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Terrible twos / threenager support thread

(691 Posts)
Belleende Thu 11-Jan-18 05:49:42

Hello all,

Thought I would start this and see where is goes. I am mum to 2 DDS. One 7 weeks and one 2.5. currently on mat leave.

My DD1 has always been a lively high energy kid, but has lately been incredibly challenging. Last week it took me 1.5 hours to get her into her clothes and out the door. I started a thread here and got great support.

There are lots of separate threads with good advice on, but I thought it might be helpful to have a go to place for help support and advice on dealing with the daily challenges of toddler wrangling.

My current challenges include, how to get dressed without a drama, how to manage transitions without meltdowns, to nap or not to nap, how to maintain sanity when toddler asks for a bath and then refuses to get in it, how to keep it light and playful when you are feeling just short of murderous.

Say howdy if you think this might be useful and we can go from there.

Emabrmsca Thu 11-Jan-18 06:08:46

Hiya! I have a 3 year old dd who can be a nightmare challenge at times!

PeonyTruffle Thu 11-Jan-18 06:26:27

I have a 3yr old who, 90% of the time a delight. But the other10% is err challenging. He went to bed at 5.45 yesterday because he was such an overtired mess.

He’s taken to crossing his arms, putting a little grumpy face whilst announcing ‘I’m ignoring you Mummy, we’re NOT FRIENDS’ so that’s nice grin

GreyMorning Thu 11-Jan-18 06:52:47

"Don't do X please, you'll get hurt/have an accident/get hit by a car/fall to your death."
~eyes glint~
~runs off laughing and starts doing X~

What the fuck do you do?! No fear, no sense of danger, I'm at my wits end end I'm worried he's an accident waiting to happen.

Any advise on dealing with a defiant 3 year old boy gratefully accepted.

PeonyTruffle Thu 11-Jan-18 07:07:50


Bribes work with mine.

And also my 3yr old is scared of Darth Vader after our Disneyland trip.
So every time I need him to actually do as he’s told, I get the Darth theme song video up on YouTube (its 10 hours long!) and just play it and say Darth Vadar is calling because he heard you weren’t listening to mummy. And that does the trick.

(When I say scared, I don’t mean terrified, he’s just mildly unnerved. I’m not that mean to scare the daylights out of him)

I’m a horrible parent grinconfused

Belleende Thu 11-Jan-18 08:53:43

Sooo, our day started at 5am. Currently trying to get her dressed. Have shown her that we are going to the big trampoline park if she gets dressed, will she get dressed? Nope.

I have started reading how to talk to little people listen. It seems sensible. Mostly about making things light and playful. I am out of ideas on how to get her dressed.

Sooo, what do you do when you are out of ideas? Buy stuff on Amazon. Have bought reward chart and stickers and a set of egg timers.

GreyMorning Thu 11-Jan-18 09:12:11

@PeonyTruffle he is scared of nothing! Although hasn't yet been to Disneyland so if you think it will help 😂

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 11-Jan-18 09:15:50

What about the fourkin fours!

PeonyTruffle Thu 11-Jan-18 09:16:40

It gets worse after 3?! grin

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Thu 11-Jan-18 09:21:13

I always tell DS (3) that if he doesn't do whatever it is I need him to do, that's fine - I will just sit down and have a nice cup of tea and read my book.

There is nothing in existence DS abhors more than me having any rest or respite, so that usually works.

PeonyTruffle Thu 11-Jan-18 09:22:27

And yes, Grey.
Immediately book to go to DL, even I was scared of Darth Vadar and I’m an actual grown up

I just have to play 5 seconds of this and DS starts shouting sorry mummy and runs over
(I’ll start saving for his therapy fees now)

Afreshcuppateaplease Thu 11-Jan-18 09:22:45

3 of my 4 have been worse at 4

The other is only 1

Chaosofcalm Thu 11-Jan-18 09:43:07

I am following. My 20 month old has turned into a nightmare to get dressed. I have asked her why and she says ‘too busy’. I have fallen into the trap of getting her dressed in front of the TV if needed. I have also done the whole dolly wants to go X and talking to the doll and getting the doll dressed.

