Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Does anyone regret ltb and becoming a single parent?

139 replies

Puddlejuice · 28/04/2020 10:48

Just at the title really, please give me the downsides of leaving with the dc and starting over.

I'm worried about loneliness, finances, boredom, changing the dc's schools etc, but also excited about not having to live this slow crushing death by indifference.

Is it really worth leaving a relationship that's not completely awful, but certainly has its issues?

OP posts:

RideLikeTheWindBullseye · 29/04/2020 20:49

No!! Best thing I ever did!

Techway · 29/04/2020 21:01

Divorce can be horrible but that depends on how your H reacts. It is a signifcant life event so will be stressful but usually it works out fine.
How do you feel about him meeting someone else?

If your H adds little to your life and drains you then you won't regret separating. However if your unhappiness is related to external or your circumstances then you may regret it.

Counselling may be a good next step as well as journaling. It was through counselling and looking back on so many periods of unhappiness that made me realise how abusive my marriage was.

I regret needing to end my marriage but am pleased I had the confidence to leave.

everythingbackbutyou · 29/04/2020 21:17

To answer your other question, OP, he was very emotionally abusive

Voxx · 29/04/2020 21:27

Nope, never.

Marriage was fucking dreadful though so the only way to go was up.

PumpkinP · 29/04/2020 22:22

Yes, I do. I agree with a p p though that not many will admit it. He left me though so a bit different

RainMinusBow · 29/04/2020 22:28

Some days, yes. He was awarded 50/50 of our two young boys and is now trying to get further custody because I am pregnant with fiancé's baby. Also still renting years on whilst he remains in the huge former marital home. He was an horrific abuser but still continues to abuse because of his anger - both myself and the kids are very much damaged by it all.

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 29/04/2020 23:29

My sister is one that would say she regrets it, but then she was a single parent from the start.

I think you'd be hard pushed to find many that regret leaving a shitty partner. Plenty will regret a bad outcome wrt child arrangements or divorce settlements

SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing · 29/04/2020 23:30

Rain - how old are your kids?

RainMinusBow · 30/04/2020 01:40

@SomeHalfHumanCreatureThing They're almost 10 and 12.5 now. When courts awarded 50/50 they were just 3 and 6 and I had been primary carer up until that point. Of course no maintenance due from (very wealthy) ex or anything like that so not only hugely emotionally difficult, but also financially extremely hard too. It still is six years on.

RainMinusBow · 30/04/2020 01:43

And bear in mind too that ex was/is such a cruel narcissist that the consequences of his anger towards me leaving him have been unbelievable.
I'm sure thankfully this isn't the case for most ex partners.

madcatladyforever · 30/04/2020 06:54

30 years later I don't regret it.
I shudder to think what my life would be like if I'd stayed.

JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown · 30/04/2020 06:58

No. Not once. It's been hard financially but well worth the price. My life is so much less stressful. My DS coped with the split just fine and has a good relationship with both of us.
I'm only sorry I didn't do it earlier.

Scott72 · 30/04/2020 08:49

There's a saying that “the two happiest days in a sailors life are the day he buys his boat, and the day he sells it.” It sounds like the same thing applies with women and husbands.

CayrolBaaaskin · 30/04/2020 12:21

My relationship was meh but similar to you op ex drank too much and I had the ick re physical contact. I don’t regret leaving at all there was no future in it and it was making me miserable. Much happier on my own.

We are still friends and coparent fine.

MsReturntoLife · 30/04/2020 15:45

I have never had any regrets about getting my ex h to leave my house. I was the only person who was earning money but he tried to shove the male supremacy bit which I was not about to take.
The courts were satisfied with the reasons for divorce and so it was granted. There was another court order about him not seeing my DC, some were my own DC from a previous relationship and some were joint. He was not allowed to see any of them.
He didn't pay maintenance - surprise, surprise!
Many years later he re-appeared telling the "D"C great tales of a very different life than it was in reality. I don't want him around me. He was persistent, or maybe it was some of the DC. If certain DC was visiting my house, he would be along with that DC.
I really wish I was not so polite.
Don't hesitate on being a single parent it is a whole load better than dragging a load of sh!te around with you.

category12 · 30/04/2020 17:09

Scott72

MNnicknameforCVthreads · 30/04/2020 21:02

I don’t think you’ll get many people saying they do regret it. But I bet there are some.

I am sort of staying in my marriage out of fear of future regret. My main reasons being I have MH issues and an SEN child. Basicall I wouldn’t cope

longtimecomin · 30/04/2020 21:42

I kicked him out end of feb, felt really good but it's hard doing EVERYTHING. Like putting bins out, all washing ironing cleaning plus I'm working full time from home with both kids during lockdown and my house is a tip at the end of everyday. Still I feel peace in my heart which makes it all worthwhile.

Accingo · 30/04/2020 22:28

@Lallanala
I don’t regret it for a second, and my breakup is relatively new, split in October he moved out in February. The worst bit was before we broke up and the anguish of whether i was doing the right thing. But I can honestly say that even during lockdown I’m less lonely being alone with three kids than I would have been stuck with him. All the frustration and the resentment that builds up when in an unhappy relationship is like a ton of bricks, when it ended I could literally feel the weight lift away.....

I could have written this post.

I filed for divorce straight away and the Decree Nisi was granted today all I felt was relief.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 30/04/2020 23:59

Absolutely not. It's hard with 2 children but I like to manage my own life and money. I am 100% financially better off without him

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/05/2020 02:48

Only regret not doing it sooner....

I do hope you're not the same poster who is with the "kind and gentle" serial cheating steroid abuser @LatteLover12

Nat6999 · 01/05/2020 03:09

No never for one second. The only thing I regret is marrying him in the first place. I look at him now & think wtf was I thinking when I agreed to marry you?

RantyAnty · 01/05/2020 06:21

No, not at all.
After awhile I realised he brought almost nothing to the marriage.

LatteLover12 · 01/05/2020 07:21

Absolutely not @closetbeanmuncher thankfully I'm with a genuinely decent man. It can happen OP!

763freedom · 01/05/2020 07:32

No. I wish I had done it sooner.
I am becoming the person I wanted to be and my life has improved so much. I still have to see him / speak to him because we have children together but I have no regrets at all. Life is too short x

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6