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I need to get my head around this.

(383 Posts)
Likesugarandcyanide Tue 07-Nov-17 09:06:21

I had a thread a few months ago about his affair with a woman he met at sports club. I dont know how to link, sorry.

Sorry if this is long and disjointed but I found out last night that OW works in my ds 2’s school. He never told me who she was, when I asked he said “just someone I met at * club, its not important”.

Over the last few months we have worked out how to keep things amicable, sort of settled into a routine where he comes here Sat/Sun and looks after them during the day to give me a break. Dd and ds 2 both have significant disabilities and health issues so it is the only break I get as dd is unable to attend school and tutored at home.

Yesterday evening ds 1 had a careers talk at school that I took him to. He was here looking after dd and ds 2. When we got back dd was very quiet and anxious, he left immediately saying very little.

As soon as he left dd broke down and said OW had been here, she needed his keys apparently and he let her come in and got them for her. Dd recognised her immediately as did ds2 because she works in the special school he attends. He told her not to mention anything to me but I think he left so quickly because he knew she would.

This woman sees me regularly, she’s chatted to me at school events over the last few months and all the time I had no idea that she is the OW. We went to a fundraising event in September and she was chatting away to my children while the family support worker was with us asking me how I was feeling. School have been very supportive, ds 2 reacted very badly to us separating and his behaviour deteriorated significantly.

I feel totally betrayed, I don’t know how either of them felt it was ok for me not to know. She has been so sweet and friendly, asking about me and all the children when I see her and all the time I didn’t know. She even knows where we live and came when she knew I wasn’t there. I’m wondering if lots of people in school know and I’m the idiot that has been in the dark. I walk into that building three afternoons a week to pick up ds and had no idea.

I had been adamant that they were not to be introduced to the OW yet, he has been pushing for it and kept saying things like “I’m hoping we can all be friends, you’ll like her”. When all the time he was hiding this.

I don't want her in my house, I don't want her near my children yet. Its only been a few months since they screwed up our lives. I want to ring the school and tell them to keep her to hell away from my son. There are pictures on the school website of them together doing a sports activity a few weeks ago and all the time she knew and he knew that they were making a fucking fool of me.

I've tried to be fair, I didn’t stop him taking lots of stuff from here to set up his new place. I haven’t argued when he pays less money for his children as he says his flat is too expensive. I feel like he has been playing me the whole time. He didnt want me seeing a solicitor, said we could arrange things ourselves to keep things amicable and all the time he’s been hiding this. I am such a fool 😞

MadMags Tue 07-Nov-17 09:09:26

Omg, pair of scumbags.

You get to a solicitor and get your kids' money!! He only wants to keep solicitors out of it so he can screw you over.

Utter bastard. I'm fuming for you.

Tell everyone!

Likesugarandcyanide Tue 07-Nov-17 09:18:20

I feel like I’m right back at the beginning again. Over the last few weeks I was beginning to feel a bit happier. We were starting to have fun and plan things for christmas and I wasn’t finding it as hard.

8pawsgood Tue 07-Nov-17 09:38:25

I hope you don't mind me commenting...You're not a fool. Now is the time to protect your family and push any leniency towards your ex aside. Legal advice, changing locks, structured access..Personally, I would be making an appt to see the School the School are aware of your change of family circumstances and have seen how it has affected your child they should be more than interested in the co-root of the cause. I think from an emotional safeguarding point of view she should not have any dealings with your child..she may even be encouraged to take a leave of absence whilst the dust settles.. especially given the web of deceit the pair of them have spun. I feel for you but the cards are all on the table now and TODAY is a new day for you and your children...

TammyswansonTwo Tue 07-Nov-17 09:43:10

How fucking dare they, honestly. This is unacceptable.

Get yourself booked in with a solicitor. Call now. Do not feel embarrassed - it is them who should be embarrassed.

Myheartbelongsto Tue 07-Nov-17 09:49:13

I would be fucking livid op! How dare she come into your home, how dare he allow it!

They are a pair of absolute cunts.

Get angry and then channel all of that into getting the best bottom line for you and your children.

Solicitors from here on in.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Tue 07-Nov-17 09:53:41

Oh he is a piece of fucking shit!! How dare he bring her to your house, where you children are and then tell them to LIE about it to you! He is a bastard. As is she for coming. I can not believe she didn’t have the decency months ago to tell you who she was!! angry I am so angry for you OP!

