Upset with friend over wedding. WWYD?

[Dollystrumpet]

Getting married in July. Only a small wedding of 18 guests for day and an additional 15 people coming along to night time celebrations.

I'm having three bridesmaids, one of which is my oldest friend of over twenty years standing. Tbh she has been a pita from the very start. Totally negative with other bridesmaids regarding hen ideas, everything rubbish, too expensive etc etc. She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my choice of dress and tried to disguise it under the guise of "being honest"

I don't see her very often as we now live 200+ miles apart. She had previously told me that her and her dp were planning on going on to a driving holiday in Europe after my wedding, which I told them I thought was a lovely idea. However I met up with her a few days ago and found out that they are actually leaving for the holiday straight from my wedding! She's told me that they will have to leave by 5pm to get through the channel tunnel. The wedding doesn't even start until 1pm, so I'll be getting a grand total of four hours of her time.

AIBU to be incredibly hurt by her behaviour? I can't believe that my oldest friend doesn't even want to stay and celebrate my wedding properly with me. I can't imagine a single scenario in which I would do this to her if the situation was reversed. I really feel like I don't want her there now☹️

I wouldn't waste anymore time worrying about her. Focus on the most important person there on the day....the person you are marrying! That's all you need really. Also, In the scheme of things will you be spending loads of time with her at your reception? I'd let her know I was disappointed but would move on from it and then after the wedding analyse my relationship with her deciding whether to call it a day or not!

Absolutely relieve her as a bridesmaid and uninvite. It sucks, and it won't be fun to do, but you need to do it. For yourself.

This person is not a friend to you, nor will she wish you well. Your wedding should only have people who are and do.

I think she needs to be relieved of her bridesmaiding obligations toot sweet as they say.

You could sugar the pill by saying you are worried that living so far away she won't be able to attend enough of the rehearsals for the bride and bridesmaids entry dance that you are having choreographed for the entertainment of your guests and YouTube , after all she won't want to be the bridesmaid that can't follow the routine in front of millions.

I agree that you need to un invite them, but not so sure I agree with the softly softly approach.

She is rude to you, your friends, doesn't like anything suggested, has moaned about her dress, slagged yours off and can't even be arsed to stay for the whole thing!

Just tell her that ^, along with "don't bother to reply".

Thank you Bluebell☺

Donkeys I told her my opinion of her DP in reaction to her telling me they were leaving at 5pm, not before. I'd have bitten my tounge otherwise like I have for last twelve years.

Latenightreader Only on MN would it be suggested to rearrange your entire wedding venue three months beforehand

dustarr it's not even a train, they are driving Which means they won't even be having a drink on my wedding day!

Dozer I do have every sympathy regarding her relationship. All during our
conversation it was all about her DP. How he will feel on the day (awkward apparently)

She even said DP and I made them feel awkward when we went out for the meal at Xmas because we are vegetarian! It made them feel awkward cos they are meat eaters She said we were making comments about it, but we never said a thing!

If she was a good friend, she'd wear whatever you asked because she'd be so excited about your special day. And she'd plan a holiday to start the next day because she'd want to share every moment of your day with you. Like all your other guests.

I'd say you're having a small wedding, therefore each and every one of your guests should be someone whose presence you will treasure. And she's not. Uninvite, accept that friendships change and invite 2 other people whose company you will enjoy. I hope you have a lovely day OP.

'Great to meet up with on whateverday. Sorry to hear that the wedding is clashing with your holiday. Sounds like it will all be a bit rushed for you, so why don't you skip the wedding so you can get away on time. It would help us as well as we really wanted to invite Aunty X to the reception but did not have enough room before, but now she can take your seat. Have a lovely holiday - drop me text when you get back and I'll show you the photos.'

Yes, tell her straight. It's sad that she is prioritising her vile, abusive DP, but that's the decision she's made.

Come on Cool Jazz - show us how it's done.
Write the OP a fab text!

I'm laughing coz I would have read the text as follows;

Great to meet up with on whateverday. - no it wasn't
Sorry to hear that the wedding is clashing with your holiday. - you evil cow
Sounds like it will all be a bit rushed for you, so why don't you skip the wedding so you can get away on time. - you're no longer invited.
It would help us as well as we really wanted to invite Aunty X to the reception but did not have enough room before, but now she can take your seat. - so many other people to prioritise over you.
Have a lovely holiday - drop me text when you get back and I'll show you the photos. - and I'll completely ignore the text and you!

Sounds like you already know what you are going to do but really who wants someone like that at the wedding? Sounds like she's been a complete bitch troublesome from the get go. Hope you have a lovely day with people who are thrilled to share that day with you.

But I like your text too... also does the job.

OP - if you do text her, block her afterwards. You don't need any more drama. Move on and look forward to your big day that will now be stress free.

*OP
*
This is your 'big day'
Your friend has issues.
If she lives 200 miles away how often do you see her?
What does she bring to your friendship?
She is negative Nora and I'm sorry but on this one day my happiness would be paramount.
If you allow this behaviour to continue she will do it on every future milestone .
I would tell her firmly she is uninvited.
What have you to loose? A 'friend' who lives 200 miles away with a p**ck for a partner.
Sometimes we have to take a stand and say 'enough is enough'
Good luck with your wedding it sounds fabulous. Obviously your other guests are important to you and you to them.

Have a great life with your new husband and banish negative Nora.

That's so true.... my sarcasm isn't coming through enough. Maybe we could invent a sarcasm font to make it more obvious.

I would send a text simply saying, you have two other friends you would like to invite as they are able to come to the whole day and evening. "This then means you can get away even earlier for your holiday. Have a great time"

CoolJazz - not at all!!!!! Not even slightly!