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Original poster

Upset with friend over wedding. WWYD?

145 replies

Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 14:41

Getting married in July. Only a small wedding of 18 guests for day and an additional 15 people coming along to night time celebrations.

I'm having three bridesmaids, one of which is my oldest friend of over twenty years standing. Tbh she has been a pita from the very start. Totally negative with other bridesmaids regarding hen ideas, everything rubbish, too expensive etc etc. She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my choice of dress and tried to disguise it under the guise of "being honest"

I don't see her very often as we now live 200+ miles apart. She had previously told me that her and her dp were planning on going on to a driving holiday in Europe after my wedding, which I told them I thought was a lovely idea. However I met up with her a few days ago and found out that they are actually leaving for the holiday straight from my wedding! She's told me that they will have to leave by 5pm to get through the channel tunnel. The wedding doesn't even start until 1pm, so I'll be getting a grand total of four hours of her time.

AIBU to be incredibly hurt by her behaviour? I can't believe that my oldest friend doesn't even want to stay and celebrate my wedding properly with me. I can't imagine a single scenario in which I would do this to her if the situation was reversed. I really feel like I don't want her there now☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:24

That...

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 20/04/2017 15:25

Interesting that she has form. Might she have problems in her own relationship? (DP not wanting to marry/commit etc).

I'm not saying that excuses her behaviour, but it might explain it.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:26

I've tried really hard not to be a brideszilla too. They've all been allowed to pick their own dresses, not even got to do anything on the day except turn up and hold a bouquet. I even told them not to organise a hen do if it was too much hassle.

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 20/04/2017 15:26

Boot out of the role of bridesmaid and attendance on the day.

She is causing you grief and stress. I am cautious when it comes to weddings, worrying about bridezilla tenancies but you have been shown a huge amount of disrespect. Leaving, a few hours into your wedding? No. I thought her role was to be there with you, celebrating with you, supporting you, until very late in the evening. She doesn't want to be there - get rid.

AhYerWill · 20/04/2017 15:27

Just give her the old 'it's not you it's me' speech and dump her from your wedding. It clearly isn't working out!

Goingtobeawesome · 20/04/2017 15:27

Hi friend,

I've been thinking and I've decided it is best if you don't act as my bridesmaid due to obvious issues. After realising your busy schedule for my wedding day I've also decided to suggest you don't come to the wedding. Get yourself a good head start on your wedding. All the best. Dolly.

Then invite two real friends.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:27

Her relationship sucks SapphireStrange. He's vile to her, calls her fat in front of people, ignores her, puts her down. It's awful.

I may have snapped after twelve years and told her so during our last meeting. Not my finest hour, but I was so pissed off and hurt!

OP posts:
Olddear · 20/04/2017 15:28

Seriously, tell her to sling her hook.

Goldfishjane · 20/04/2017 15:29

I think you should release her from duties.

Also, what's she been like as a friend to you generally? i appreciate she might have find it hard to tell you "no" but that's clearly what she should have done.

springflowers11 · 20/04/2017 15:29

It sounds as though the holiday was already planned before your wedding.Did you expect her to cancel or alter it.?
I think it sounds as though she really does not want to be at the wedding in view or her holiday.I would give her a way to get out of it

brassbrass · 20/04/2017 15:29

but can you see with all that she is chipping away at your joy?

So everything regarding your wedding becomes a source of stress. Ditch her and reclaim your happiness. You still have a couple of months to bask in pre wedding excitement. The sooner she goes the sooner normal service will be resumed!

guinnessgirl · 20/04/2017 15:30

Ugh, she sounds like a total nightmare. I agree with PPs - uninvite her and present it as a favour as she's clearly got too much on her hands with holiday prep etc. You'll have a much better day without her and you really don't want someone that negative spoiling such a special day.

SapphireStrange · 20/04/2017 15:32

Sorry, OP, I x-posted with you about her partner etc.

He does sound vile. Maybe she's resentful of anyone with a happy relationship with someone they WOULD say yes to marrying!

I think you should send awesome's email.

