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Upset with friend over wedding. WWYD?

(135 Posts)
Dollystrumpet Thu 20-Apr-17 14:41:41

Getting married in July. Only a small wedding of 18 guests for day and an additional 15 people coming along to night time celebrations.

I'm having three bridesmaids, one of which is my oldest friend of over twenty years standing. Tbh she has been a pita from the very start. Totally negative with other bridesmaids regarding hen ideas, everything rubbish, too expensive etc etc. She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my choice of dress and tried to disguise it under the guise of "being honest"

I don't see her very often as we now live 200+ miles apart. She had previously told me that her and her dp were planning on going on to a driving holiday in Europe after my wedding, which I told them I thought was a lovely idea. However I met up with her a few days ago and found out that they are actually leaving for the holiday straight from my wedding! She's told me that they will have to leave by 5pm to get through the channel tunnel. The wedding doesn't even start until 1pm, so I'll be getting a grand total of four hours of her time.

AIBU to be incredibly hurt by her behaviour? I can't believe that my oldest friend doesn't even want to stay and celebrate my wedding properly with me. I can't imagine a single scenario in which I would do this to her if the situation was reversed. I really feel like I don't want her there now☹️

CouldntMakeThisShitUp Thu 20-Apr-17 14:50:32

a small wedding does not need 3 bridesmaids........

anyhow, she's made it pretty obvious that she has some issues about you getting married - jealousy maybe?

she's ruining your pre-wedding prep and now you know she will ruin whatever's left.

i'd keep two bridesmaids - and tell her that due to her holiday commitments you can no longer have her as bridesmaid....invite her as a guest instead.

honestly - she proper wants to piss all over your sunshine - you don't need a friend like that and esp not a bridesmaid.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 20-Apr-17 14:56:03

I am so sorry. She's being a horrible, miserable bitch. Maybe she's jealous for some reason. Whatever her excuse is, it doesn't matter. A TRUE friend would never treat you this way. I'm sad to say it, but I think this friendship is over. It's happened to all of us. If I were you, I would drop her from my life and my wedding. It's unfortunate, but you will enjoy this special time so much more without her.

Dollystrumpet Thu 20-Apr-17 14:56:58

I agree it doesn't need three bridesmaids. My other two best friends really wanted to be though and oldest friend has always said she wanted to be bridesmaid if I got married.

Tbh I resent her being there at all now. We had to properly whittle down the guest list as it is,and now I feel like her and her dp are only coming because they feel they have too.

It's so disappointing. I've tried really hard to be as laid back a bride as possible and shit like this has still happened.

SaltySeaDog72 Thu 20-Apr-17 14:57:39

Sounds like she is more of a 'friend' than one of your 'close friends'. Close friends don't schedule something in on your wedding day.

Embrace this fact and it should hurt less. This friendship has run its course. It happens. Make like Elsa and Let It Go....

flowers

FenellaMaxwellsPony Thu 20-Apr-17 14:57:56

3 bridesmaids for an 18 person wedding? confused

Has she ever been like this before or is it just the wedding?

Dollystrumpet Thu 20-Apr-17 14:59:07

I think the friendship is over too Aquamarine I feel like I don't know her anymore. I had a vision of me and my oldest friend on the dance floor grooving the night away, when actually she'd rather be in the channel tunnel! I feel a right pratconfused

Dollystrumpet Thu 20-Apr-17 15:00:06

She got disinvited to another close friends wedding a few years back. Insulted her dress, moaned about her bridesmaid dress etc. She definitely has form...

Dollystrumpet Thu 20-Apr-17 15:00:19

From another rather...

Gah81 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:03:18

What a horrendous attitude of hers - not sure why she is the way she is but clearly she isn't into being a bridesmaid in the way she should (tbh I am not a huge fan of being bridesmaid myself, having dealt with a few bridezillas and been put in horrendous dresses/expected to be a handmaiden/slave all day - but I was always cheery and helpful even when the bride was tantrumy and I know myself well enough to just say no now grin).

