I need to get my head around this.

[Likesugarandcyanide]

I had a thread a few months ago about his affair with a woman he met at sports club. I dont know how to link, sorry.

Sorry if this is long and disjointed but I found out last night that OW works in my ds 2’s school. He never told me who she was, when I asked he said “just someone I met at * club, its not important”.

Over the last few months we have worked out how to keep things amicable, sort of settled into a routine where he comes here Sat/Sun and looks after them during the day to give me a break. Dd and ds 2 both have significant disabilities and health issues so it is the only break I get as dd is unable to attend school and tutored at home.

Yesterday evening ds 1 had a careers talk at school that I took him to. He was here looking after dd and ds 2. When we got back dd was very quiet and anxious, he left immediately saying very little.

As soon as he left dd broke down and said OW had been here, she needed his keys apparently and he let her come in and got them for her. Dd recognised her immediately as did ds2 because she works in the special school he attends. He told her not to mention anything to me but I think he left so quickly because he knew she would.

This woman sees me regularly, she’s chatted to me at school events over the last few months and all the time I had no idea that she is the OW. We went to a fundraising event in September and she was chatting away to my children while the family support worker was with us asking me how I was feeling. School have been very supportive, ds 2 reacted very badly to us separating and his behaviour deteriorated significantly.

I feel totally betrayed, I don’t know how either of them felt it was ok for me not to know. She has been so sweet and friendly, asking about me and all the children when I see her and all the time I didn’t know. She even knows where we live and came when she knew I wasn’t there. I’m wondering if lots of people in school know and I’m the idiot that has been in the dark. I walk into that building three afternoons a week to pick up ds and had no idea.

I had been adamant that they were not to be introduced to the OW yet, he has been pushing for it and kept saying things like “I’m hoping we can all be friends, you’ll like her”. When all the time he was hiding this.

I don't want her in my house, I don't want her near my children yet. Its only been a few months since they screwed up our lives. I want to ring the school and tell them to keep her to hell away from my son. There are pictures on the school website of them together doing a sports activity a few weeks ago and all the time she knew and he knew that they were making a fucking fool of me.

I've tried to be fair, I didn’t stop him taking lots of stuff from here to set up his new place. I haven’t argued when he pays less money for his children as he says his flat is too expensive. I feel like he has been playing me the whole time. He didnt want me seeing a solicitor, said we could arrange things ourselves to keep things amicable and all the time he’s been hiding this. I am such a fool 😞

Sorry i will read all your replies but I wanted to update. On my way to pick up ds2 the head rang. My friend spoke to him (I was driving), gave him an outline of what happened last night and told him he needed to be available to see us when we dropped ds back.

When we went back both he and the family support woman took us in. School had no idea of the situation, he says he will be investigating as it breaks rules and is ‘against protocol’. I think that’s the term he used.

They were very kind, he agreed that her talking to me and my children whilst knowing I was unaware that she is the OW is unprofessional and assured me that she will be kept away from my son from today.

The family support woman kept assuring me that she had no idea this was happening and that most staff are not aware of our personal details as most of it is kept confidential.

I didn’t actually say much, I was trying to keep myself together but my friend was fantastic. She handled it all and asked quite a few questions that I wouldn’t have thought of.

It’s been left that school will be investigating and the management team will be informed - whatever that means. They said they will keep in touch to let me know the outcome. They have also arranged that I can wait in the car park when I pick up ds2 and he will be brought out by a classroom assistant or teacher.

Thank you all so much for your support, I will read all your replies as soon as I get to sit down properly with a cuppa.

Fucking hell! That is so so so low of both him and her to not tell you.
Dispicable people!

School sound they are going to handle it well. I’m glad they treated you gently and showed kindness and understanding. Utterly lower than low behaviour from the other two!

I found out my partner had been having an affair with his "friend" and work colleague - for 4 years. One of the most painful things was that they had a business idea/plan and my partner had asked us to put money into it. When I found out I made them both suffer - I saw no good for me in being 'dignified' - 'they' don't face the full consequences of their shitty decision when the wronged partner plays the tory wife. I never told her partner - but I threatened many times. I made a god awful noise, as much as I could without burning everything - his job, her job, her marriage. If my kids had been involved the way yours are, that would be different - I'd get her the sack. "you'd like her" - jesus christ.

Well done. That's massively unprofessional of her, I'm so glad the school are helping you. She may yet lose her job..I hope your Husband was worth it..(no disrespect to you or your family)..I bet you feel 10ft tall...x

Surely that is gross misconduct on her part?

Well she must have been called in because he arrived here, let himself in and started shouting about how I am being vindictive and ruining her life. How she is well repected and I have no right to slag her off to the school. How I’m jealous because I want him and can’t have him.

Then he realised that my friend was still here and immediately changed tactic, telling me “I understand you might be upset but lets sort this out without anyone getting into trouble, come on, I know you can be reasonable about this”.

