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I think my partner has joined a gay man's pick up site

(123 Posts)
CatsnRabbits Fri 08-Nov-19 14:27:26

Just that really - I feel sick... I've just gone on the computer and his email was open, he has received a message from a site called fabguys. I'm at home today and picking our daughter up soon, he will be home at 5.30. I don't know what to do.

UnicornsExist Fri 08-Nov-19 14:35:26

Screenshot everything. Then find any financial information you need re bank accounts etc. You are going to have to confront him and I'm guessing that this is something that you aren't prepared to accept. flowers

Miniloso Fri 08-Nov-19 14:37:24

Yup Fab Guys is the gay sister site to Fab Swingers.

RLEOM Fri 08-Nov-19 14:38:09

Has he ever shown any gay tendencies, including not giving you attention towards your womanly attributes? Definitely gather your evidence.

It might be that he's bi or bi curious?

Miniloso Fri 08-Nov-19 14:38:37

If you put the email address into the log on for Fab Guys you can reset the password... and see what he’s been up to.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 08-Nov-19 14:38:44

What did the message say?

Miniloso Fri 08-Nov-19 14:39:23

Given you have access to his email you can do this easily...

Honeybee85 Fri 08-Nov-19 14:39:42

So sorry OP.
That must feel horrible. As @Unicornsexist says, make screenshots of everything. It must be tempting to believe him if he says it was all a misunderstanding as the truth is so shocking.

I really don’t know what to advice you, other then to prepare yourself for what must be a very difficult time and please go to your GP for STD test. Stay strong 💪

PollyShelby Fri 08-Nov-19 14:40:39

Reset his password.

mindutopia Fri 08-Nov-19 14:42:47

Is it an actual website he has signed up for or spam? Because I get emails about gay dating sites all the time - and I am definitely not a man or gay or signing up for anything.

CatsnRabbits Fri 08-Nov-19 14:43:05

I've taken a picture of the screen. I'm totally shocked, no I'm not prepared to accept it.

CatsnRabbits Fri 08-Nov-19 14:46:00

The message hasn't been opened but I can see that he has received a wink from another user. I've signed myself up to fabguys and searched for the username of the person who winked. They are very local to us. I don't think it's spam.

Tesbel Fri 08-Nov-19 14:58:38

You can open the email then once you have looked at it mark it unread again.. so sorry op that's a horrible situation to be in 💐

GoodJobSteve Fri 08-Nov-19 15:00:08

Any chance he has a friend who's signed him up for this as a 'prank'?

Coolwinter Fri 08-Nov-19 15:03:23

You do need to investigate a bit - open email then mark unread, go on site etc. as if he denies it how will you ever know?

Sorry it’s awful.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 08-Nov-19 15:08:36

Sorry you've discovered this. It does sound like he has signed up.

You need to talk to him about this. Just show him the photo of the screen and ask him to explain.

He may tell you that he was just 'curious' and hasn't actually done anything, but I very much doubt that.

Can you find him on the site? What a horrible way to find out. Sorry.

forumdonkey Fri 08-Nov-19 16:08:10

Open the message and delete it. What does it matter if you do? I doubt he'll ask if you've deleted his message on fabguys.

forumdonkey Fri 08-Nov-19 16:09:32

Also he might not be aware he's even got a message, so he'll probably never know.

Ilovelala Fri 08-Nov-19 16:25:54

Im sorry this is happening. Reset the password log in to the account and see what he has been doing.

Fuckenstein Fri 08-Nov-19 16:29:44

If you go into the site and put his email address in his password might be saved, if not just get a password reset sent to his email. You need to know the truth of this one.

CatsnRabbits Fri 08-Nov-19 16:30:05

I've found him on the site. I'm at home with my daughter and I don't know how to deal with this. I'm really scared.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 08-Nov-19 16:34:56

Open the message and read it, at this point why wouldn't you? Confirm what you already know and then tell him to get out. I fail to see why a big discussion is even needed.

Squiggleness Fri 08-Nov-19 16:34:57

Oh my god you poor thing thankshas he put a photo up or have you just found his email address? I would hack into his account by whatever means possible before you confront him and he has a chance to cover tracks. Now that you know, you really need to know everything xxx

YouJustDoYou Fri 08-Nov-19 16:35:40

I'm so sorry op. Be prepared for the usual "my mate signed me up for a laugh/it's spam/I've been hacked" cliched well used responses. Also be prepared that you may never find out more - or that it may all come out. He'll probably lie lie deny, but you'll never unsee and never unknow what he's deliberately gone and done behind your back.

CantstandmLMs Fri 08-Nov-19 16:38:51

Bless you, A family member of mine had to deal with this too when I was a teenager I actually found the sites but I kept it to myself and de compartmentalised it all. It later came out anyway. Was traumatic for all.

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