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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

761 replies

SenselessUbiquity · 12/05/2020 14:49

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

  • following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
  • saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
  • somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

OP posts:
LemonyCupcake · 13/05/2020 13:58

Children are extra to the bubble

I think people are just gonna have to ignore the restrictions now - my relationship is more important to me , esp as dp and I have both had it , 99% sure

diege · 13/05/2020 16:29

I've sent a question for the briefing - I wonder what the chances are that us forgotten lot are ever mentioned?

Interesting phone in on Jeremy Vine today on the psycho-social effects of not having hugs 😢

LemonyCupcake · 13/05/2020 16:31

I wonder should we email Jeremy vine show ? Or daily mail !?

LemonyCupcake · 13/05/2020 16:35

mailto:[email protected]

fourquenelles · 13/05/2020 16:37

Not seen Gentleman Caller in the flesh since end of February. We live an hour train ride apart and neither of us drive. We email about our day every evening and face time twice a week.

booboo24 · 13/05/2020 17:20

Lemonycupcake Good plan on both counts there.

booboo24 · 13/05/2020 17:32

'Laura' asked about bubbles and it now sounds unlikely yet doesn't it.....

LemonyCupcake · 13/05/2020 19:00

Am going to email Jeremy Vine

))

shinynewapple2020 · 13/05/2020 19:00

I'm not in this position myself but if I had a partner , we didn't live together but neither of us were coming in to contact with others I would definitely meet up. I suppose the issue is that if you both have DC who are seeing their other parent you then have lots of links in a chain.

LemonyCupcake · 13/05/2020 19:07

Yeah that’s the problem

diege · 13/05/2020 19:32

Hopefully they are permitted 'links' in the chain on the basis of arrangements already in place for children going between households? Ie, that any social bubbles would be extra to the above arrangement? I'm widowed so not an issue for my kids but my dp usually sees his son every other weekend- I'd be bloody pissed off if he had to choose fortnightly visits as his bubble! 😫
Lemony excellent idea to email Jeremy V- agree, social bubble scenario pretty much brushed under the carpet in today's briefing!

firebrand123 · 13/05/2020 22:21

Not seen my DP since lockdown started. As others have said, I’d find meeting in person but keeping 2m apart to be so hard. Also we live about an hour's drive apart.

I miss him like crazy and desperately need a hug from an adult but my kids are missing their friends so much, I’d feel like such a hypocrite if I met him on the sly. I’m absolutely not judging anyone for doing that, I completely understand why you would, my guilt complex just won’t let me.

I just wish someone would tell me how long this will last or what I should do, I’m really struggling with it dragging on and no idea how to really cope Sad

Mintychoc1 · 13/05/2020 22:40

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live about 25 minutes apart, and would usually see each other 2 evenings a week and half of the weekend.

I haven’t seen him for over 8 weeks now, and I miss him terribly. He’s a very upbeat optimistic person, and I’m having a crappy lockdown (working and trying to home educate my kids), so I really miss having him around to lift my mood.

We are seeing each other for the first time on Saturday, for a socially distant walk. I’m actually nervous about it, because it will be horrible not to be able to hug him. But I’m a GP, and both of us have elderly parents who we take food to, so we really can’t take any risks.

When I wonder how long it will be before I can hug him it makes me want to cry.

Mintychoc1 · 13/05/2020 22:41

And as others have said, even if I wanted to take the risk, it wouldn’t seem fair in my kids if my boyfriend stayed over whilst they couldn’t see their friends.

Mintychoc1 · 13/05/2020 22:48

When it comes to conversations about lockdown I feel we’re a pretty neglected group really. People tend to assume that couples either live together, or they’re not that serious. Bit in reality the reason couples don’t cohabit is often nothing to do with love and commitment, it’s to do with practicalities, distance, impact on kids etc.

Jane1978xx · 13/05/2020 23:09

I’ve not seen my bf but I’ve had my dd all the time as her dad is messing about visiting friends and family. If I didn’t have her I think we would have met up

CrabAppleTreeBlossom · 13/05/2020 23:43

Thank you for this thread, it’s nice no longer feel like I’m the only person in this category.

I live in the same village as my dp (together for 3 years) and we have been going on socially distanced walks about 3 times a week as our daily exercise, throughout lockdown. We stay strictly 2m away, walking the other side of the road to each other etc. I know I’ve been lucky to do this but I’ve found it really hard to see them and not touch, I think it’s damaging to our physical relationship.

Oopsiedaisyy · 14/05/2020 07:54

To be honest, we have been seeing each other every few weeks through the lockdown, as a managed risk.

Windmillwhirl · 14/05/2020 07:58

And if he is isolating until there is a vaccine then we won't be seeing each other for over a year. Not sure the relationship would really survive that.

Is he in a high risk group? If not and given that the vast majority of people recover this sounds concerning. Is he always so dramatic?

Original poster
SenselessUbiquity · 14/05/2020 08:00

It is damaging. The effects of this virus are going to be long term in terms of removing personal resources from all of us as individuals. Businesses struggle, people laid off or taking pay cuts, prospects shrinking, LAs making cuts, everyone having to do much more with less. The emotional stuff on top is really hard. We're being bled in all directions. I agree with everyone who says we have been totally forgotten. just because we didn't run off and leave our kids with another parents and shack up with the most rewarding person we know - like men do - we get no emotional support, apparently for the forseeable future.
So now we have to educate without schools and teachers, provide all the meals at home, on lower incomes, work without the support and infrastructure of a team or a business around us, manage without income if the work has gone, keep the kids' spirits up while they can't see friends, zoom aged parents at all hours apparently and bolster them too - and there is nothing, nothing at all, for us

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 14/05/2020 08:40

Is he in a high risk group? If not and given that the vast majority of people recover this sounds concerning. Is he always so dramatic?

It's not "dramatic".

If it's of so little concern, why are we having to take the measures we are? Why are they trying to develop a vaccine?

He is in a higher risk group. Though not very high risk. He's 61, overweight, with a blood condition. He doesn't want to catch it. Neither do I actually.

Mascotte · 14/05/2020 08:44

We're now ignoring it and seeing each other. We are both at home and obeying all the other rules so there's no more risk than if we did live together. We have chosen not to live together, as responsible people for the sake of my dc although we've been together for a few years. The spirit of the law is observed!

Windmillwhirl · 14/05/2020 08:51

It's not "dramatic".

It is absolutely dramatic to isolate until a vaccine is found.

firebrand123 · 14/05/2020 08:52

For those who are seeing each other, do your children know and if so, how have you explained it to them?

I keep thinking that seeing my DP is far less risky than all these people piling onto crowded Tubes and buses, but it’s how I’d explain it to my kids who want to see their friends that would bother me and I don’t want to sneak around.

Always28 · 14/05/2020 08:54

@mascotte very similar situation here. I figure I’m looking at why these guidelines are in place. We’re a closed circle having no contact with anyone outside of that. I’m not even going to the supermarket. So as you say, the spirit of the law is observed. I’m just looking forward to something changing so we can get together when we both have our kids, and all spend time together. At the moment he’s coming over once or twice a week when his son is at his mums. If this had happened in a year or two, I’ve no doubt we would have all moved in together, but our kids are still getting to know each other so it really wouldn’t be fair to them to do that and unsettle them more on top of the huge life changes they’re dealing with right now!