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Original poster

Upset with friend over wedding. WWYD?

145 replies

Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 14:41

Getting married in July. Only a small wedding of 18 guests for day and an additional 15 people coming along to night time celebrations.

I'm having three bridesmaids, one of which is my oldest friend of over twenty years standing. Tbh she has been a pita from the very start. Totally negative with other bridesmaids regarding hen ideas, everything rubbish, too expensive etc etc. She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my choice of dress and tried to disguise it under the guise of "being honest"

I don't see her very often as we now live 200+ miles apart. She had previously told me that her and her dp were planning on going on to a driving holiday in Europe after my wedding, which I told them I thought was a lovely idea. However I met up with her a few days ago and found out that they are actually leaving for the holiday straight from my wedding! She's told me that they will have to leave by 5pm to get through the channel tunnel. The wedding doesn't even start until 1pm, so I'll be getting a grand total of four hours of her time.

AIBU to be incredibly hurt by her behaviour? I can't believe that my oldest friend doesn't even want to stay and celebrate my wedding properly with me. I can't imagine a single scenario in which I would do this to her if the situation was reversed. I really feel like I don't want her there now☹️

OP posts:
MackerelOfFact · 20/04/2017 15:45

Could it be that she's in an abusive relationship and her DP is the one calling the shots with regards to the holiday timing to deliberately remove her from the wedding, with the added bonus of souring her friendship with you? That doesn't excuse her nasty comments about your dress or the other bridesmaid, but it might explain why she has voiced concerns over the hen do, if he's likely to be a knob about it. He sounds horrible, anyway.

Deploycharitygoats · 20/04/2017 15:47

Well that's two extra spaces for people you do actually like Grin

I'm sorry she's being such a joy sucker. In one way, her being pissy about another wedding may be helpful (it's definitely not you, it most certainly is her), but I can see that it's a real kick in the teeth that she couldn't be a better friend to you.

(Had very similar myself with a bridesmaid, right down to her getting disinvited from being another friend's bridesmaid because she'd said "don't think I'm getting fat just to make you look better in the photos" Shock After she pissed on every suggestion I made, I got an extremely PA email about not inviting her absolute cock of a boyfriend. It was the end of the friendship, to be honest Sad)

SunsetGrigio · 20/04/2017 15:47

Get rid. Completely. Not out of order to say that you need their spots for people who will stay for the full thing, with it being such a small wedding. There will be drama but i think there will be if you don't confront it now anyway, you sound livid. Flowers

Sparkletastic · 20/04/2017 15:51

Withdraw the invitation and get her out of your life.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:59

I would say her relationship is definitely abusive, but she doesn't even see it anymoreally iyswim? She honestly looked amazed when I said he's horrible to her. He calls her a bitch in public ffs!Shock

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/04/2017 15:59

I agree with Sparkletastic. It's not as though she's a real friend now, is it? Tell her you don't want her to be there.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 16:01

But I really think they are working together over this holiday thing. If anything her DP is the last person in world likely to suggest a driving holiday around europeHmm

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 20/04/2017 16:02

OP " I don't think her dp will have booked it to coincide, but I have a nasty suspicion that she might have"

I sense there's a lot more to this - I mean, initially I thought this was a very close friend who was suddenly being horrible but now I think perhaps she's been awful in the past and you are just now seeing it more clearly?

2014newme · 20/04/2017 16:03

It's a tiny wedding just invite everyone to the whole event you don't need a separate guest list for the evening with that number.
Let her leave at 5 she's making a prat of herself let her get on with it.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 16:03

She's not a real friend anymore, but I thought she was.

I feel like I've been dumped. It was like when you're going out with someone you're really into, and suddenly discover they don't give a shit!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 16:08

We do need two separate guest lists because there's only space for 18 at the reception. We're having the party later and inviting people who we couldn't fit into the day.

If they leave at 5pm they will literally be getting up from the reception and making a show of themselves by going. It'll probably just be getting chilled and relaxed by thenSmile

OP posts:
CoolJazz · 20/04/2017 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2014newme · 20/04/2017 16:11

Have the reception somewhere that can accommodate the guests rather than j st a few.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 16:18

The entire wedding is booked and paid for . I have no need or wish to rearrange my venuesSmile

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 16:20

Thats really not what the thread is about...

OP posts:
Bluebell28 · 20/04/2017 16:23

What CoolJazz says makes sense

loobyloo1234 · 20/04/2017 16:23

I would uninvite her aswell OP. She sounds awful. I cannot imagine any scenario where if I was asked to be a bridesmaid, I would not want to spend the whole day with my friend/relative. The evening is usually the best part of the day after all ... letting your hair down and so on

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 16:25

She's already done the "we can stay if you really want" thing CoolJazz

She said she really honearly didn't think I would mind her leaving at 5pm cos we have other guests thereConfused My point that she shouldn't want to leave at 5pm seemed lost on her

OP posts:
Bluebell28 · 20/04/2017 16:26

Forgot to say enjoy the day Flowers

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 20/04/2017 16:27

Message received loud and clear, you told her what's what about her DP and put her nose out of joint so she has brooded on it since and now is being as awkward as possible.
Two new guests instead?
Better to find out now well ahead of July.

Latenightreader · 20/04/2017 16:28

2014newme Why are you so bothered by this? Maybe they love the venue itself, maybe they can't afford a bigger venue for that part, maybe they don't want a bigger group for the reception - who knows. The decision has clearly been made and this is actually about her "friend"...

Dozer · 20/04/2017 16:28

I have some sympathy with her as it sounds like she is a victim of domestic abuse, but agree that you should ask her not to attend your wedding. Nothing wrong with stating that this is due to her negative behaviour, that you really dislike her partner and how he treats her, and her choice to leave so early.

You could offer to talk or meet up at any time in the future if she wishes to be friends (she may well not).

dustarr73 · 20/04/2017 16:28

Well she only wants to be there,to kill time to catch the train.So uninvite her and her Dp.They can fuck themselves and you have a fab day.

Dozer · 20/04/2017 16:30

My friend was in an abusive relationship with a man who wished to marry her. She did a lot to avoid attending weddings with him because of how he'd behave. She tried to attend alone but she missed a few when he made that difficult.

Luckily she did LTB eventually. And she wouldn't have behaved like your friend has.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/04/2017 16:32

I think I'd say that numbers are limited and as they can't stay for the whole reception you would rather they didn't come so you can invite others who do want to be there.
Has she bought her bridesmaid dress yet?