I need to get my head around this.

[Likesugarandcyanide]

I had a thread a few months ago about his affair with a woman he met at sports club. I dont know how to link, sorry.

Sorry if this is long and disjointed but I found out last night that OW works in my ds 2’s school. He never told me who she was, when I asked he said “just someone I met at * club, its not important”.

Over the last few months we have worked out how to keep things amicable, sort of settled into a routine where he comes here Sat/Sun and looks after them during the day to give me a break. Dd and ds 2 both have significant disabilities and health issues so it is the only break I get as dd is unable to attend school and tutored at home.

Yesterday evening ds 1 had a careers talk at school that I took him to. He was here looking after dd and ds 2. When we got back dd was very quiet and anxious, he left immediately saying very little.

As soon as he left dd broke down and said OW had been here, she needed his keys apparently and he let her come in and got them for her. Dd recognised her immediately as did ds2 because she works in the special school he attends. He told her not to mention anything to me but I think he left so quickly because he knew she would.

This woman sees me regularly, she’s chatted to me at school events over the last few months and all the time I had no idea that she is the OW. We went to a fundraising event in September and she was chatting away to my children while the family support worker was with us asking me how I was feeling. School have been very supportive, ds 2 reacted very badly to us separating and his behaviour deteriorated significantly.

I feel totally betrayed, I don’t know how either of them felt it was ok for me not to know. She has been so sweet and friendly, asking about me and all the children when I see her and all the time I didn’t know. She even knows where we live and came when she knew I wasn’t there. I’m wondering if lots of people in school know and I’m the idiot that has been in the dark. I walk into that building three afternoons a week to pick up ds and had no idea.

I had been adamant that they were not to be introduced to the OW yet, he has been pushing for it and kept saying things like “I’m hoping we can all be friends, you’ll like her”. When all the time he was hiding this.

I don't want her in my house, I don't want her near my children yet. Its only been a few months since they screwed up our lives. I want to ring the school and tell them to keep her to hell away from my son. There are pictures on the school website of them together doing a sports activity a few weeks ago and all the time she knew and he knew that they were making a fucking fool of me.

I've tried to be fair, I didn’t stop him taking lots of stuff from here to set up his new place. I haven’t argued when he pays less money for his children as he says his flat is too expensive. I feel like he has been playing me the whole time. He didnt want me seeing a solicitor, said we could arrange things ourselves to keep things amicable and all the time he’s been hiding this. I am such a fool 😞

I am so lucky with my friends - both her and her husband have been wonderful. They helped me with finances, helped me work out that I could claim benefits. He picks up ds2 one evening a week from after school club and takes him to kfc for their “boys together” treat as he works beside his school on a Tuesday and it saves me doing the late pick up.

They were originally ex’s friends, I expected to lose them but they have cut ties with him and I am so grateful for them.

That’s so lovely to hear. Kindness is the most underrated virtue.

The bloody barefaced cheek of the woman. I know you lost the plot with him but I don't know how you have managed to say nothing to her. I'd have been raging and outing the slapper from the rooftops. And can I just say, go you and go your DC's - they are superstars!

Wow. Outrageous behaviour.

I'm glad you went off on him. Long overdue by the sound of it.

And I hope she loses her job. She has no business working with families like yours when she has broken trust in this way. Shocking behaviour.

My first job today is to get a new sim for my phone. He has sent 7 texts over night all trying to make me feel bad. Apparently she is totally innocent in all this, if I made the effort to get to know her I would realise she’s a good person and I am trying to ruin their happiness through jealousy and bitterness. She wants to get to know all the children and be a part of their life. She ‘loves’ ds2 and he knows the older two will love her if I give them a chance to make their own minds up without me poisoning them against her.

Oh and “You’re going to be fucked now because you’ll have no help and you’ve only got yourself to blame. I kept telling you I wanted to introduce them and it’s not my fault she got locked out.”

I don’t give a shit anymore, he can say and do what he wants. I’m not going to play his game. He can get a solicitor if he wants to sort contact, I won’t make them go.

He really has decided how his fairytale new life is going to be, I am just an obstacle in the way I think. 😕

He has reached epic levels of bastardness.

He really doesn't care about those kids, does he??

I think you should consider showing that to the Head, so the school can really grasp the level of deluded lunacy she has unleashed.

If she is on the qualified staff, this is a fitness to practice issue.

Glad you are seeing a solicitor. Good luck!

