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new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

(471 Posts)
SenselessUbiquity Tue 12-May-20 14:49:46

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

- following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
- saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
- somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

NoNamesNoPackDrillHere Tue 12-May-20 15:04:47

Dd(22) has been with her bf for 3 years.
She isn’t even planning on meeting him for a walk as she will find it too upsetting. In her eyes it’s no different to FaceTiming him.

category12 Tue 12-May-20 15:08:13

Currently not seeing boyfriend. I don't think the 2metre distance is something I would manage in person, so on we go.

SenselessUbiquity Tue 12-May-20 15:09:27

I am wondering if I feel like that too and I am 48! I think my DP would be upset if I said "let's just leave it" but I think I am going to feel weird and awkward going for a walk with him without hugging or touching at all. (which is strange as in normal times, walking quite long distances was one of the things we did a lot very happily)

beachdays123 Tue 12-May-20 15:11:27

My son and his gf (17) are finding this really hard and I feel for them, surely they can’t be expected to distance until a vaccine is found? Other countries, Germany and Australia I think, have allowed visiting partners as an exception throughout

SenselessUbiquity Tue 12-May-20 15:14:53

I live with my young daughters and have always thought it was better for them, after I separated from their dad, that my personal life didn't impinge on their home life. Now I look at the example posed by Johnson and think that it probably hasn't even occurred to him that people can have close relationships with people they haven't high-handed moved into their houses and to hell with the impact on anyone else. He had a girlfriend in no 10 with him while he was still married to someone else.

SenselessUbiquity Tue 12-May-20 15:16:15

They can't mean us not to get close to them until there is a vaccine! But why haven't they said anything?
they did say that small weddings might be allowed in step 3 - maybe they mean us to get married?

okiedokieme Tue 12-May-20 15:43:11

Dd is seeing her boyfriend, has been for the last 2 weeks. Dd is on her own otherwise and is a student so barely leaves the house.

Politicians have completely forgotten that people don't live with long term partners because it doesn't affect them.

I moved in with dp, made lockdown bearable. But I still see dd sometimes, if she was under 18 it was within the permitted guidelines, because she is 9 months older she's not meant to see one of her parents? She lives with her dad currently

763freedom Tue 12-May-20 16:01:09

We are waiting to see what's said this week as more questions get asked. He lives 45 mins away so to go on a walk one or both of us would have to do some travel. I think I would also find it hard not touching after nearly 2 months! We both have DC (he hasnt met mine - was due to when this all kicked off) so wasnt practical to just move in 😂
It is very tough though x

SunshineSmellsLikeSummer Tue 12-May-20 16:27:20

Well, given that we can travel to scenic places and beaches now and given that no one is going to have a clue whether you live together or not when you get there...

Bramblebear92 Tue 12-May-20 16:41:10

We haven't yet, but it's getting to the stage where it feels a bit too much. We live far apart though so it'd involve (non-essential) travel. I'm going to ask him if he'll visit in the next few weeks, but think chances are he'll say no.

Loads of couples live apart and it's not always as easy as 'move in.' He'd have to sacrifice his job and business to do so.

I'm living alone and just think it's inhumane to not think about how there's many people who now are facing months having not seen a soul. This 'bubble' idea wouldn't really help me either, as he lives with us brother atm who would choose his sister and so bf wouldn't be able to choose me. I actually find the idea stressful.

I think the issue is that there seems no end point in sight for LAT couples. Like how long do they expect people to be apart? If the answer is till a vaccine then sadly a lot of couples won't make still be together by that point.

Badhairday101 Tue 12-May-20 16:44:26

Yes just stuck to it so far but found it really difficult. We both have children and live 40 mins apart so moving in was not an option. I also think it would feel strange to just meet up to go for a socially distant walk after 2 months of no contact.
Hoping that some guidance about this comes out soon. There must be so many people affected by it.

Always28 Tue 12-May-20 17:04:12

I’m now seeing my boyfriend - and not in a distanced way. We hadn’t seeing each other until last week - we both have young children who have only spent a limited amount of time together so far so moving in together wouldn’t be in their best interests. But with absolutely no end date in sight and no indication as to when people living apart in relationships will be able to see each other, we’ve now decided to see each other when he doesn’t have his child (my children are with me all the time at the moment). It is not the same as not seeing family and friends. Physical contact, sharing a bed, and sharing a life is so important. We would be allowed to live together, and seeing each other a couple of times a week isn’t any riskier than moving in together.

We’ve assessed the risk in our situation - we both work from home and live a couple of miles from each other. My children are with me full time. His child is going back and forth but his mum is also working from home and not in contact with anyone else. We’re highly unlikely to spread the virus in any way while our lives are like this. So we’ve applied common sense and decided to see each other for both of our sanity and to look after our relationship, which we value and prioritise highly. We don’t not live together because we’re not committed. We don’t live together because we put our children’s needs first.