Bluebell28 · 20/04/2017 15:33

She's really raining all over your special day. I would tell her she can leave much earlier on the day and just stop treating her as a bridesmaid, she can be a wedding guest who has an outfit matching the bridesmaids' dresses.

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:33

The holiday wasn't pre arranged. I invited her to my wedding and they decided to arrange a driving holiday for the same day.

How lucky for them I'm near the channel tunnel. Clearly it wasn't worth the drive just to come to my weddingHmm

I am going to have to disinvite her aren't I? I'll just seethe with resentment if she comesSad

OP posts:
Ponyboycurtis · 20/04/2017 15:33

Op is it possible that her DP has decided/booked/arranged their holiday so that it impacts on your wedding? Maybe, if he is as horrible as you say, he is the one manipulating the situation so that she is unable to stay for the whole thing? Could be he is jealous of her friendship/closeness with you?

RegTheMonkey1 · 20/04/2017 15:34

Don't let her spoil your day. They both sound unpleasant and not nice additions to your day. If the friendship has run its course then just let it go, tell her pleasantly and then you will have one less thing to stress about.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/04/2017 15:35

Perhaps that's the issue!

Agreed. One of my bridesmaids was fine up until a couple of weeks before my (very laid back, no stress) wedding and eventually bailed on staying with me the night before and caused all sorts of issues. She was also bridesmaiding for another friend of hers around the same time and she just found it all too much seeing us both get married when her DP is completely against the idea and she finds it very difficult.

While I felt for her, my wedding was nothing to do with her relationship, that's between them, but it really hurt that she became difficult and it was very all about her, when it's not like I'd commanded her to be in the wedding, she'd wanted to.

We're still friends but it's not the same. To make it even worse I got married for the second time last year (no bridesmaids, only family at the wedding) and she avoided me for ages either side of it even though she wasn't meant to be going to it and DH and I hardly discussed it with anyone.

People are entitled to have their own feelings but they're NOT entitled to piss all over your parade. Hopefully you'll only have the one wedding (I just picked the wrong man first time round) and you'll regret it if you let her continuing to make you feel crap about the whole thing because she's bitter and obstructive.

Just a thought, if she's been sacked from bridesmaiding beforehand, is there any chance she's being a bitch to force your hand?

Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:35

She's soooo negative. I heard from another bridesmaid that they'd suggested a spa and afternoon tea to her for my hen. Her response was that they may as well save all that money and take a packed lunch to Wet and WildGrinShock

OP posts:
Original poster
Dollystrumpet · 20/04/2017 15:39

Ponyboycurtis I don't think her dp will have booked it to coincide, but I have a nasty suspicion that she might haveHmm

OP posts:
Ponyboycurtis · 20/04/2017 15:42

Well in that case I agree with PP, just tell her to get on and have a good holiday & not to worry herself with attending the wedding.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/04/2017 15:42

Sorry OP, massive x post! Ignore me Blush

Bin her off. Send awesome's email, cut your losses. It's a shame she can't be happy that you're happy. But it sounds like this has brought things to a head and the relationship was ailing as you're now different people. That's okay, there's no shame in putting your energy into friendships which also work for you.

EpoxyResin · 20/04/2017 15:43

God, yeah, uninvite her. If she doesn't give a shit you'll know 100% you were right - you won't have a single regret.

If she bends over backwards to make it up to you because she doesn't want to miss a single second of her oldest friend's wedding, fine, cross that wholly unlikely bridge when/if you come to it.

AmateurParents · 20/04/2017 15:43

GET RID! Why have negative people in your life and especially over the most exciting time of your life. Remember, you are only going to do this once and do you really want to remember all of this crap!

Bridesmaids are supposed to ease and relax you and grit their teeth even if they don't like something. Is she really going to be a big loss to your life if you live so far away!?

Be firm! It's YOUR day!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/04/2017 15:43

Dolly, be kind to yourself lovely, you'll have a much nicer Wedding Day, and the memories that go with it, without your so called jealous friend, and her foul mouthed excuse of a boyfriend being there.
You'll be free to invite a couple of nice people, who wish to celebrate with you. 🌸

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