Wow what world does he live in!!! Does he have no idea what he’s done? She’s innocent errmmmm

I’d be tempted to respond once with ‘please don’t contact me unless it’s an emergency regarding the children. Anything else can be requested from your solicitor to mine’

Then ignore!

Fucking bastard!

I don’t think he cares about anyone but himself. When he talks it is all I want, I need. We were always expected to come second.

Interestingly we did an online maintenance calculator yesterday and if it is correct he is in for a huge shock. He has been giving me less than half of what he should.

I am such an idiot for not seeing things properly, I was so concerned about fairness that I’ve helped him screw us over.

Wow just wow. What a disgusting specimen of a human being he has turned out to be.

Find a solicitor. Show them the texts so they are aware what sort of person they are dealing with. Now is exactly the time to be fair .... fair to yourself and your DC. NOT fair and reasonable with HIM!

Also tell school the OW 'loves ds2' .... that is weird and spooky and not at all professional especially in the context of being OW. Yuk

Wow, it takes a lot to shock me, but the sheer audacity of the woman... I just worry that the school might try to minimise it.

Write yourself a list of all the things you want out of the divorce. I think you’ll be surprised of what is right and fair as you’ve children with SN. Talk to your solicitor, They will know the ins and outs of how it should work. The same with the child maintenance, how dare he not provide enough for your/his children because HIS rental is expensive - get a cheaper place you cock!

Gloves off OP! I’d start making it very clear to everyone why you split up, you don’t need to protect him, or the OW. I’d pick out the local gossip and the school gossip and slip it into conversation that he’s left due to the affair and who the OW is

I'm even thinking based on what he has said about 'you all being friends' ... 'she's lovely' .... 'she loves ds2' .... that her turning up with a spurious need for his keys was to force an introduction and him pushing his agenda.

I have told the bus woman what has happened “in case ds2 is upset” she was absolutely gobsmacked. I have no doubt it will be round the school in no time.

I think i will email the head and copy the texts. At this stage I have nothing to lose, although they came from him I have no doubt they're a joint effort because they don’t read in his usual way if that makes sense.

I hope school won’t sweep it under the carpet, I need to know they will keep her away from ds2. Even though he won’t know what is going on I do.

I agree @FluffyWhiteTowels, I thought that too. Are they living together already then OP, that she needed to get into their home because she had nowhere else to go?

Otherwise she could’ve just waited until he left yours couldn’t she?

* I am trying to ruin their happiness through jealousy and bitterness*

Do you owe him happiness then? Now that he’s ended your marriage vows to he each other, do you still have to make him happy?

😂😂😂 dozy, deluded fucker.

He sounds utterly utterly deluded and you sound more than reasonable. I think he's been counting on your reasonableness to get what he wants. Started with the hobby he wants, whilst having a family, then the woman he wants whilst having a family. Basically he's always had it all. Now it's time to grow up, mate. Grow up fast.

Fluffywhitetowels, that ocurred to me in the middle of the night. I wonder if he expected dd to think ‘oh, she’s lovely and friendly’ because she had been.

A lot of things make sense now. For weeks he has been hinting that I should have a few weekends away “to rest” and if I let them meet OW it would help because the two of them could do the caring. He did tell me she was experienced with disabilities due to her job. I didn't realise it was at ds2’s school and he was careful to hide that from me.

OP she probably said similar to the texts when called in, so the HT will see right through them and recognise her input.

The OW turned up deliberately at your home when she knew you'd be out. She and may be STBX engineered this 'accidental' outing. You mentioned up thread that he isn't paying as much maintenance as he should, might be time to claim formally through CMS.

Bloody hell. What an absolute pair of twats. Onwards and upwards for you and the kids ! I think your solicitor should wipe the floor with him. And make sure you get EVERY SINGLE BIT of money for the kids that he should becpaying. X

I also think your older two need to tell him how they feel. He clearly has absolutely no idea what other people feel if he thinks his kids are going to welcome her with open arms. To the point where I wonder if he's on the spectrum too. I think it would be better coming from their mouths, for him to know it's nothing to do with you.

Oh I sincerely hope she loses her job and he is financially fucked to buggery. They deserve to be destroyed.

“I’m hoping we can all be friends, you’ll like her". You couldn't make this shit up.

He'd only think op put them up to it, 'poisoned their minds' Merry

True, daffs. It just astounds me that he thinks it's going to be so easy for everyone to welcome her with open arms. Is he totally unable to think what other people may be feeling?