Does anyone regret ltb and becoming a single parent?

[Puddlejuice]

Just at the title really, please give me the downsides of leaving with the dc and starting over.

I'm worried about loneliness, finances, boredom, changing the dc's schools etc, but also excited about not having to live this slow crushing death by indifference.

Is it really worth leaving a relationship that's not completely awful, but certainly has its issues?

No.

He was abusive. I hated him and I hated the person I was becoming living in that marriage.

It was really hard picking myself up and dusting myself off whilst he seemed to sail off with his girlfriend. But even at the worst point I never ever regretted divorcing the fucker.

Wish I’d never married him in the first place or had the courage to leave sooner or to report him to the police when he first hit me and left then.

But no I never regretted it and would not want that old life back.

I’m much happier and better off now, it took time to rebuild my life and to rebuild me but we are happy now thankfully.

There seems to be a resounding consensus here, wow!
Were your marriages awful or just a bit meh?
Mine is okish, he's absolutely not a monster or abusive, and has many good points, but drinks a bit too much, and has been a shit in the past, which has caused resentment. And I flinch every time sex is mentioned....

Never for a single moment. I've chosen not to have a relationship again, thats how much better being out of it is for me.

Hell no! Best thing I ever did.

The kids are happier. I'm in a lovely house. I met someone new who is kind and gentle.

We're expecting a baby together in September.

Life is a million times better.

Being a single parent isn't fantastic but I dont regret leaving my ex ....wish i had done it sooner when I was pg with ds.

I've been a single parent for 16 years, at times I haven't had 2 pennies in my purse, I've had to move twice because my landlords wanted to sell up and I couldn't get help from the council because I have pets, and when my dc were toddlers I was incredibly isolated and lonely BUT I have never ever regretted kicking the ex out....not even for a second.

Never!

My dcs are happier and more settled
I'm happier
Ex h is happier
Still have a great relationship with my ex in laws

Best decision I ever made

Not at all, I just wish I had done it sooner.

No, but there is one downside, and it's a big one, if you have an abusive ex: he'll probably end up with lots of unsupervised time with your DCs, unless he doesn't want it.

But this can be to some extent mitigated against by them seeing you calm and happy, and you educating yourself about the effects of abuse /witnessing abuse on children.

I'd argue that living in an abusive household 24/7 is worse than having a stable safe home with one parent most or part of the time. People don't successfully shield their children from what's going on living there - they think they do, but it's always there. At least living apart there's respite from it and when the dc are older they can choose how much to see the other parent.

No. I feel so happy and at peace. My life and my children's lives are so much better (we share custody but they don't have to witness the tension etc). We get on ok now too.

Sounds like you've got The Ick, OP.

Are you still having sex with him even though it repulses you? That will erode your self worth over time. Get out of this relationship and go and find someone who makes you want to rip their clothes off!

Nope. Things were meh, not horrific, not great. Six years since we split. I’ve been poorer than I could have imagined, my health has been horrendous. I had to stop training for my longed for career. I’m still happier. Wouldn’t change it for the world. I love being a single parent. I have no intention of having another relationship.

I hate the post separation abuse but love love love that he's gone.

Wouldn't change that for the world. Well, maybe make it happen sooner...

It was like a weight lifted when he went. I still feel happy when I think about it a few years later.

My marriage ended up horrendous because my H became an alcoholic after his mum died. It brought out all his mental frailties, which was fair enough, but he then refused to acknowledge that and do anything to help himself. I started divorce proceedings after he went back to lying about drinking following rehab. The relapse in drinking I would have handled; going straight back to lying and hiding bottles I refused to accept.

We struggled on for 3 months after that with him still living at home, procrastinating about finding a place to live in, drinking more and more and talking about suicide and finally threatening to kill me - at that point I called the police, had him removed and never allowed him back.

It was a very sad situation, but the day after he moved out the house felt lighter. Our lives got better and better; he carried on drinking, lost his job and 8 months after moving out died of heart disease.

Not for a moment. Only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

I do regret it yes. It depends how bad it is and whether you can fix it. I left two years ago so I think I'm feeling down about it as the anniversary comes around. I miss the happy times I can't seem to remember the bad bits. Go for some counselling before you make any decisions.

I don’t regret it for a second, and my breakup is relatively new, split in October he moved out in February. The worst bit was before we broke up and the anguish of whether i was doing the right thing. But I can honestly say that even during lockdown I’m less lonely being alone with three kids than I would have been stuck with him. All the frustration and the resentment that builds up when in an unhappy relationship is like a ton of bricks, when it ended I could literally feel the weight lift away.....

No, although it was no picnic to begin with, and honestly I sometimes miss the intimacy of having that close a relationship with someone (even if he was a tit).

I wouldn't change my decision for a moment though.

To be honest I have felt nothing but relief since I asked him to leave last year.

I don't miss his alcoholism, I don't miss his weed addiction, I don't miss his permanent bad moods, I don't miss his financial abuse, I don't miss him eating the chocolate and biscuits I bought for the kids, I don't miss his messaging woman behind my back, I don't miss his lying, I don't miss his thieving, I don't miss his headfucking mind games, I don't miss him turning every conversation (about anything and everything) into him talking about himself, I don't miss him using all the fucking toilet roll as his drinking turned his bowels rotten and I certainly don't miss walking on eggshells, dreading hearing him come home from work, wondering what kind of mood he was in.

All he is to me now is a sad, abusive, manipulative, friendless, self-absorbed, pathetic, middle aged fun sponge that I once loved.

Our home is happy, peaceful and a safe place once again.

I miss fuck all.

Interesting thread

No. I fact, now that DD is video calling her dad quite frequently because of lockdown. I thank fuck every. Single .day that I don't have to put up with him!

My life improved 100% overnight when I kicked him out - emotionally, financially, every way.

No, never. Things aren’t always easy as a single parent but SO much better than being in a loveless relationship. I love being on my own!