new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

[SenselessUbiquity]

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

• following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
• saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
• somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

Yep I posted too soon, it was supposed to be about relationships struggling in lockdown, but turned into people ringing in about how it had strengthened their relationships. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're happy, but I'm SO jealous!!!!!

I have been with mine for 5 years, but due to his mum's ill health, his son nearby, his job, my children, and the fact we live 80 miles apart, moving in for lockdown was never an option, so hearing about people who have moved in together (1 had only been in a relationship for 6 weeks!) make me really envious! oh well, I'll just look forward to seeing him for a few hours Saturday for a bloody walk!

I am suffering as not with my DP at the moment (and not listening to Jeremy Vine) but I have to say I think there are some rose-tinted spectacles on here as well.

There are countless anecdotes on here about how stifling it can be forced into lockdown with a spouse or partner. For some it might be a strengthening exercise but for a significant number it will be the death knell and for millions it will just be more of the same but with added helpings of claustrophobia and drudgery.

I am also frustrated that people in serious but non-cohabiting relationships are being treated as if they don't exist. I understand there are significant challenges associated with managing it but the Jenny Harries comments were so throwaway and 1950s. And now the approach seems to be, by default, that if you aren't cohabiting your relationship is a non-event, without any consideration of the mental pressure this puts on people. Clearly this isn't the government's number one priority, I get that. But given that so much lip service has been paid to trying to help people normalise their lives as much as possible, it seems odd.

@booboo24 mine has moved in for a bit

The regulations state

@LemonyCupcake - that sounds like someone could move in for a few days, like my DP would effectively do pre-lockdown when he usually stayed Weds to Sun, and then go back to their house again before coming back a few days later... which is totally not what the government have said.... am I reading it wrong?

@lemonycupcake Thanks, that reads as if he could move in for the weekend and then go home for work on a Monday morning? It's not very clear at all, all the advice is it? I'd love nothing more than for us to stay for weekends at each others houses but thought that there are no circumstances whereby we could step foot over the threshold at present! I'm currently wfh full time, he has just started back at work. There's hope then eventually.....!

@LemonyCupcake could you post a link for that website please. I’d like a look as if that’s the case and fits my circumstances, then it’s a game changer.
Getting so fed up of the zero contact.

This didn’t arise for me as I already live with my boyfriend, but my ex (with whom I share 50/50 custody of my daughter) and his partner, who live apart, have been seeing each other regularly, my daughter tells me - she will come and stay at theirs for three or fours nights when her kids are at their dad’s, and he possibly goes to hers when dd is with me - I wouldn’t really know. To be honest, I am not surprised and I don’t judge them. My happiness during lockdown has been vastly increased by being with my two favourite people (my daughter and my boyfriend) - in fact my relationship with my bloke is better than ever, I guess because we have had more time to nurture it. Why would I want to deny them that? Plus, I’m glad they did it like this rather than blending their households all of a sudden - that would have been really tough on the kids. She has three, and I don’t suppose either of them currently has a house big enough for four young kids, plus there would be the issue of making sure everyone’s toys were there, etc etc. I’m not blind to the fact that they will probably blend their households somewhere down the line, and I know it’s none of my business really, but I do hope it happens in a planned way that is positive for my child......

In terms of contact, my daughter goes between two households, hers do, possibly her ex sees his partner (I wouldn’t know), and she, my boyfriend and I are all teachers so all in work some of the time - it’s quite a spread really, which isn’t great..... But now so many people are going to be back at work anyway, this troubles me less than it did....

Ah, I just found the full guidance online. The image @LemonyCupcake shares there is only part of it - that's the 3rd column. The first column shows that this is in relation to
"Moving to a friend’s address
for several days to allow
a ‘cooling-off’ following
arguments at home."

So it's for that specific situation only.