Emabrmsca Thu 11-Jan-18 09:45:28

Omg no! Please don't say 4 is bad too!!! I was starting to see light at the end of the tunnel!

My dd has just passed the violent stage. thank fuck i am surprised we both made it through that stage alive and unharmed!

She is having a good spell at the minute but I have a feeling this won't last long.

PeonyTruffle Thu 11-Jan-18 09:56:24

We’re in the fighting stage.
Everything is a weapon.

You want to fight mummy, you want to see my muscles?

No, I really don’t thanks DS though

RubySlippers77 Thu 11-Jan-18 10:10:45

I have twin boys aged 2.3. DS1 and I have both been ill and would still be happy to curl up in front of the TV and chill out till we feel better, DS2 has turned into a scratching, biting horror at the lack of attention..... neither of them are speaking much yet so I can't even find out from him what he wants! Aaarrrgggghhhhhh

How does everyone else handle it when a LO comes at them hellbent on biting/ scratching/ pulling hair for attention? I had to literally pull him off DS1 yesterday as he'd sunk his teeth into his arm shock he's usually such a sunny natured little boy too. I feel so rotten, I just can't deal with this at the moment - thank goodness for preschool!

Please don't tell me they get worse at 4, I think I'll give up now!!

SnugglySnerd Thu 11-Jan-18 10:14:52

I posted on your other thread about getting dressed.
I bought a book called "How to talk to little kids will listen, how to listen so little kids will talk". It's been an absolute life saver for dealing with my 3yo. Lots of strategies although I've found it hard to remember to do them sometimes when I'm tired and stressed.

SnugglySnerd Thu 11-Jan-18 10:17:20

Something else I've found helpful either tantrums is to cuddle them and say "I'll listen when your voice is as calm as mine". This works like magic with DD. She stops crying almost instantly and tries to tell me what's wrong.

SnugglySnerd Thu 11-Jan-18 10:17:41

*with not either!

SleepingStandingUp Thu 11-Jan-18 10:21:20

I have a 2.6 year old, non verbal so that's fun
"What do you want
"Uh uh uhhh og og og"
Can you sign that to me?
<He only signs animals more, finished and mr tumble>
<looks at me blank>
<Throws himself to floor and cries>
Right, ok then!

This morning he cried because I wouldn't put Mr Tumble DVD on, because Mr Tumble was on the bloody telly already

SnugglySnerd Thu 11-Jan-18 10:24:18

Sleeping could you get picture cards for him to point at? Or get him to lead you to the right part of the house and show you what he wants?

SleepingStandingUp Thu 11-Jan-18 10:26:34

Sometimes he will grab hand and take me, other times its clearly something abstract like world peace or a real unicorn that he can't translate to me! Or just something he cant have like outside time in the rain or dvd time all the time.

SnugglySnerd Thu 11-Jan-18 10:28:22

Ah yes. I can see why a unicorn might be difficult to conjure up!

RubySlippers77 Thu 11-Jan-18 10:30:55

I feel your pain Sleeping! DS2 sulks because I won't put his DVDs on. I won't/ can't put them on because he broke the DVD player last week putting two in at once!!

Has your HV given any advice about your DS not speaking yet? I haven't even been able to speak to them yet about mine as they keep telling me wait for his 2 year assessment. We still haven't had an appointment for it though confused

SleepingStandingUp Thu 11-Jan-18 10:42:28

Yeah he is complex so we get lots of support. On o2, tube fed etc but even we had to wait til he was 2. Still only seen speech twice. She was obsessed with hoe many items he could identify (where is the bowl,? Child points) but no actual advice. Have done Makaton 1 and he can sign for more or no more food which is huge for a child with eating issues, he will point and drag you to stuff if you're being thick but of course there's always something a 2 year old wants that they cant communicate or cant have that's the end of the world#!

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