new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

[SenselessUbiquity]

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

• following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
• saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
• somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

How old are your kids @firebrand123 ?

I genuinely don't understand why people say "Why don't you just move in together?" It seems so irresponsible to me. And it does not make the risk any less.

@Always28 They’re 10 and 6, so it’s mainly the 10 year old I’m worried about explaining it to.

"I genuinely don't understand why people say "Why don't you just move in together?" It seems so irresponsible to me. And it does not make the risk any less."

YY Mascotte

I genuinely don't understand why people say "Why don't you just move in together?" It seems so irresponsible to me. And it does not make the risk any less.

Yes, this.

The deputy chief medical officer Jenny Harries actually said, when lockdown started, that couples could "test the strength of their relationship" by moving in together so they could still see each other. Yeah, that works really well when there are kids involved......

My dp has moved in with me now for a while . His kids will have to see him here rather than in his own house. Nobody is high risk ( in fact we think we have had it )

It really annoyed me when she said that. My relationship doesn’t need its strength testing. It’s strong. We just put our children’s well-being before our desire to live together right now. I agree, the risk isn’t any more than it would be if we lived together. But our children are settled and happy and secure. When we move in together it will be because it’s the right time and we’ve eased our kids into it and prepared them.

My eldest is 9 and is here when DP comes over and hasn’t questioned it, and in fact the kids are just really excited to see him and spend time with someone else. Actually my eldest was lovely the first time I said DP was coming over and said, oh that’s so nice for you, you must be missing him so much.

Thanks @Always28, good to know your 9 yo is ok with your DP visiting.

I think the additional complication for me is DP lives in a shared house. He has his own bathroom so it's only the kitchen that's shared and he's cleaning stuff before he touches it, using the same cutlery etc which he keeps in his room, so the risk there is minimal. But I still worry.... basically my anxiety just doesn't know how to process everything and decide on the best way forward, and it also doesn't handle the uncertainty of not knowing, if we stick to the rules, when I might get to see and hug my DP again.

I honestly think it’s been overlooked - they can’t say it’s ok to visit partners and not family so it won’t be until this bubble thing is instigated

Looks like they have an antibody test now so that’s positive

Always28 I agree. I was on a zoom call last night with some friends who said to me "why don't you just move your boyfriend in?". I'm amazed that people still think that non-cohabiting couples can't be serious about one another.

"test the strength of your relationship" is patronising and annoying. Erm why should I have "tests" to see whether I "deserve" love? What hoops exactly should I jump through and what cookies should I leap for? Fuck off. I don't need to be "tested". I've come out of an abusive relationship, I support my children and myself on my own without benefits, I have been horrifically bullied at work for the past couple of years and hung on when people tell they would have broken because I am tough tough tough and I will look after my kids no matter what. I have now lost my job and I am going to retrain and start from scratch in something else because I will keep going, no matter what. The only bit that is good, the only bit that is sweet and is for me, is the lovely man who listens to me and loves me and is honest and truthful with me and who loves me. you want to throw "testing" into that too? fuck off fuck off fuck off. I am tested practically to fucking death. There is no more testing required here, thank you very fucking much

@SenselessUbiquity Yes!!!! You just know this Jenny Harries is completely overprivileged and out of touch with how life actually works for so many of us.

It's likely she'd normally sneer at people just randomly shacking up together, I reckon!

@SenselessUbiquity Agree with every word. So correct!

It has been said explicitly that we can now meet one other person outside our household, as long as it's outside and we keep 2m apart. So yes, you can, but I imagine it might be hard to stay 2m from your partner for the duration of the meeting- you might want to hold hands for instance, which wouldn't be allowed.

Also, you might have someone you feel you should see, such as a parent or other family member who doesn't live with you. They should probably (unless the relationship is very difficult) be your one person, as you've known them longer and they'll want to see you, and you're only allowed one person.

So technically you'd have to choose one or the other.

Never mind holding hands... 😂😂

@NoMoreDickheads you are actually incorrect. You can meet another person not of your household in the outdoors. So I can meet Deidre one day for a socially distancing walk and Trevor the next day for a social distancing walk. You don't have to 'choose' at all.

Exactly @Mascotte , we're way beyond the needing to hold hands stage now, lol!!!

senseless I know exactly what you mean when you say there's nothing for us.
I'm a GP so I'm working, which is busy and stressful.
I'm home educating my kids.
I'm sorting food and collecting medication etc for my elderly Mum.
I'm trying hard to stay as upbeat as I can, for my kids (14 and 11) who are fed up and missing their friends.
And the one person who could be there for me, just me, without wanting anything in return is my partner - but I can't be with him.

We're seeing each other in a park, at a 2 metre distance, on Saturday for the first time in 8 weeks. It's going to be very hard not to just hold him and cry on his shoulder.

It's going to be very hard not to just hold him and cry on his shoulder

That's why I just can't bring myself to meet my DP, @Mintychoc1 .... let us know how it goes for you

Jeremy Vine is covering relationships now.....

I've got Jeremy on now. The woman saying her marriage is stronger after all the time together.. it's like a kick in the guts, I miss DP so much

Well, unless I missed it, he only covered couples in lockdown together and not those locked down apart. Yet again, we're ignored.

@firebrand123 but you do have to understand for every one of these people saying their marriage is stronger, there are many suffering in abusive situations throughout this lockdown.

It is hard to hear other people being a bit 'smug' about their cosy time together, I get that. I miss my DP too, and just hope there is a change very soon.

@PinkMonkeyBird Yes, you're absolutely right. I know it's not good for everyone and for some stuck with an abuser it's life threatening. I just wish we were part of the dialogue xx