, your sex has fallen into a routine.

For me it’s all mental & I am a big fan of orgasm denial & NOT touching the clitoris until you’re so turned on you’re begging for it to be touched.

Too many men equate what they would like & go in too rough with too much rubbing around down there thinking they can force an orgasm out that way.

For me less is more.

The fact you don’t know what you like or how to get yourself there is significant though. It’s hard to expect someone else to get you there when you don’t even know what will - so you have no way of guiding them or making suggestions.

As others have said I would take this into your own hands & find out yourself what will get you there. Then he can at least help out.

Snowdrop30 · 21/02/2021 04:52

I have a lot of sympathy with the OP. I would echo what many posters have said, which is that vibrators differ and what works for some doesn't work for others. The buzzy high intensity of a bullet does nothing for me, but the low rumble of a wand (which is also spread out over a much wider area) really works.

DeepFakeQueen · 21/02/2021 05:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lady08 · 21/02/2021 07:58

Females, you say? hmm

@Honeybobbin - What do you mean by this comment?

OP posts:
DeepFakeQueen · 21/02/2021 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Christmasfairy2020 · 21/02/2021 10:27

Anti depressants block it. Id tell you exactly how I manage to get from vaginal sex however I can't name change as I can't remember my password and whenever I ask for a re set it won't do it lol

Original poster
Lady08 · 21/02/2021 10:38

@DeepFakeQueen - No idea either, your post is visible again now.
Thank you, I’ll have a look at the website you recommended, I’m glad it happened for you eventually Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Lady08 · 21/02/2021 10:43

@Christmasfairy2020 - That’s ok, I’ve had lots of very useful advice on here so far anyway Smile
I’m not on antidepressants, so it seems it’s something I need to work on mentally and physically.

OP posts:
agreyersky · 21/02/2021 11:05

As previous OP said lack of use of your clitoris can make it recede. I suspect this happened to me during my shit sex marriage to my husband.
However, despite having a set back clitoris now ( definitely used to be more prominent) I can still orgasm normally (never through vaginal though).

My husband isn’t big on foreplay, so I don’t think it would be something I could achieve with him Sorry, but this is not okay. Sex is meant to be an act of mutual pleasure. And mutually bonding.
And it can't be if its only about him getting his rocks off. Is it selfishness on his part or a lack of confidence? The latter you can work on together.

Original poster
Lady08 · 21/02/2021 11:43

I’ve had a read about clitoral atrophy, I honestly didn’t know this existed and seems a simple case of use it or lose it. I’m now concerned this is a case with me but how would I be able to tell if this is what’s happened?

@agreyersky - It is something that I will also need to work on with him, in the time we’ve been together, he’s paid very little attention to my clitoris, I do but probably not as much as I should have.

OP posts:
Trinacham · 21/02/2021 11:48

@Lady08

I’ve had a read about clitoral atrophy, I honestly didn’t know this existed and seems a simple case of use it or lose it. I’m now concerned this is a case with me but how would I be able to tell if this is what’s happened?

@agreyersky - It is something that I will also need to work on with him, in the time we’ve been together, he’s paid very little attention to my clitoris, I do but probably not as much as I should have.

That is definitely something that won't help. Nothing more to turn you off than a partner who doesn't seem interested in you achieving your orgasm!