I’m ashamed to say I completely lost it. I don’t know half of what I said but I just sort of got everything out of my system. I have told him I am seeing a solicitor and that he is not allowed in my house. I have taken his keys, tbh it’s annoyed me for months that he still just lets himself in. I called him and her a few choice names and then my friend told him she would phone the police if he didn’t leave.

I felt really bad that dd and ds1 were in the house, I apologised to them for losing it. They were quite funny actually, “Go mum, you tell him” & “you should have done it months ago” were a couple of the things they said.

Tellingly ds1 also said to him, “thanks Dad, over the last few weeks you’ve taught me a lot about how to cheat, lie and screw everyone over. Great example of the person I don’t want to be.”

We are all just sitting cuddling and talking. I am so glad ds2 wasn’t here, it would all be so confusing for him. I did yell something about him not caring about the effects of this on his children, especially her sucking up to them, being all friendly when she’s the reason their lives have fallen apart.

I may have called her a two faced tramp 😳
I may have told him I wouldn’t want him back if my life depended on it.
I may have told him I hope his life is misery from this day.
I may have threatened to tell everyone we know just what a complete bastard he is.

I actually feel a bit better, angry and bitter but I’ve got a lot off my chest.

Wow OP!!! Amazing update tonight!!!! I bet you feel much stronger!

Stay angry and get to a solicitor!

I don't blame you OP.

What a bastard he is and what a two faced bitch she is.

Well done, he deserved all that and more. Your son sounds ace.

Look after yourself as the adrenalin wears off and don't feel ashamed, you have the right to feel angry and bitter.

She is an unprofessional two faced tramp and he is a cunt.

Well done OP.

Your friend and your DC sound awesome.

The pair of them are cunts. Well done OP, I'm glad the school are handling it so well,

Dd and ds1 both say they don’t want to see him at the moment. I have said they can make up their own minds.

I feel slightly guilty because when he left I persuaded them to keep seeing him even though they weren’t very keen. I felt it was the right thing to do, that I needed to be neutral and support their relationship but they now say they didn’t want to upset me by breaking contact.

Lesson learned, from now on I don’t care if he doesn’t get to see them. It’s their choice.

I am so glad your friend was there to witness his bullying, entitled behaviour OP, and at least it's out in the open now - thanks to his utter twatishness and lack of concern for the DC.

Good you 'lost it'. You had every right to. Your DC sound amazing and luckily 'get it'. You'll all be fine. I hope that stupid woman gets the book thrown at her. Ridiculous and selfish behaviour coming to your home like that

What a horrific situation. I've been through similar and empathise completely. You now know that he isn't your friend, and it will make it easier for you to be businesslike and resolute. I would not hold back regarding ow. She has been both unprofessional and cruel, not deserving of any kindness or consideration from you.

I am sitting here going over it in my head and I can’t quite believe it is real. I just don’t understand how he could possibly think it was acceptable to treat us like this.

I don’t understand how she could come over and speak to us being all friendly, she joked with me about me having my hands full with three children. 😡

I'm shocked people would behave like that. Angry with you for disturbing her life! They upended your family, and behaved inappropriately for her role, but they are angry with you?!

They are both utter scumbags and you should tell EVERYONE what they have done. All your friends and family, other parents at the school, EVERYONE. The fucking bare-faced cheek of them. I’d say even if she isn’t sacked her position will be untenable once the staff and parents know. And take him for every penny you can get - he’d no intention of treating you and his children fairly and since his behaviour means they don’t want to see him you’ll need money for respite care etc.
How can people be so cruel?

I started off reading this thread being utterly fuming for you. After reading your last few replies I’ve been cheering you on

Well done OP

I'm delighted you gave him what for!

Do tell everyone. Why the fuck should you protect him??

Very few people know exactly what happened, why we separated. I haven’t told more than close friends but I think I may have a chat with a couple of parents at the school. I don’t want her behaviour brushed under the carpet, people should know what they are both really like.

Ds2’s school transport lady is a bit of a gossip, I may well warn her just in case his behaviour changes.

I can't imagine being so brazen as to come over for a friendly chat while sleeping with your husband and destroying your marriage.

But then again...I couldn't imagine sleeping with another woman's husband at all.

It just shows what kind of a person she is.

I’ve just read your other thread and now I’m even angrier! What kind of husband and father takes up an all consuming hobby when his children need so much care? The OW deserves him, selfish prick.

I can't imagine being so brazen as to come over for a friendly chat while sleeping with your husband and destroying your marriage. But then again...I couldn't imagine sleeping with another woman's husband at all. It just shows what kind of a person she is

^^
Good for you OP for getting rightfully angry!

What a fabulous friend you have!

Looking back now I can see our life was always about him. What he wanted to do, wanted to buy. The last few weeks I have actually said that my life is easier without him living here.

It is hard with two children with disabilities but we are more relaxed at home. I dont panic aboutt the place being a little untidy - he used to moan if it wasn’t spotless when he got home. Actually it is a lot tidier anyway as he used to just drop stuff everywhere.

When i think about how he tried to make me feel guilty about him feeling neglected, he never tried to help me with the stress of caring and was barely here by the end. Really I want to punch him and i am not a violent person.