Does anyone regret ltb and becoming a single parent?

[Puddlejuice]

Just at the title really, please give me the downsides of leaving with the dc and starting over.

I'm worried about loneliness, finances, boredom, changing the dc's schools etc, but also excited about not having to live this slow crushing death by indifference.

Is it really worth leaving a relationship that's not completely awful, but certainly has its issues?

Don't regret it, never have! Was a great relief when he finally moved out I felt a massive weight lift from my shoulders. Now have a wonderful partner who adds so much to mine and the kids lives.

No regrets
Had I had to do lockdown with him I would have probably killed myself or
Gone into a profound depression

Not a Single regret

He has gone to stressing me 100% to zero

No one shouts at me now

We eat what I want , or what kids want

House is majorly decluttered without his shit everywhere

I am so much better off

And did I say NOONE SHOUTS at me
No more eggshells

Not a single moment of regret for me. Massive relief, much happier, extremely grateful I'm not doing lockdown with him.
Financially no worse off other than having extended the term on my mortgage so wont be able to retire as soon. But much better that way than living miserably not being able to raise my eyeline in my own home for fear of setting him off.

I haven’t regretted a single second. Honestly.

Nearly two decades and three kids and my only regret is staying so long

@Crikey0000 — This! The sense of relief and freedom to be in my own space with my own rules and my children during lockdown (which he would without any doubt have somehow blamed me for) is pure bliss.

It’s funny how all of us are in abusive relationships are so much happier now

I was so sacred too . Scared of his anger and scared of single parenting and work etc

Main challenge is parenting . I won’t pretend it’s easy . Two boys and one with major emotional and anger issues
BUT my ex was starting to turn his abuse
Onto him which finally forced me

I think of partner cheated it’s way harder in a different way . Heartbreak sucks big time

Even thinking about doing lockdown with that man makes
Me feel ill

Best to not think about it

Reading these stories is really helping me get the strength to ltb when lockdown is lifted. Thanks for sharing these stories

Another no regrets - life has been financially tough and workload hard at times with 3 kids....but despite the struggles, I have and will always be grateful I left an abusive bully and saved my kids from growing up thinking that was normal. As is often the way with controlling abusive types - huge fight over kids who where little more than babies at the time. In their wisdom court gave 50/50 custody despite all the evidence that it wouldn't be in the kids best interests. It was hard to see the children put under stress that was avoidable and I will never be convinced it was the right decision. However, even with all that, my kids are ultimately better off out of that half the time, they see me as I really am and get the best of me (mostly!). When times are tough I always remind myself that our life now is a million miles better than it ever was with him. Always helps me feel more motivated to keep striving. Good luck with your decision making

I've just re-read my post - to clarify. No regrets re leaving ever. Court made unwise decisions over custody and that put the kids under signifying and unnecessary stress - but even with that i don't regret leaving as kids would have been worse off with us all together and with him full time. I got to influence them more positively without him there bullying and undermining me in front of them.

Coming up to 3 years now. For the first year I thought yes and even asked him to come back (he refused because he was living with another woman. Since then I have fleeting moments of regret, but then I realise it’s not him I’m missing, it’s having a husband and a nuclear family and the way I thought my future would look. Definitely more peace since he left. And I’m more relaxed as a person now.

@puddlejuice

There seems to be a resounding consensus here, wow!
Were your marriages awful or just a bit meh?
Mine is okish, he's absolutely not a monster or abusive, and has many good points, but drinks a bit too much, and has been a shit in the past, which has caused resentment. And I flinch every time sex is mentioned....

I could have written this
My dh isn't abusive. Does have alcohol issues though . I just don't love him. I want to leave after lockdown but until then I'm going stir crazy . We argue over stupid things and it escalates to a ridiculous point. I don't want dc to have to live with parents like us

@Comps83 sorry to hear you're going through the same. How old are your dc, where will you go after lock down?
I don't even argue with DP, I'm so indifferent toward him I just don't bother.

Nope. Not for a second. Probably the best thing I have ever done.

The fear is real and I totally get the paralysis but that’s just society and patriarchy pressing down on you to do what you’re told.

My life improved immeasurably after we separated. In almost every way. And my biggest fear: that my DD would be damaged, has not come to pass.

Dc is only 4 months
I've just asked him to leave but he's refusing
I can't stand being in the same house as him
I'm trying to think of someone who might know of an empty house I can go to

He's gone now

Don't regret it for a second, just wish I'd done it a lot sooner.

No!

No I certainly do not!

So glad I left the Bastard.

But there were tough times. I struggled for money.

I felt marginalised. I felt like I represented FAILURE, ie, a single mother on benefits.

I was excluded by women in couples (at the weekend). That used to hurt, it doesn't hurt at all now.

I had childcare obstacles getting back in to the workplace.

But, I have never for a second regretted it. Any of the doubts or difficulties I had were fleeting, and could be dialogued away with reason or optimism or a financial recovery plan.

I do regret that I didn't start to heal quicker. If that makes sense. i wasted a few years seeking his blessing and approval for having left him, which obviously he never gave! He is still angry, still hates ME!
So I had physically left but not emotionally.

I feel proud of myself now. I like myself.

Yes, my regret is also not leaving sooner.

I've never been happier or more at peace with myself, seperated last Sept and he moved out this year.
Love being on my own with kids and then I get my time when they stay at his. No regrets here and I was so worried that I'd be at this stage and realise I'd made the worst mistake of my life. I haven't!!

Interested to hear from those who left a marriage that wasn't abusive but just not good??
I get the relief of leaving abusive men but how many of you left a decent man but a kind of crap relationship that just didn't fulfil you how was that??

Nope. No regrets except didn’t do it sooner.

NO!!! Best thing I ever did.

TB left me and it was honestly the best thing he could have done for me and DS. We're both very happy now and I regret not leaving him sooner. I wish I'd realised how much of a negative impact he was having on my mental health