I understand that the economy is important but so are relationships and mental health. The government aren’t even acknowledging relationships where people live apart which just shows a massive lack of empathy and emotional intelligence.

SenselessUbiquity Tue 12-May-20 17:21:32

I wondered whether there would be people who have just said "it's not working for us, it isn't fair, we aren't going to do it".

What really feels like a kick in the teeth is people being "strongly encouraged" to go back to work and mixing with people they may not even like, let alone love, in jobs that they may hate, while people can't see the other person they love most.

It's not remotely the same thing as going to watch the football at a pub and rubbing up against 50 spitting sweaty bodies in an afternoon. It's just one person.

I get that there is need for caution and different categories of opening up will happen at different times, but as a PP said, this category hasn't even been mentioned. It feels as if it really will be the last to be considered and will only take place when you can watch the football at the pub again. If that's how it's going to be, I can't follow those rules.

Stronger76 Tue 12-May-20 17:21:36

Mine lives in the same small town, a few minutes drive away. We've met in each others' garden and went on a 2m apart walk at the weekend, but no physical contact.

IT'S breaking me.

Bramblebear92 Tue 12-May-20 17:31:30

If he insists I'll obviously have no choice but to continue sticking to it. But if we get to July and pubs, restaurants, and cinemas are re-opening and they still haven't said anything about live-apart partners seeing each other then I would break it. Policing large gatherings is sensible. Stopping people seeing one of the most important people in their lives indefinitely is unrealistic.

Still, I don't expect they'll ever make an announcement on this. So it'll probably be a matter of being cautious, waiting till a few more things are opening up, and beyond that it's probably up to us.

Always28 Tue 12-May-20 17:34:50

I think a lot of people will still be seeing their DP but quietly. If you aren’t seeing anyone else except that person, so you’ve cut all your contact from every adult except one, you’re still doing ‘lockdown’, you are still preventing the spread of the virus. If the government were acknowledging this situation and giving an indication, then I might feel differently. But they’re not.

I’m seeing my DP now but I won’t be broadcasting it. My close friends and family know and are all really supportive and happy for me which is lovely. I feel happy, relaxed and hopeful for the first time since March. I still miss my family, friends and life like hell. But having the in person part of my relationship back is such a huge relief and support, for both of us.

beachdays123 Tue 12-May-20 17:37:00

A suggestion!

I’ve asked about it as a question here for the daily briefing, could be a good idea for others to do the same I suppose, if more of us ask there’s more of a chance of it being picked...

SenselessUbiquity Tue 12-May-20 17:40:44

There is a part of me that thinks that some people are assuming that everyone is, like Always28.

Doingitaloneandproud Tue 12-May-20 17:42:27

I'm seeing my DP, spent the weekend together and will see him again in a few weeks, I'm WFH and have only left the house for a walk a few times a week and we assessed the risks, the government were giving no indication when it comes to partners that live apart as to when it could look like it would change

On another note I've asked the question on the gov website a few times but will keep Doing so.. maybe they'll answer

sociallydistained Tue 12-May-20 17:48:26

Not seeing my partner and we don't think we'll meet up at the distance either because it would be upsetting and hard work.

I sometimes feel like what's the point. I am not working but possibly might be back very soon. He has worked throughout as a delivery driver but has no other contact. But we've come this far may as well wait. I don't mind my solitary existence really lol

AliasGrape Tue 12-May-20 17:52:28

My friend has started seeing her boyfriend again - he stayed at hers last weekend. They’re both working from home and seeing no one else apart from food shopping which they’re limiting to once every 10 days to 2 weeks. She has a diagnosed mental health condition for which her treatment has been suspended and she’s been really struggling.

I’m not judging. Don’t think I’d do it - I think they should have moved in together for the duration of lockdown - but it’s not really my business and I can’t see how they’re increasing the risks any more than they would be moving in together. I live with my husband so I’m not really in a position to judge what it’s like to be apart (we were actually apart for the first 2 and a half weeks due to his work and I struggled enough with that).

Notrightbutok Tue 12-May-20 17:53:20

I've seen my DP 3 times. At Easter Bank Holiday weekend I had no choice as my house had a major plumbing emergency and I couldn't contact landlord, the advice online was to turn water off so I went to his house whilst kids were with their dad. Seen him every other weekend since. He works in a delivery centre and I work in a supermarket so we can't socially distance really.

AllMouthandTrousers Tue 12-May-20 17:56:06

I see mine quuite freely. I am technically homeless and stuck between my ex's place where there is no room for me and he doesnt want me around but has to put up with me for childcare reasons and my boyfriend's, who doesnt want me to move in. Its sooo much fun envy. I am finally in a position to rent a house and all ready to rock and roll on it, but can't view until lockdown is lifted.

Always28 Tue 12-May-20 17:56:53

Good idea to keep asking on the government website. I will take a look and submit a question there too. Thank you smile

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