Likesugarandcyanide Tue 07-Nov-17 09:53:48

I have to pick my son up at 11 am for an appointment and then take him back. I’ve phoned a friend who is going to come with me because the thought of seeing her makes me shake. I wanted to keep him off but he struggles enough with routine changes.

I’m going to ring a solicitor this afternoon and make an appointment asap. I cried all night but this morning I feel angry. He has fucked up our lives so much, he tries to blame me saying he felt neglected and unloved but every piece of shit he creates I am the one who has to help the children through. He doesn’t put them first, he has always come first and just when we were getting better he’s fucked us all up again.

Sorry if I dont reply for a while. I need to get going for this appointment.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried Tue 07-Nov-17 09:56:00

I want to ring the school and tell them to keep her to hell away from my son.

In this case that would actually be appropriate. She has caused significant trauma to your son that has affected his behaviour and his schooling. She shouldn’t be allowed to be near him at all.

Bertsfriend Tue 07-Nov-17 10:02:32

Jeez op, that's unforgivable. Agree with pps about going to a solicitor - the gloves are off now. They have acted as though you're just some irrelevant obstacle in their affair, it's time to up your game for your children's sake. Tell the school head too, this puts your son in a really really difficult situation and his support workers and teachers need to know why.

Annabelle4 Tue 07-Nov-17 10:05:40

What a pair of scumbags sad

Likesugarandcyanide Tue 07-Nov-17 10:08:17

I have just sent a quick email to the head to ask for an urgent meeting and saying what has happened. I am hoping he will be sympathetic and I asked that she be banned from approaching me or ds2.

Now I really do have to run, I will come back later.

Appuskidu Tue 07-Nov-17 10:08:26

Make an appointment to see the school head. Then see a solicitor.

cherrycola2004 Tue 07-Nov-17 10:24:57

What absolute c**ts, both of them.

Def solicitor.


SandyY2K Tue 07-Nov-17 10:28:26

Well done for contacting the school.

Tugtupite Tue 07-Nov-17 10:35:15

flowers for you OP, well done on contacting the school and I hope you get a shit hot lawyer and take that fucker to the cleaners. Your poor kids too sad

ravenmum Tue 07-Nov-17 10:40:20

I haven’t argued when he pays less money for his children as he says his flat is too expensive. I feel like he has been playing me the whole time. He didnt want me seeing a solicitor, said we could arrange things ourselves to keep things amicable
I know this situation is shit, but at least now you know wtf is going on. Frankly, more anger is probably a good thing if it helps you stop trying to be fair and start thinking about yourself more. You really do not need to be thinking about him. He's doing that for both of you.

SleepFreeZone Tue 07-Nov-17 10:40:31

I'm glad you contacted the head. I would have done that too as it's going to cause lots of problems in the future with you and your DC

Ineedmorelemonpledge Tue 07-Nov-17 10:45:13

So sorry OP this is just awful for you and your DCs. What club did they meet at - the cheating devious bastard one? hmm

Can’t even believe she had the audacity to turn up at your house and he had the audacity to let her in. Speechless...

Your not a fool he’s been manipulating the situation for his own gains, disgusting pig of a man. Think on yourselves now. Solicitor all the way and no more contact with him directly regarding the divorce.

Hope the school meeting goes well. I can’t think of a single person that wouldn’t find this behaviour abhorrent. No one will be thinking anything badly of you.


MerryMarigold Tue 07-Nov-17 10:55:01

That's just deception on a whole other level, the talking and chatting to you. Your poor, poor ds2. And dd being asked to lie. It's great toy have a relationship where she felt able to be honest. You sound like an amazing Mum.

MadMags Tue 07-Nov-17 11:01:31

I'm glad you're angry. That'll give you the fire in your belly that you need.

I hope the head fires her arse for inappropriate conduct.

PastaOfMuppets Tue 07-Nov-17 11:19:49

Holy shit, unbelievable.

Channel your rage.


PastaOfMuppets Tue 07-Nov-17 11:19:50

Holy shit, unbelievable.

Channel your rage.


PastaOfMuppets Tue 07-Nov-17 11:20:55

Oops, sorry for double post!

GloriousGoosebumps Tue 07-Nov-17 13:59:32

I'm so pleased that you are making an appointment with a solicitor. Given that the OW is employed by your son's school and has used her position within your son's school to manoeuver herself into a position where she has a close up view of the disruption she (and your h) have wreaked on the family, which presumably gave her some pleasure. She's been quite unprofessional. I would make a formal complaint about her. It's quite sadistic behaviour really.

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