Does anyone regret ltb and becoming a single parent?

[Puddlejuice]

Just at the title really, please give me the downsides of leaving with the dc and starting over.

I'm worried about loneliness, finances, boredom, changing the dc's schools etc, but also excited about not having to live this slow crushing death by indifference.

Is it really worth leaving a relationship that's not completely awful, but certainly has its issues?

I know I would be fine living alone as I do everything practical in the house anyway - there is nothing that I would have to cope with learning how to do if he wasn’t here. I’m not worried about money either as my parents know he doesn’t like me and think they would help me out so they could see me not with someone who doesn’t value me.

Surely it would be for the best for both of you if you split, if he doesn't like you?

Yes it would be, but he would never agree to leave them and live apart from them. He is besotted with them and they adore him too. All their friends love him too as he is fun and loves games and stuff. I think his massive love and affection for them just really emphasizes that none of it is towards me.

But you could have a shared care agreement of some sort. It's not healthy for them to grow up with this sort of relationship model.

I know, my parents had the same relationship! Apart from the fact my dad was quite unemotional.

You deserve more out of life.

Thank you x

No downsides. Freeeeeeeedom!

I couldn’t live apart from the kids though, even for the weekend. They are all I have

My marriage was not bad, we were friends, had good communication but someway along the line I became his mother, he was travelling a lot and spending all his free time on holidays, while I had to put myself ALWAYS on the back burner to keep up with the house and deal with DS. Eventually we fell out of love and we decided to part when we got to the point where we started resenting each other presence.

We were very well off and after the years after the split has been a struggle, he also stop seeing his child after he met someone who didn’t like to have DS around so that was very difficult but I do not regret it a bit as he was already becoming an absent parent in the last years we were together.

I have been happier than at any time in my life, being a single mum is a VERY empowering experience, you learn you can do everything (possibly because there is no other option) and become closer to your kids.

But it is not all about me DS has been spared of living in a toxic environment (we were already heading there) and although the contact stopped, I was surprised to see how much happier DS was after he was not being felt a mess and neglected when he visited his dad every other weekend.
It is not the ideal but it is the lesser of two evils.

No one would truthfully admit they did regret it, even if they did!

ErM, in my experience it is far more difficult to admit you are much happier, people start judging you and try to find reasons not to believe you or make you feel you should have tried to save the marriage for longer even if they don’t have a clue about how bad things were.

You get used to it. I thought I never would, but actually I've come to terms with it and even enjoy my time. And at a certain point you need to have more in your life than the dc - they grow up, they get their own lives, and that's the aim, isn't it? But where will that leave you? With a man who doesn't like you?

I'm two years down the line and I don't regret it.

Life isn't as rosy as I imagined it would be though.

I got it in my head that he hated me, he must have to treat me that way.. but he isn't over it. Not even now and his sadness makes me feel guilty every day.

I'm free of him but guilt consumes me. I'm still grieving for the family I dreamed of having.

Not for a minute, not even in lockdown alone with a 2 and 4 year old. Its hard, but living with him was far worse.

Financially I am better off now, as I work and have my own money, plus help with childcare costs from universal credit.

It can be lonely, but id rather be alone than with soneone i didnt like, and in my case who wasnt very nice.

I also LOVE the autonomy i have regained. Some control over my own life instead of marching to the beat of a selfish, lazy mans drum.

No no no no. There is no downside for me. I also dont have the guilt of raising the kids in a toxic home to weigh me down.

@Stabbitha - grief is a good word. I almost feel like I am grieving already for what I thought we would have and going along just makes me feel even worse. However, it’s his relationship with the kids that is the tricky part. He would never want to be apart from them. I have felt so much closer to the kids since lockdown, really feel like I know them all more as little people. DH and I never felt so far apart ☹️