I got a bit excited for a minute there!

www.college.police.uk/What-we-do/COVID-19/Documents/What-constitutes-a-reasonable-excuse.pdf

Here's the image of the full guidance

The actual regulations are here and only talk about being able to "(l)to move house where reasonably necessary;"
www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/made

So.... depends how you define "move house" and "reasonably necessary" but having a partner to stay for a few days is probably a stretch although you could maybe argue as a one-off for mental health...??

It's hard but we've come this far.....Hopefully they will make things easier for us soon

Yes I agree - legally that’s only an example , cooling off after a row

www.college.police.uk/What-we-do/COVID-19/Documents/What-constitutes-a-reasonable-excuse.pdf

Yeah I was gonna argue the mental health thing but dp got here fine , didn’t get questioned and now he’s living here till end of the restrictions

Guarantee the gov will turn round and say at some point - it has always been allowed

@booboo24 I mean is anyone gonna actually report you? Also the police would have to get a warrant to come into your house and arrest you and I don’t think any court would sanction that as you aren’t doing anything risky !

Very true, sadly though I live in a small village in a cul-de-sac where everyone knows everyone's business before it's even happened- I always think Vicar of Dibley!!!! I'd gladly sneak him in for the weekend though if I could! I really hope they allow it soon, I suppose if they're considering pubs etc in July then they'd have to allow house to house visits before then? Clutching at straws here..

I don't think there is any way to twist the language that says "move in", to mean "stay a few days".

It's clear it means actually move in, not just visit even if that is a few days. I've come to stay with my mum, after four weeks of lockdown, but she is 80 and has medical conditions, my father just died, so this falls into the "assist a vulnerable person" category.

@vangogh it says the visit should be measured in days not hours..

I haven’t seen my DP since the 10th of March and I’m in a vulnerable group so I doubt I will see him now for the foreseeable future.We don’t live together in fact he lives 150 miles away so any travel here would be considered non-essential.

@ thepeopleversuswork agree totally re the view of people who aren’t in cohabiting relationships.I see it on here all the time.Someone talks about their DP and someone always pops up and says “if you don’t live together then he’s your boyfriend not your partner.” I even saw a whole thread once devoted to the annoyance over the fact that some people dare to think their non cohabiting boyfriends are partners.

Yet someone could move a bloke in after three weeks and he would be considered a partner,whereas I’ve been with mine for over seven years and others have valid reasons not to live together but they have to be referred to as a boyfriend.

I hadn't told my kids about DP yet. We've been together for 18months and pre lockdown I was planning on telling them soon as for them to spend time with him. DP suggested he move in when lockdown was announced but I said no because I hadn't told the kids yet. Here we are 8 weeks on and no change on the horizon for us to meet up other than in a public place 2m apart. I also feel we have been forgotten about. I have seen him once in secret.

@AlternativePerspective I too find the whole labelling rules ridiculous on here. I married young (21) we had been together 7 years by then, so he was my husband for 17 years, then I was single for 3 before meeting my now fiance. For a whole host of reasons, kids, work, mum with dementia we hadn't moved in together yet but are planning to late this year (probably not now due to this!) I would feel ridiculous at 43 calling someone my boyfriend!!!

Saw mine today for the first time today in seven weeks . We met in the park but didn't physically distance . I have no regrets . The best 3 hours I've had in the last 2 months and I bloody needed it

My dp drove a long way to move in with me and it was fine

We’re going to meet tonight. I would have done it from the beginning but he is much more rules led than me. I’ve risk assessed and I’m not stupid so really don’t see the problem.
It’s really not ok that housekeepers and nannies can come in to people’s homes but people who haven’t seen another person or single parents that have no support can’t go to their friends or family or drop their child off to be looked after.
It really is completely aimed at helping people like Boris! As unbeknown to him most of us don’t actually have nannies looking after our kids.
Sorry a bit of a tangent there but I think it just highlights how our difficulties are at the very bottom of the list.

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking I think an arrangement like that would suit me too. Weirdly I'd quite likely a bit of official commitment (handy for times like these!) bu also our own spaces.

@ohnoitsnot glad you had a nice time

And @Badhairday101 have a lovely night