Does anyone regret ltb and becoming a single parent?

[Puddlejuice]

Just at the title really, please give me the downsides of leaving with the dc and starting over.

I'm worried about loneliness, finances, boredom, changing the dc's schools etc, but also excited about not having to live this slow crushing death by indifference.

Is it really worth leaving a relationship that's not completely awful, but certainly has its issues?

[Eesha]

Nope, I have such peace now. I even get on with me ex even though he made my life hell at the time. I get benefits which helps as my ex doesn't pay much. My kids are used to their new normal.

[Menora]

No never!
In fact I have never regretted leaving a single relationship that wasn’t working or making me unhappy, children or no children involved

Children also happier

[Blinkme]

Not having to live like i did outweighs any negative and to be honest I cant think of a single one. It was the best decision i ever made and i only regret not doing it earlier

[IndieTara]

Nope it was the best decision I ever made

[category12]

No, splitting up with him was the best decision I ever made. I do better without him. I'm happy without him. The kids flourished without him living with us.

Although he wasn't one of those guys that didn't do housework, I can cope just fine with it, and in some ways it's far better to have everything fall to me - cos you're not constantly waiting for him to do it in his own time, or for DIY jobs to get done cos he said he would.

Money-wise, he would empty the accounts within moments of us getting paid. Now I manage my own money, know exactly what's coming in and going out, live within my means - I have control over it and spend it on what's important to me. We do fine.

I have a boyfriend, who I see (not now) and talk to fairly relentlessly on social media. And I'm happy not living together as I get what I need out of the relationship and don't want to disrupt the kids. I have friends who I see whenever I want and don't have to arrange my life around another adult who somehow had his social life take priority over mine.

It's all good.

[Flummingbird]

I don't regret kicking him out at all but he had an affair so a bit different... I'm happy on my own, managing finances works for me etc, but it can be lonely, especially at the moment on an evening. No matter how many video calls you do with friends and family it's not the same as having someone (adult) with you.

[CodenameVillanelle]

Not for a single second

[sittingonacornflake]

Nope. It's fucking amazing. I'm so much happier. Like insanely happy. It was hard though dealing with the break up. But so worth it.

[LemonTT]

Once the physical break happens you will feel an overwhelming sense of relief and release. You won’t be aware of just how much tension and stress you are under until that happens.

There will be a new normal. Even if it just for an interim period you will both be financially worse off. And this is where you need to both be rational, realistic and practical. There are lots of unintended consequences of the rash and angry behaviour that people will recommend. But with planning and adjustment everyone will cope and everyone will be free to find new happiness

When it comes to relationships, romantic and parental, function means more than form. This has been proven. And before anyone asks, no I’m not going to provide empirical studies.

[WanderingMilly]

No, don't regret it at all. It was years ago and the children were young teens at the time, but it was the best thing I did.
I wondered whether I would manage but I did, better than I thought. And once I was doing everything myself I realised it wasn't really any different....I'd always done everything myself, worked and been responsible for the children, the housework and everything.... It was just easier without having to deal with the husband as well.
I remember feeling so free and at peace, I should have left earlier.

[lubeybooby]

nope - wasn't easy for the first year or so while I got on my feet financially but that's not the same as regret. Never shed a single tear and never looked back. I have a fantastic life now I wouldn't change a single thing.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Nope. Brought up five kids on my own rather than stick with that neglectful bugger.

It was tough. Not enough money, no extra hands to help out, no holidays or treats, but we did well enough. And I made friends for life during those times.

Kids are adult now and I live alone in my little cottage with my horrible dog and life is wonderful.

[BinkyandBunty]

Goodness no, even thinking about your question has made me feel all smug and self satisfied all over again, and it's been 3 years.

[category12]

I wasn't financially worse off, LemonTT. I was better off. A full grown adult man costs a lot.

[FourDecades]

Nope. Although he left me for OW our marriage had been dead for years.

Once l realised l could manage financially l really didn't care he left.

I made sure l set boundaries straight away that he'd have the DC EOW and half of school holidays. I also stopped doing "wife work" and didn't remind him about appointments, school trips etc.

I feel so much happier and free knowing the financial side is all within my control, how l don't have to consider anyone but my DC, plus l get more time to myself now as previous l had the DC 24/7

[BendyLikeBeckham]

nope, not for a moment. And I could have written any of the posts so far on this thread, they resonate so much.

You make your own happiness, OP. Choose it.

[snowbird]

Yes!

[SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing]

Nope. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.

[SlimGin]

No, best decision I have ever made.
Just me and DD. No new loneliness really as ExP made me feel very lonely and secluded from friends. Now I can have friends over more (pre-lockdown ofc) and can just take DD out for the day without having to wait for a man to roll out of bed at 2pm! My main worry was financial insecurity as ExP was the breadwinner (I have an 18 month old so was getting back into work). However I actually now feel more financially secure as my finances are MINE and I don't have to split with anyone, or feel unfair about who pays for what.
DD is still young so haven't had to worry about schools, but we did move to a new area not far from our old area - another thing I'm so much happier with as it's a much more family friendly and safe area.

Honestly the only downside I have to leaving him is that he is a very bitter nasty man and won't release me from him grip. Hopefully this won't last forever though.

[Humanswarm]

Not at all..I'm now at home with 5 children, working full time from home, but never, ever a regret. Is it tough, you bet...of course. But I was deeply lonely, I'm not anymore.
I'm no longer on eggshells, finances are tougher but they are mine to manage.
I don't regret a thing.

[Takethegirloutofscotland]

@puddlejuice
Thanks for this thread I needed to hear these answers
Paralysed by fear at the moment
Fear of all the things you mention
I can't let fear rule my life when so many of you say how better life can be

[Bathbedandbeyond]

I’m extremely happy.

[pointythings]

No, not for a moment. I just wish I'd done it two years earlier. The peace, the happiness, the sense of safety - it's all wonderful. Yes, in the beginning it was tough financially, but even then it was worth it.

[Squeakyjoint]

No one would truthfully admit they did regret it, even if they did! All depends on context before break up. No one lives your marriage, only you make the ultimate choices in your life.

[GiveMeStrengthOrAHobby]

Absolutely not, such peace and calm now and my son who had anger issues is calm and a completely different child