If she had any decency she would be throwing herself heart and soul into this. I think you would be totally within reason to just have 2 bridesmaids and she would probably be relieved tbh (why else would she commit to staying for such a short period of time?! Ridiculous.)

FenellaMaxwellsPony Thu 20-Apr-17 15:04:17

Then think how much better your wedding will be without such a negative presence. And your life, too, for that matter!

Olddear Thu 20-Apr-17 15:05:04

Dump her. She's not ypur friend. She's going to be in your wedding photos for all eternity......

brassbrass Thu 20-Apr-17 15:05:23

you say her and her DP. Is she not married?

Perhaps that's the issue!

Olddear Thu 20-Apr-17 15:05:26

*your.

ScarletSienna Thu 20-Apr-17 15:06:03

I think I'd send a message saying that it sounds like time will be tight for her that day so it's fine for her not to be a bridesmaid.

Beyondworried Thu 20-Apr-17 15:07:48

Really sad she is making you feel like this. Weddings do seem to bring out the worst on some people. Maybe the friendship has run its course if she has so little respect for your feelings about such a special day for you. I would be inclined to remove her from bridesmaid duties. She may even be relieved

brassbrass Thu 20-Apr-17 15:10:12

don't go to your wedding without having this out with her. Friendship is dead in the water anyway you will never forget how she let you down at such an important time. If she attends your wedding with a strop on she will ruin the actual day for you and she's already had a good stab at ruining the preparations in the run up to it.

Surround yourself with people who can be happy for you!

SugarMiceInTheRain Thu 20-Apr-17 15:13:52

She has form for doing this? Spend a while composing a polite but unequivocal email or text releasing her from her bridesmaid duties. I am gutted that I had the person I had as my chief bridesmaid. I thought she was my best friend and it pains me to look back at my wedding photos with someone in them who pretty much blanks me when we're in the same place now, for reasons I will never know.

rogueantimatter Thu 20-Apr-17 15:16:54

I agree - you could give her the option of not being a bridesmaid so she doesn't have to worry about the tight timings. Present it as you doing her a favour wink

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 20-Apr-17 15:17:51

My first thought was "DP? Yep, she's jealous that this is your wedding and not hers"

Ask her outright if she wants to come and if she just "just be honest" back and say that she needs to change her attitude then.

Has her getting married ever come up? Has she discussed wanting to get married?

Cartman03 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:18:10

If she has previously been disinvited from a wedding then you can safely follow suit. Perhaps turn it around and tell her you can see that she is finding the whole thing really hard work and that she is really looking forward to her holiday. Maybe it's better if you don't come at all, no, I insist!

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 20-Apr-17 15:18:35

if she does "just be honest" back...

dustarr73 Thu 20-Apr-17 15:19:51

I'd give her the boot completely. After all there's a chance, she'll pull out of the wedding on the day.Which would be far worse.

KurriKurri Thu 20-Apr-17 15:20:58

I would dump her - she's only going to get worse as your wedding approaches, you will feel such a lot of resentment afterwards that your friendship will never be the same if it continues.

And you'll be stuck with a load of wedding pictures with someone who annoys you in them-and instead of remembering your lovely day you'll be thinking 'oh there's that ex friend of mine PITA - wonder whatever happened to her'

Dollystrumpet Thu 20-Apr-17 15:23:57

She doesn't want to marry her dp! He asked her last year and she said no.

Her dp is another worry entirely. He's rude, foul mouthed and has zero sense of propriety. I was already worried about him being there before this happened. Now knowing I'm fretting so much about people who can't be arsed to stay past 5pm has pissed me off more.

To be fair she did say she'd stay until the end if I really wanted her therehmm It was ALL about her tbh. She doesn't know my friends, she'll feel awkward etc etc.

I actually went out for a meal with her and another bridesmaid etc at xmas so they could meet. The other bridesmaid bent over backwards to be nice to my friend. Yet she also had the nerve to say a few days ago that she didn't really like her! I could have smacked her one just for tha😡

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